I took my rings off over a year ago when I was just suspicious of H. H was very upset about this.Put them on again when he admitted, but then found out he had continued lying to protect me from pain (What the?????), so I took them off again. Now I don't really think that I ever want to have them on again. DS's G/F is starting to ask him questions (He knows, she doesn't). Have lost weight, so told DS to tell her that I was going to get them resized. Does anyone ever put them on again without feeling sick about it? It's probably all in my head, but I feel better not wearing them, like I have control over me. Does this make sense????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
WH 52
BS 48
DD 24
DS 22
D-day 10th November 2003
H had several A's over 10 yrs
Working at staying together forever

Forgot to tell you that I gave them (I actually threw them back) to him, & have no idea where he has put them. I don't even want to know.

Since I discovered the A, I haven't stopped wearing my ring yet, but I know my W doesnt wear hers because she left them when she left. I sometimes debate on stopping wearing it, but I am still committed to my marriage and my promise to be faithful, and that's one thing I am doing to show it.

I have lost alot of weight and it barely stays on now.....I'm not going to have it resized, but may have to move it to another finger.

I too gave my rings back to my H when he was involved in the A. I felt like a fool wearing them. A month or so later I wished that I had not given them, since I was still married!!!

When H was still in A (we've been in recovery for 6 weeks now), he said something so fooogged up that it made me want my rings back. I forget exactly what we were talking about but he said, ...you know when we were married and after. AFTER!!! I said "H we ARE STILL MARRIED" He said, "you know, after we broke up" WTF!!! like we are in HS and wearing ID bracelets.

I was going to ask for them back, but H moved back and I found them in his dresser drawer. During his deep deep withdrawal depression he was saying that he had "no feelings" and was "trying." We had a rough couple of days with H facilating on whether he was committed to the M or not. The next morning I went and got my rings and his (in his car ashtray) and said that I was going to wear my ring until i'm either dead or divorced--because we are married! I also said that he could keep pretending to the world that he wasn't married, but it was disrespectful to keep his wedding ring in the car ashtray. He still hasn't put on his ring.

I will not take my ring off. I am still married.

I know WH probably doesn't wear his anymore. Many times I've seen him put it on his little finger.

Does he wear it at all when he is with OW? Probably not, especially not now that I have gone to plan B. But his life has been a mystery to me for a while now.

I sometimes think, what's the point of wearing the ring now? It's a symbol that really doesn't have any meaning anymore.

Then I think... well maybe it doesn't mean anything to WH anymore, but it STILL DOES to me.

I'm like Hopeful... I'm wearing it until I'm dead or divorced.

K7

I just posted a similiar thread. It was a thought that crossed my mind and did not realized EO that you started one on the same subject.

I'm still wearing my ring, I might continue to wear it for a while after the DV. I loved this ring, it was personally designed for me by my Wh.

As for his ring, he was going to leave it and I told him to take it with him. He thought it was the right thing to do since he was break up with me. I told him that is for engagement rings if you break up before you marry. I did notice he wasn't wearing the ring last Christmas, he told me it hurt his finger, now I know the real reason.

wow, i can't believe this topic. I am a FWW, d-day about 5 months ago. H took off his ring sometime shortly after d-day, i'm not sure exactly when, he didn't say anything i just noticed one day. i did let him know i noticed but didn't get mad or anything.

last weekend, i brought up his ring, we were relaxing out on the porch at our lake house after the kids were in bed. i asked him if he thought he would ever wear it again, i told him i would like to be the one to put it back on him again when he was ready and that i would like to say my vows to him again. he didn't really respond (but then he is like that, he does not respond externally) i really wish i knew what effect my words/request had on him. nothing has been said since then.

last night, he went out with a friend, before i went to bed i looked in the drawer where i figured the ring would be and i did find it. i took off my rings and put them all together. litereally tied them together with a piece of yarn. i have not decided how i feel about my action yet. part of me thinks, if he is not wearing his because he does not feel good about being married to me than why would he want me wearing mine, and why would i want to wear a ring from someone that does not want me to wear it anymore. i guess that is the part of me that won the debate last night. i had been thinking about it all week. the other part of me thinks i should be wearing it regardless of what he does. but i guess that part lost the debate.

i do know that i intend to either put my rings back on or let H know why I have taken them off. I'm certainly not going to just let him notice (or not notice) on his own. i figure he deserves to be told straight out.

i wonder, am i the only FWS that has taken off their rings for the reason i have stated above?

in my case i removed my rings because he broke his vow. i replaced it with a simple band i bought myself, i didnt want to give off the wrong impression to others. plus i knew i was married. i put his back on his finger and tild him he needed to wear it because it was a sign of MY fidelity. i didnt break my vows or become unfaithful. this bothered him immensly cause he knew what my rings meant to me. but they symbolized his fidelity...which he threw away. maybe someday he will get how important it all is to me but until then i will wear MY ring....

nikko,

your post was very insightful, specifically "i put his back on his finger and tild him he needed to wear it because it was a sign of MY fidelity."

thanks for sharing

<small>[ September 25, 2004, 10:17 AM: Message edited by: pemberley ]</small>

Wow....so I guess I'm the lone weirdo..and now I'm gonna out myself.

When my H and I got married, we were young and broke..so our rings had sentimental value but not $$$ value..so I didn't insure them. His fell off one day a few weeks after our wedding when he was walking home in a rainstorm [he looked through that field for hours, but no luck]...mine fell off at a busy intersection because I had my hand slightly out the window and was twirling it around with my thumb to amuse myself while waiting for the lights to change [this was about 4 years into our marriage, I wanted to get out and get it..but not enough to risk getting plowed by oncoming traffic]...so at the time of the A neither of us had been wearing rings for quite some time. I never really thought anything of it, and I still don't. To me the rings were pretty, and nicely symbolic..but symbolism is somewhat lost on me when the cold slap of reality applies pressure to my life. The A was real..the marriage is real..the rings were pretty..but expendable.

I know that he would like to put a new ring on my finger...more symbolism and sentiment than anything. I think the rings might now mean more to him than they do to me. I'm touched though.. his desire creates meaning for me that would otherwise be absent in a piece of jewelry. He can't pass a jewelry store without asking what sort of design I might like..brings it up at night when we are almost asleep...gee, I think he might be planning something <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So here's my .02 on the rings. The meaning of the rings is personal and subjective. If you want to wear it..d@mn anyone who tells you it is inappropriate...if you are no longer comfortable wearing it..take it off...if you want to smelt them together and have them permanently embedded in your flesh it's your perogative [I understand there is some desire to do something of the sort to WSs...you really need their consent for that sort of thing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ]

--Noodle

I wore mine until the day after the divorce (I filed).
Taking it off because of something my ex did wouldn't make much sense.

You wear the ring because of what YOU believe, not because of what your spouse believes.

<small>[ September 03, 2004, 01:40 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

WW has taken hers off. I have not taken mine off once since the day she put it on my finger in front of God and family. I will not take mine off.

C.

WH took his ring off shortly after he moved out, because as he said he didn't feel married any more. That hurt. I took off my engagement ring but still wear the wedding band.

Took mine off when I started plan a-ing properly. When my WW wants me to wear it again I will wear it. Its a gesture I know. Like the broken heart tattoo I'm getting <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

These threads crop up from time 2 time.

I've never posted 2 one. Hm...

When my W and I decided 2 get M'd, we didn't want engagement/wedding rings, so we exchanged stuff we had. I had a beautiful turquoise necklace given 2 me by a Navajo friend, she had a Quartz and silver ring her grandfather, a prospector, had made.

For the wedding, my MIL insisted on paying for rings, so we bought simple gold bands. I don't remember when my W stopped wearing hers, but I stopped wearing mine when I wore the beading off the edge working on the VWs. Then it wouldn't fit. I've still got it somewhere, but I hadn't been wearing it by D-day, so I didn't think much of it.

My W has been wearing silver rings on her fingers and toes for a few years. I don't THINK it has anything 2 do with RM, as she's said he never gave her anything like that. Interestingly, her left ring finger does NOT have a ring on it. About 2 years ago, she bought me a cool silver "fidget ring" (two parts, with a rotating band on the outside). I wore it more or less the whole time until contact resumed last winter. It's in a drawer now. I've thought about putting it back on, sort of "declaring" it as a wedding ring (my original is probably in a box somewhere, and I like silver better than gold anyway). I've wondered a few times lately why I don't. Then I've wondered a few times why I would.

I probably will. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

-ol' 2long

I think that maybe part of my reluctance to re wear them is that I was going to ask H to renew our wedding vows last November in Las Vagus, but I didn't end going with him. Our 27th Anniversary was to be during that time, & I wanted to put something back into our marriage, we had not had the best marriage for the past few years & now the jigsaw all fits as to why. How could I compete with so many others over the years. Anyway, it's while he was away that I found out about him & my G/F,4 days after our anniversary. I had packed him a cute card to find, but he didn't find it until a few days later & then rang me. He had forgotten about it. By then I knew. I feel that the meaning behind the rings is not true anymore. One of my rings he had given to me whilst he was having 1 of his A's, & now I feel like it was given to me as a guilt thing. H doesn't agree, but maybe this is fog talk. Thanks for all the respones. Gives me other perspectives.
WH 52
BS 48 (for 1 more day)
DD 24
DS 22
D-day 10th November 2003
H had several A's over 10 yrs
Working at staying together forever