Hi MB'ers, Just wanted to let you know that I completed my first official week in Plan B with no contact. It was a little easier for me because WH is overseas and I let him know just before he left last Tuesday. Now, I could not contact him if I wanted to. I asked him to move out when he returns; I will be on a trip myself and won't be here when he moves his stuff. For those of you that are may be going to Plan B, I can offer a few observations.

I completed five months of a solid Plan A with few LBs. During that time, I followed the advice of many posters here: put my complete trust in God; read everything I can get my hands on and now have small library of infidelity/self-help books; in IC; have support group of friends and family; exercise; journaled; take Anti-d's; and have gotten out to do things on my own.

I admit I prepared for Plan B. I printed out a calendar and filled in the days with things I wanted to do. So far, I gone to extra workouts, had spa appointments, stayed out shopping until the stores closed, visited with my sister over Labor Day. I am also going to take myself on short holiday for three days to a foreign country that I have never been, but always wanted to go. I am learning the language by listening to tapes in the car.

WH has left voice mail messages three times during the week. They are very matter of fact messages, along the lines of "checking in" and acting as if nothing happened. No reference to PBL; in fact, he left the letter here. The first message was that he arrived and I could leave him a message on his cell number (that is a bad topic, because he got a second cell phone that he could use while overseas. OW has number, but I do not. So much the better for my Plan B.) His second message let me know how he was doing and hoped I was doing okay. The third message yesterday said he was okay and he checks everyday for a message from me. Ha! That is NOT going to happen.

For the most part, I have been at peace. For the entire week, I have missed him maybe about two hours total...one time over the weekend, a time or two on the way to work or back when I was use to hear from him. In preping for this time, I even saved messages so I could hear his voice, but I have not listened to them. I have put emphasis on keeping busy.

More of my thoughts have been centered around distancing myself from him. I even thought the D-word. I have thought how I deserve better...a better me, a better M with a better him or a better someone else. This Plan B stuff is enpowering. Just so you know my perspective, I tend to be a very independent person. Also people have told me that I give others four chances not three. I know from experience that once I have given that many chances, I am generally done. Plan A was harder for me. I have a hard time trusting in the first place and when I do, I am loyal to a fault...so once I am hurt, I move on. I am glad about my Plan A and not waiting any longer to go to Plan B. I could not have made it without more LB or love loss.

This second week I think will be a little easier than the first because of my upcoming holiday...I need a rest. It has been draining these last few months and I finally feel my personal "well" filling back up. It is because of the emphasis on me. I do things for me. I spend time with people that see me as positive. I take care of me. No more drama at home. No more middle of the night drives or having to put up with the anger, the moodiness, the sudden disappearances, the inablility to get in touch via cell, the wondering and the agony. I see why seasoned MB'ers say to BS's, don't be so anxious to let the WS's back into your life until the boundaries are set and you can be safe.

I hope this info, helps someone out there. It is a tough road and a very personal journey, although we are not alone...we have each other in this place. God bless all of us in this struggle.

SS - I just want to offer my support and admiration for your determination, courage, patience and vision.

I am preparing for plan B in the next few weeks and have my own post on this subject.

Good luck and stay strong. I'll be saying a prayer for you keeping a keen eye on your progress.

Wow SureSurvivor,

You are one organized lady! I am very impressed by you, in fact I'm almost thinking of printing this out as a lesson in organization. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm serious, you sound great and your handle really says it all.

Please keep keeping us posted.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SureSurvivor:
<strong> Hi MB'ers, Just wanted to let you know that I completed my first official week in Plan B with no contact. It was a little easier for me because WH is overseas and I let him know just before he left last Tuesday. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sure,
You're doing a GREAT Plan B, so much better than my Plan B that I'm embarrassed. The fact your H's overseas doesn't take away from how great your doing. During my short Plan B I couldn't stop emailing my W. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I just wanted to pat you on the back and say,"You Go Lady!"

I hope he wakes up soon.

<small>[ September 08, 2004, 06:23 AM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

Hi SS..........good for you, sounds like your doing great. Im plugging away at plan b also and i love it. It does make you feel empowered.

A/C0810

ss-

Try to keep a journal. There is not a lot of information on this board about what to do in Plan B.

I have been mostly in Plan B for over a year. (I say mostly, because WH has showed up at the house several times. but in a year I have talked to him less than 10 hours).

At first he came over constantly, and sat on the porch, banging on the door. Then I heard nothing for 3 months.

Suddenly out of the blue he called me at work and said he was moving back in. Since he refused to send NC letter, I kept him out.

I know Plan B works, either by bringing WS back, or letting BS get to the point where they are happy to go on alone. Good luck with yours.

SureSurvivor! You ROCK! I never actually got to my own Plan B, but my FWH Plan B'd ME! So I had to wean myself off of him, get used to not talking to him, emailing him. Began killing my own spiders . . . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And when H came home, I had a hard time squeezing him into my busy schedule at first! Seriously. He came home very suddenly, and while I hadn't given up hope of reconciliation, I had definately settled in for the long-haul.

Chance favors the prepared, so you should expect the unexpected. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hang tight! You are doing great. Keep posting.

Spidey

hold steady suresurvivor...

revel in your removal from chaos...

(love those calls eh?)

ARK

Thanks to all for your support...you are all very special people to reach out and help others. I feel as if I can continue to be strong because of your feedback.

RM: you can do Plan B...you seem like a thoughtful and reflective person which will help you in both closing out Plan A and going to Plan B. The time away from the "insanity" will serve you well.

Weaver: Thanks so much for your reassurance and support...I hope to keep busy and pushing myself to do things instead of sulk.

FM: I am so happy for you. You have everything to be proud of because you are together as a family and everything that you did lead to making that happen. Your faith, self-awareness and growth will continue to guide you through a promising recovery.

A/C: Plan B buddy--keep busy and stay strong. If you will, I will too.

Believer: Thank you for your words. Journaling has always helped me to work through my thoughts. I fill pages and pages of my feelings and eventually I feel better. You are a help and inspiration to so many people here and I see how they care so much about you.

Spidey: You have helped me to stay strong and positive with your suggestions and observations to me and others. I have benefitted so much from your postings; they have helped me to get "unstuck" when I have been down, way down in a hole.

Ark: Thank you for your words. I am glad to be away from the chaos. I was at the Plan B threshold about two months earlier and I read one of your postings--it refocused me and I was able to hang on a little longer in Plan A.

For the most part I am at peace. I have been feeling a backlash of repressed anger. Even though I know when WH lips are moving, they are lying. My post Plan A snooping has added fuel to the fire. I compared his cell phone to a log I kept of where he said he was and I can see he was lying. He also told me that OW was moving this month, but I went by her apt complex and there were no vacanies...and checked the mail box. She still lives there.

The bad thing is "anger begats anger"...when expressed it does not subside, it builds. I had read in another post, how IC is vital in Plan B because it may all feel like a BS withdrawal and pre-D plan. I think that is where I am which I would guess is normal. I'm trying to replace negative thoughts with positive ones and I will schedule a IC appt.

Any other thoughts on how to deal with anger and resentment?

Anyway, thanks to all for your feedback. I will be away for a few days, but will post when I return. I have printed these pages and will keep them in my journal which is with me at all times. When I feel down or unable to go on, I take them out and read them. Then I feel better and continue on. Dear God, thank you for all the special people here on MB.