Is there anyone out there, BS or WS alike, who can shed some light on plan B, and if it has ever worked as far as bringing thWS back to the marriage?
If so, what was the path back home? How is contact reestablished between spouses? Does the WS suddenly come out of the fog one day and call? Can it be that simple? Plan B letters make clear that there is a path back home, but how does the WS see it? Anyone comment....?

Good questions....id like to hear the answers myself. Often wondered about it.

A/C0810

Bump^^^^

Joe C.

Not to sound flippant but Plan B( if properly followed) is 100 % sure proof. Remember that Plan B is designed to save the BS's remaining love for the WS AND/OR produce changes in the BS that will permit them to go on in life.

The WS returning to the M is obviously the best end result but do not lose site of the entire Plan B concept. If you don't follow these concepts( wanting just to save the M) the BS will end up D'd but still carrying the baggage of that unfinished. unresolved, emotional conflict.

I'm not sure I can answer this correctly, but allow me to try.

If you mean by utilizing Plan B has my M been saved?"

This is very relative because it's a lifetime process. I stumbled mahy times in my Plan B initiative, but by the time I went into Plan B I had Plan A'd for quite sometime. My wife returned home after a 2week psuedo-Plan B, meaning separations and limited contact. Will we be successful at staying that way? I dont think so unless we get into counseling and practice MB Principles of Radical Honesty, Meeting Emotional Needs and so many more. This is a comprehensive process, and a change of the way you interact with your spouse and live your life. I believe success is possible, without MB I know I wouldn't have this opportunity. I credit MB as a whole for providing me with insight to give me the opportunity to save my marriage.

FM

Joe,

I don't know if this qualifies as a Plan B 100%, well, I know it definitely doesn't qualify, but I had been Plan A'ing my butt off for 4 months & finally, after a really bad emotional break & major LB in front of my H, I decided that it was better to distance myself from him for a little while, giving me a chance to heal from a possible breakup. I had a discussion w/him first about it. I told him that I couldn't continue to remain close friends like he wanted to & that I needed some time by myself in order for me to heal from this. Although he understood, he was very heartbroken b/c the thought of losing the friendship he thought we shared just hit him like a ton of bricks. He finally realized that he couldn't imagine his life w/o me in it. He couldn't imagine me as an XW instead of a devoted partner. He couldn't imagine just picking up his kids & us saying hello to each other w/o the deep talks we were starting to have. I followed the conversation up w/a letter explaining my actions, basic reiterating what we had discussed, gave it to him when he picked up the kids & walked away from him (the hardest thing I had to do in my life - but NEEDED for ME).

Although he said that he didn't love me like he thought he should in order to be M to me, he decided that he would try MC to see if we could get the issues we needed to settle, settled. What he discovered was that indeed he didn't want to get D, he just wanted things to get better. Through MC, he wanted to move back home & try to give it another try. After about 2 months or so, he knew that his feelings for me were starting to deepen again when he was at work & all he could think about was me again. After that & till this day, he's the one who initiates ILYs both in person & over the phone.

Now, my sitch turned out the way w/him coming back to the M, but some people's don't. What I discovered during the time I distanced myself from him was that I would definitely be ok with or w/o his return. I started to enjoy life again, I started to do things for myself in order to make me whole again & I discovered that I was a survivor & could overcome anything as long as God showed me the way & it prepared me to continue on w/my life with or w/o him in it.

Hope this helps a little bit,
Y

I don't know if any answers will really help me at this point. Perhaps there is a small dose of comfort in talking, but there really are no right answers, are there? I do want my plan B to end with my WS coming home, but I also realize how it is helping me to heal. But I still have to hold on to hope, for now anyway. I hope I did a good plan A, and I hope WS remembers the sweet times we shared. Though at this time she stands firm on being with OM.

Like the song says...


I'm learning to live without her now, but I miss her sometimes. The more I know, the less I understand. All the things I thought I knew, I have to learn again. I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter, but my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter, but I think it's about forgiveness...


Today I'm going to see the Yankees with a group of friends. This will get my mind off things for a while, but I'll be back. I fear if I don't post here, I'll end up contacting WS, and that will ruin plan B. I'm very lost these days, but I will get through this, we all will...