Sorry all, couldn't work out how to email Blessed Time.


**
Blessed time, I will not let your calculated and blistering attack on me go without a response. I do not know why you have taken such a poisonous dislike to this stranger, but you have, and I will respond at least in this case.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Bob, didn't you tell us that your wife is in the TOP 10 Karate Something or other in the UK?

This sport is as important to her as the people that participate in the olympics...Does she get paid to coach? (Or whatever she does there?)

Could you be a little jealous?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not jealous, proud. I have PROUDLY supported my WW and more recently kids in this sport for 22 years. The sport has been a source of pride and achievement until it became an obsession excluding all family activity for my WW in the last year or so. I even ENCOURAGED my WW to study refereeing with OM which facilitated the A. Hardly the actions of a jealous person.

Also I have my own achievements which balance up the equations which have ALSO been a source of family pride and satisfaction. WW doed not get paid for Karate it costs me upwards of $100 per month for my family to participate in the sport. she gets small expenses in view of refereeing but nothing to offset the cost.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Most of us wives, myself included, have husbands that worked away from home many hours and week-ends...and kids learned to understand without LB ing good ole dad.

Bob, you want us to think you are MR. PURE, MR. PERFECT it seems....You have been on vacation and sure you had time for kids THEN to do fun things.

How about all those business trips you go on and all the hours you worked when the kids were out of school this summer....who was caring for the kids...My guess is that it was MOM...

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My work base has been my house for five years now. When I am NOT travelling ( probably five to ten days per month) I am at home, picking up my kids from school, and having lunch with my WW. Not many fathers have as much time with their kids and W as I have. I am blessed with my job. I could have done MUCH more its true, and its something I have worked on in Plan A. But I refute the accusation you make. Your own H may have been neglectful of spouse and children via his job (if indeed that is the case as it appears from your bitter post) but that is not the case with me.

I would be interested in you pointing out where I have wanted anyone to think I am pure and perfect, indeed anything other than a frightened, clumsy, broken hearted BS trying to rescue my life. My nickname from which my login name is derived has been with me since I was a teenager and the story behind it has nothing to do with being "pure" believe me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
You have critised her about enough...how the Om's girlfriend is younger and prettier, how wife doesn't care for the kids (she does) I am sure she is cooking and cleaning and doing laundry and picking them up at school and spending a lot of time talking with and caring for the kids.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My wife's affair has turned her recently into a monster who does not care for the children as they deserve, and the domestic support she always provided for us as a hard working SAHM has gone down the toilet. Another bad pre-A think I did was left far too much of the chores to my WW. I have fixed that in plan A and for ever. It was direspectful of me, no argument.

OM GF is younger and prettier than my WW in the same way that Orlando Bloom is younger and more handsome to most eyes than I am. An observation not a criticism of my WW. I find my WW very attractive, and have remained faithful to her easily for 22 years despite opportunities presented by sometimes 'younger prettier' ladies.
This phrase appears to be a trigger for you. I am sorry if that is the case, but as I have learned here I am not responsible for your reaction to my post.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Be upset with her for the one month affair (which is over) but maybe you should encourage her karete...which she is GOOD at.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">See above about my near quarter century of enthusiastic emotional, financial and physical support for my WWs sport. Forgive me if I lose enthusiasm in he last year when it has hurt my kids, myself and facilitated an affair because WWs sport has become a non-family obsession.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I know you will hate this critisism and will let me know....I am just getting tired of all your whining...I know, I know, I don't have to read your posts but I am drawn to them, even if they upset me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is your most bizarre and twisted attack. My posts uniquely upset you yet you seek them out ? the solution is in your hands, ma'am. See my tag and avoid reading. I am sure many many others are tired of my 'whining' too, but they vote by not reading or responding to my stuff. Please look inside yourself and see how you are allowing yourself to be hurt deliberately by anonymous internet posts that you can avoid very easily indeed.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
And Bob, just how many HOURS away from the family are you typing at the computer? Check the account check on your server...it is probably about as many hours as your wife is away at Karate! (728 posts in about one month...I have been here for about a year and have 364 posts.)
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I post during my sleepless nights a lot, and I post while I am working. Today I took my kids horse riding and to a great fun museum called 'think-tank' for six hours. They are pooped, kids are currently laughing at "Spongebob Squarepants" on TV for an hour before their friends come to visit this evening.


My WW is spending every possible moment away from the family right now at karate so I am not avoiding her. I consider most of my time here to be 'study' as it helps clarify the MB principles I am learning about from SAA and the wider site. It is not internet chat.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
And I still think it was wrong and insensitve of you to send that phone receipt the day before the OM's son funeral...It could have waited a couple days....You knew it would cause a big fight...
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So you think I should have manipulated the other betrayed partner in this mess to meet MY convenience or my morality not what she thinks is best for her personal and family situation? We disagree on that then BT. She asked for the proof. What right had I got to not give her that? " No I will only send it to you when I think a decent time has passed after the funeral". Unbelievable.

Would you agree that OM GF knows more about what is an appropriate time to confront her life partner of 14 years than you or I do?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
You have taken sides with the girlfriend, for all you know she is a married lady with a child and cheating on her husband with the OM...and you would be an enabler!

You seem to be talking to her a lot on the phone....Maybe stop the girlfriend conversations and talk more with wife!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have taken sides with my marriage. I care for OM GF and her son because as a human being because they are in the same pain as I am. We share a desire all contact to stop for ever between our partners. That is the extent of our 'partnership'. When/if my WW and I recover from this affair she and I will probably never speak again.

OM GF has lived with OM for 14 years since she was 22. They have bought a house together, and have a 10 YO son together. She has lived as his " common law" spouse for 14 years. Apart from the ceremony, she can be considered a BS. Once again you jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts.

I have engaged in three telephone conversations with OMGF, the first exposure one lasting an hour, the second lasting 8 minutes the third lasting 10 minutes. She instigated the second two conversations.

Interestingly, the short time invested in OM GF seems to have been extremely effective in helping stop the affair, while the hours of talk with WW has served only to frustrate and anger everyone.


In closing I cannot control or influence your actions, nor anyones , but I will state for the record that I actively do not welcome your reading or responding to any contribution I make to this forum in future.

Okay Bob, I will honor your request.
Sincerely, Julie

P.S. If anyone else wants to post on this thread it is alright with me.

<small>[ September 04, 2004, 06:15 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

Bob - I have read many posts from BlessedTime. They have always been very supportive.

I know that the two of you have not hit it off, but please realize that BT is really trying to help you.

At MB you are free to take advice or ignore it. Sometimes the advice is way off base. But it is always meant to help you.

I don't see a darn thing other than stupid, mindless personal attacks on a hurting, grieving person. How in the world can any thinking person consider this gratuitious cheap shot to be "supportive:"

"You have taken sides with the girlfriend, for all you know she is a married lady with a child and cheating on her husband with the OM...and you would be an enabler!

Let's not pretend this attack is anything other than what it really is: a mean-spirited, unwarranted, petty cheap shot.

Cheap and petty, BT....

<small>[ September 04, 2004, 06:32 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Beleiver, I have been a qualified commercial psychologist for a decade and I know issue projection signature behaviour when I see it. ( my role is to mitigate large deals when they go sour). BTs character assassination of me was not positively intentioned and she knows it. It more to do with unresolved anger and bitterness with herself that anything I have done imo.

I disagree believer that everyone on here is well intentioned. The only thing we have in common on here is a broken heart. BT set about hurting me. she failed which is a testament to how stable I have become since d-day.

I wish her well, but I would welcome a letter of no contact from her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks Believer...You are ALWAYS so sweet and SO diplomatic...~lol~

I think what bothers me with Bob's posts are they are SO one -sided...His wife is unable to give her side to the story....And stories always have two sides.

So for 730some posts, he has been criticizing his wife, perhaps justified BUT I would rather he just posted HIS feelings without the criticisms.

People always talk about their mates being in a 'fog'...when in reality they are going about their daily lives, almost the same as always, that is why often no one knows about the affair for YEARS...they are just infatuated and smitten with someone else, other than their H or W!

If we are to be honest, shouldn't our mates be able to come here and read what we write? I hope I have never degraded my husband...I know my situation is different, as his affair was over when I found out, however, he sure had a sorrowful withdrawal from the OW.

And Bob and someone else called me self-righteous...I am quite the opposite...I am a sinner saved by grace....I was even tempted this summer to have an affair with an old dear friend...So, NO , self-righteous, I am NOT.
Love, Julie

Julie, every BS and WS who comes here tells "their" side of the story. They obviously can't tell someone's else's side so I haven't a clue why you are using that as an excuse to attack Bob.

Your attacks are completely uncalled for and I think Bob correctly identified them for what they really are: projection from your unresolved bitterness and anger. There is certainly is no other rational explanation.

This forum is a place for folks to come and get support, not to listen to your nasty, unwarranted, gratuitious cheap shots. There was absolutely no call for your mean, hateful comments and I have reported them to the mods.

You are way out of line, lady.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
People always talk about their mates being in a 'fog'...when in reality they are going about their daily lives, almost the same as always, that is why often no one knows about the affair for YEARS...they are just infatuated and smitten with someone else, other than their H or W!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK now you have become offensively clueless.

Your mate may well have been going about their everyday business during the 'fog' but WW is unrecognisable as the great wife,friend, mother and lover of a year ago.

She is vicious, lying, vindictive, hurtful, uncaring, a poor mother self centred...the opposite of her true personality pre-A.

You quite evidently have not the slightest clue as to the dynamics of most affairs as even the most causal reading of SAA would have taught you that your entire posted statement is UTTER rubbish. Kindly keep you ill-informed, poisonous opinion to yourself.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Blessed TIME:
[QB] Okay Bob, I will honor your request.
Sincerely, Julie


Dear Julie,
OK now, please honor your word to honor Bob's request.
ENOUGH! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Well, Melody Lane, you should know as you let out some of the most unkind nasty remarks I have ever read.

Go back and read what you just wrote to me.

I thought it was OK to write on THIS thread because it was addressed to me.

Love, Julie

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Blessed TIME:
<strong> Well, Melody Lane, you should know as you let out some of the most unkind nasty remarks I have ever read.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Julie, that tactic won't work with me. There is nothing "unkind" about pointing out your hateful, gratuitious cheap shots. You'll have to do better than that to justify your mean, hateful cheap shots to Bob.

<small>[ September 04, 2004, 07:09 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

So BT, you are allowed to be factually incorrect, highly opinionated and vicious, but others are not allowed to pass comment on your contributions?

You have issues BT. Please get them dealt with. Hiding behind a religious tag won't help you when your posts are so calculatedly uncharitable.This fight is helping no-one, how do you suggest we stop it as you seem unable or unwilling to comply with my request to ignore my contributions. Must I leave this site ? I will do that before I tolerate your clumsy, uninformed, holier-than-thou spite again.

Bob,
You have asked Julie to stop replying to you but she seems to feel the need to continue the attacks regardless.

She said that she would honor your request but she seems to be unable to honor her own word.

Now the attacks begin towards another poster.

I have e-mailed the mods also. I would suggest that you ask the mods to lock this thread, it is becoming especially hateful and helping no one.

Don't you DARE leave this iste Bob because of one poster. I was terribly hurt by a poster and yet remained and was able to work through some very tough times with the help of caring, compassionate MB'ers. Take the good and throw out what is not helping you. I know that you are hurt in your own marriage and the last thing you need here is to feel attacked.

{{{{{BOB}}}}}

Well, Bob, you feel justified to attack me now?

I agree, this thread is going nowhere, I will stop posting on this thread. (Unless I feel I have to defend myself?)

Julie

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grevious words stir up anger. Proverbs 15:1

Peace everyone, please.

BT if you consider my posts an attack you have little experience of attack. An attack is the withing scorn your have poured upon my tragedy in at least three post so far. Just know that you cannot spout utter unsubtantiated rubbish to me as if it is gospel and expect my agreement. Your posts are entirely without substance, both regarding my story AND the behaviour of WS in 'fog'.

You have a real hatred of this unimportant stranger. That alone demonstrates that you have dreadful unresolved issues. I may have inadvertedly triggered bad memories in you, but you have denied this.

BT it is clear that nothing I could say other than an explicit agreement with your rambling assumptons would meet your approval. That, I cannot do as you are almost entirely wrong, and out of order in your posts.

I pity you for your evident pain and unresolved issues BT, but you are helping no-one by exposing them in this way.

Isn't there enough hurt and pain on this forum without applying it to one another?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Enough.....

comments,,,questions,,,email me

<small>[ September 04, 2004, 07:42 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>