I am in a ten year relationship with the same woman, and we had a wonderful marriage last month. Although I have always been incredibly in love with my wife and never doubted that she is the one with whom I want to grow old, I have also often had the urge to cheat. My question is, are humans really capable of monogamy?? is it the natural state of affairs or a man made concept??

Hi,

I think monogamy is possible. I would discuss your urge with your wife. Please be gentle with her as this will hurt her. But she deserves to know so she can help you. Maybe the two of you are in a rut. Maybe there is some need she is not meeting of yours.

Thanks for answering Genia. I appreciate you taking the time even if I don't have any real problems or issues. Regarding telling my wife, she realises that I have had these urges in the past as she, luckily, caught me a few years ago having an EA with a co-worker. I haven't had the urge now in a while but it has happened periodically in the past.

Thanks for answering Genia. I appreciate you taking the time even if I don't have any real problems or issues. Regarding telling my wife, she realises that I have had these urges in the past as she, luckily, caught me a few years ago having an EA with a co-worker. I haven't had the urge now in a while but it has happened periodically in the past.

Thanks for answering Genia. I appreciate you taking the time even if I don't have any real problems or issues. Regarding telling my wife, she realises that I have had these urges in the past as she, luckily, caught me a few years ago having an EA with a co-worker. I haven't had the urge now in a while but it has happened periodically in the past.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CuriosityKilledTheCat:
<strong> My question is, are humans really capable of monogamy?? is it the natural state of affairs or a man made concept?? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course humans are capable of monogamy. Humans are very capable of controlling their behavior; that is what seperates us from animals.

Every one has urges to do bad things sometimes, that is just natural. But that doesn't mean we act on them. I had an urge to punch my neighbor last weekend, it doesn't mean that I should follow through.

Curiosity,

I recommend you pick up the book, Why We Love by Helen Fisher.

It is a study of the biochemistry of love and lust in human beings and is a fascinating read. It will help you to understand that all humans are hard-wired to have an affair. What we must do is recognize this and take the steps to protect ourselves. This includes recognizing the areas where weakness enters our lives and building preventive walls to protect us.

For example, let's say that you easily become friends with women...women naturally like you and tend to tell you personal things about their lives. Knowing that is the situation, you must create a respectful distance between you and other women. When the conversations become personal, you should redirect them. If your job includes working with many women, you might consider a job change.

But knowing where we are vulnerable is a huge first step. Next: how to patch those holes so the strangers cannot enter our lives and ruin our marriages.

Good luck!