There seems to be a rash lately of people coming to this forum for the express purpose of causing hate and discontent. I think by the very nature of us having to come to this site in the first place we already have enough of that.<P>There also seems to be a lot of , IMO, bashing of other members going on as well. <P>It doesn't matter if the betrayer is male or female they made the same mistakes. The very fact that they have come to this forum says that they regret what pain they have caused and are looking for ways to correct things.<P>Some times the member is also an OM or OW. Just as for the betrayer, they have come to realize the pain they have caused and once again are here to learn how to repair the damage which has been caused.<P>Then there is the betrayed, who come here for solace and guidance.<P>Many times a member falls into more than one catagory. . . This fact does not make them any less of a person.<P>We are all here because of infidelity. We are all looking for answers, and yes sometimes those answers hurt just as much as the uncertainty does.<P>The constant bashing of each "group", the stereotypical assualts on men and women are getting out of hand. . .<P>Then were are forced to endure the likes of a carlton . . . someone who does nothing but stir up more hate, more pain and more frustration. How can someone who has just found this site learn anything about their own situation with all this going on??<P>This has also effected those who have been coming here for a while and has at least in part prompted some to leave, when this forum may be their only chance to vent and regroup.<P>It's time for me to go away. Maybe just for a while, maybe longer. My W and I are making more progress than I had imagined we would.<P>To me, this is no longer a place of healing. . .it has become a place to attack those who are asking for help.<P>God Bless<p>[This message has been edited by Empty Shell (edited September 17, 1999).]

Take care<BR>Maybe if everyone on this site would just stop responding to Carlton's posts, he will get bored and go away.

Empty Shell, I think you are right. I understand completely.<P>And a break is a very good idea. When this stuff begins on the forum, it makes me start to feel hopeless. But what I have seen in the past, is that infidelity causes so much tension in lives - it bleeds through the words. And the tension on this board comes and goes - a roller coaster of itself. <P>So taking a break is not such a bad idea. But I for one, will ride the coaster, knowing all downs will go up.<P>See you soon, my friend. You and hopeful have made tremendous progress - and maybe it is time to move forward. Take with you the hopes we have for you, and the faith that you've shown.<P>God Bless<BR>Connie

Empty Shell,<BR>I could not agree with you more. You have hit the nail on the head.<BR>I wish you and your wife much success and love.<P>------------------<BR>That which does not kill us, will make us stronger.<BR>* Viki<P>

Empty Shell,<P>So very, very true. Basically in the same situation as you, H and I have progressed, and I've decided the same, it's time to move on. Best of luck to both you and your wife!

hello empty, will you check in once and a while to let us know you are doing great?! <BR>My h read a few threads a couple weeks ago, and was not pleased at all. I cannot fault the attitude because of what he chose to read. He stated that there were a few that acted holier than jc, then dubbed this the marriage wreckers forum for some of the painful threads. I get around this by not reading some of the posts or threads anymore. There are certain names that I just cannot read without it causing very bad feelings-so I stay away from that. <BR>Interesting how some things hit us all so different! You mentioned carlton but he does not get to me at all. He is a lost soul and he will find the way eventually-if he wants too. <BR>Take a break, and if you drop in please say hi! And you can always ignore the ugly's!!

Thank you my friends. I just want to clarify one or two things.<P>Carlton is not my problem. While his attitude disturbs me, he is just the most recent example. There have been several people who have come here looking to cause problems in the past few months.<P>I have talked before about my displeasure concerning attacks on individuals, myself included. I have also seen my W attacked in the past. This also disturbs me. She came here looking for help with our situation, and more than once has been attacked. I can remember several other members who have been attacked, and though I do not know any of you personally, I have come to view you as friends and family. When you hurt . . . I hurt.<P>I commented in my first post of this thread that this site that this is no longer a place of healing. This disturbs me more than I can explain. My W and I have found many who have offered us help, when they themselves are in tremendous pain. Those of you who have responded to this thread are just of few who have offered their help. I know I have come to value your input, and I believe my W has as well.<P>. . . I don't know, maybe I just need a break. <P>I will probably still be reading here. I think I have become addicted as so many others have described. I just don't know if I can respond for a while. I wish I could explain what it is I am feeling. I have been thinking about this for a few days, and can't even really explain it to myself. I guess something is missing that I once found here.<P>I hope you can understand.<P>God Bless

Well, I stayed away for a couple days. . .W kept reading, but said nothing to me about what she read. She didn't even say anything about this post.<P>I spent the weekend watching TV and playing on the sony. I don't know if I have figured anything out, or if I have just resigned myself to the fact that this forum will go through the same roller coaster we all are. Maybe it's just because I have a birthday coming up and our wedding anniversary (We got married on my birthday -- Not my decision by the way). Feeling old (It might be nice to be 100 instead of just feeling that way sometimes.) Even though hopeful and I are doing very well, I still find myself doing a lot of reflection around "holidays".<P>I know, I am making excuses. I think I am back now.<P>God Bless

Cool empty shell! Glad you are back. <BR>Birthdays are not my favorite...it is like shoving the age thing right in your face. Gee, the rest of the year we can pretty much ignore it, except the occasional pain getting out of bed in the morning! Last year my birthday was probably the worst on record...but this year I plan to make it a celebration of renewal, a positive experience. I am not at all sure about sharing my birthday with an anniversary-that would be tough. <BR>Maybe your wife did not mention the posts because she is digesting, or because she read nothing notable to her? Maybe she ws just in a quiet reflective mode? Sometimes I try to analyze why my h said nothing or acted in a certain way and usually I am wrong! Especially lately iwth the over-reacting I have been doing. Wayyy to sensitive about some things. <BR>Have a great monday....as much as possible anyway!

cl -- Thanks for your reply, sharing my birthday with our anniversary has never really been an issue for. I think it puts extra stress on my W when it comes to deciding on gifts, especially when I never seem to know what I want.<P>I didn't comment on my W not telling me what she read to sound like I was judging her. I was simply saying that she was continuing to read, even if I was acting wierd. I was a little suprised that she didn't ask me about my post though.<P>Well, I need to get back to work, so thanks again cl.<P>God Bless