Here it is past midnight, and I'm feeling lonely, and wondering what WH is up to.

Been in Plan B since August 15. WH left lots of messages at first...one was a suicide threat. He always said how much he loves me and misses me.

Last Sunday, he left a letter for me at our home (I was gone because I knew he was going to be here). He wrote how he loves me, and thinks about me constantly. How he wants to be the husband he's never been for me. How he wants to romance me.

Last line... "if you do want me back, email me or something, and I will resolve things on my end once and for all".

Well, I thought about it for a couple of days, and then sent an email to his work. I wrote that I did want him back. That everything he wrote in his letter was also the desire of my heart.

Then I wrote that he needed to SEND a LETTER of NO CONTACT to OW. He needed to have someone ELSE return her cell phones to her. He needed to be 100% committed to the recovery of our marriage.
Then we could talk about our marriage.

I have not heard from him since.

Tonight while in my Yoga class, I started thinking about WH, and how he could lie and cheat on me. I started crying. Had to put a clamp on my emotions so I could get thru the rest of the class.

How long will this go on?

It's obvious to me that he is still seeing OW, and is not ready to break it off with her.

I know I'm rambling, but I guess I just really need to vent my feelings. I'm pretty sad, and feel very alone.

Any encouragement? I need some badly. I will pray for WH to be miserable with OW, and for him to really miss me.

Then I think, what if OW is really as wonderful as WH thinks she is? What kind of a chance do I stand? When will this end? Will I be out of sight, out of mind? Will he have a 3-6 week withdrawl from me, then go on with OW?

Sorry.....just babbling. And feeling sorry for myself I guess. And very unsure.....

K7

I'm so sorry...I know how you feel. It seems the nights are the hardest to get through.

Late night seems to be the time I really get depress. I miss him so much. I wonder how he can live with himself with all the hurt he has cause me. Somehow they justify it in their minds.

I want to save my marriage but it seems like the divorce will go through in a couple of weeks. I love him with all my heart. This OW has poisoned his mind.

I wish I had an answer for you on how long will this last. I would like an answer to that question also. I know I must move on but somewhere deep inside I know the pain will always be there. It is hard to get over the betrayal and the lies with someone who promised to love you to death do you part.

I want to have my revenge on them, but I don't. I feel if I'm angry, they have control over my feelings. God will have his vengence on them, he is the almighty. I'll let God take care of them.

A few months back, which I posted, I ask "What if the OW is my WH true love?" Love is not base on lies, secrets and hurting other people. God doesn't put two people together who are married to other people. Their relationship is based on all lies. It can't be true love.

I've asked myself many of the questions you are now asking. I wish I had answers but I don't. You are not alone. Its great that this board is open 24 hours, I had many late night ramblings myself. We all understand and been there.

You must focus on you. That is the only situation you have control of.

k72172

gosh.............this is really sad and yet I wanna give you some words to encourage you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

No one, believe me! NO ONE can just "wipe away" 32 years!!!!!

I once watched a film on TV and I remember there was also a couple that had been married for approx.35 years.
The husband left his wife for a younger woman and at the beginning he was thrilled.

Within time, he started to feel very lost. He started to feel very lonely and he then started to phone his wife when he needed someone to talk to.
His wife was great and I'd say this was Plan A what she was doing. She listened to him and was very calm and understanding. OW didn't have a clue until one day, she caught him and she LB greatly.

The husband was too prowd at first to admit that he really did miss his wife.

With OW, he was supposed to forget and not even mention the past 35 years of his life and he longed for someone that he could share this with.

He couldn't just "forget" his past life. He couldn't just "wipe the past 35 years" out of his life.

This was making him crazy.............

Anyways, it did end up that the husband couldn't take it anymore with OW and he did return back to his wife.

I'm more than sure that this could also be reality. Without even knowing it, the wife was Plan Aing. She stayed calm and gentle and let the affair die a natural death.

She lived her life and concentrated on herself. She took the best care of herself. She kept herself busy. She too went to "Yoga" classes.

She went out with friends and surrounded herself with things that made her feel good.

So even thought this was a movie, I believe that this can really happen.

I know it's very difficult for you right now and yet, try your best being good to yourself.

Keep on with "your life" and don't concentrate on your husband. (I know this is very hard) but always think: You can't controll him nor can you force him into anything right now.
He has to get a "Smack in the Face" and wake up!!! This is going to happen, believe me!!!!

Because even if you don't believe it: HE CAN'T FORGET 32 YEARS EITHER!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and there are many "good things" he will remember + miss for sure!!!!!)

Plan B is for sure "saving the love you feel for him". It is keeping you safe from being hurt.

Hold on!!!!!!!!!!!

hugs
bb

I'm not sure what words of encouragement to give right now, but I would like to share something with you that has often given me strength. It is an excerpt from "The Prophet" by Kahil Gibran. I read to remind myself that even when my sorrow seems overwhelming....joy is waiting to come back in.
************************************************
THEN a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your
laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your
tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your
being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very
cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your
spirit, the very wood that was hollowed
with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into
your heart and you shall find it is only that
which has given you sorrow that is giving
you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in
your heart, and you shall see that in truth
you are weeping for that which has been
your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than
sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is
the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits
alone with you at your board, remember
that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales be-
tween your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at
standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to
weigh his gold and his silver, needs must
your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

-excerpt from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran

I know it's hard but stop trying to think about WH, I know easier said then done. But try to make a conscience effort to stop thinking about him when ever he comes to mind. Don't allow yourself to get drawn into the sadness and wallow in the self pity. When the thoughts start, call a friend, go for a walk, put on some dance music, do anything you have to in order to distract yourself until the moment passes. Trust me this does help to get through those hard times.

Thanks to you all for the words of encouragement.

I just got up this morning, thought I would come here to see what was said.

I still feel a little lost this morning, but a lot of the sadness has left in my sleep (not nearly enough sleep).

The letter WH left me gave me some hope. I think before he left the letter, I really was going along on my path with no hope (had been feeling that way for a long time, but didn't know why).... almost felt like I really WAS going on with my life.

Then, the flicker of hope, and with no reply from WH, the hope seemed to die. I feel a lot more emptiness now.

The betrayal, lies, and especially the feeling of being tossed aside by a WS cuts the very core of ones feelings of self worth.

A friend told me that sometimes you have to proceed with the action - even when you don't really feel it. Then, the feelings will come.

Even if you don't FEEL confident, ACT confident. Soon, you will BE confident.

If you don't feel happy, act happy. Soon you will be happy.

If you don't feel like anything, act like you are something. Soon, you will be SOMETHING.

Sorry for the ramblings.

I guess I've been a nurse for too long. I want to FIX things, and make the pain go away.

It seems like emotional pain and suffering is not so easy to "fix".

I took the RHETI personality test after someone on this site mentioned it.

I'm a very strong Type Nine.... the Peacemaker. I really didn't have to take the test to tell me that. Also, I truly fit my Libra type.... making sure that everything is fair to everyone.

I'm also very artistic, and love beauty. In all things. Not just physical beauty, but verbal beauty, and the beauty of the heart and soul of the human.

Even though my life does not seem beautiful or peaceful or fair right now, I know it can be again.

I read, see, and feel a lot of beauty on this site.

My thanks to you all. K7