How are you fellows doing?

Graycloud, been following your posts...am glad to see that you're happy about calling your wife! How's that going for you?

juke, haven't heard much from you except responses to other's posts. How are *you* doing?

park...I read your last post and sorry to see that things are proceeding in a direction you would rather they not. Still the same this week? How was your holiday weekend (not sure where you live so maybe it wasn't a holiday for you?)

Hi Maddy,

I'm okay still. I'm frustrated. I am disappointed in my WW. And as always, fighting impatience. If my D is going to start, I want to get the notice. I'm sick of holding my breath every time I open the mailbox. I'm not going to feel good when I get that thing.

This weekend, I'll be putting together the next of what I think Binder called the "white doves". I have a good card, but I need something to put inside it. That's my current sparrow-related project.

But I have some gray-related projects I need to work on too.

GC

Hey maddyk. Things are still dicey. My WW is a lunatic, one day nice as can be the next day flying off the handle about something. We have been doing a lot of talking lately, unfortunately most of the talk revolves around getting a D. She still hasn't filed. As much as she says she is done she can't quite seem to let go of me and end it. She is finding out now that school has started how hard things are with work, the kids, taking care of the house etc. I used to pick the kids up from school and did pretty much all of the upkeep of the house. So now to make things easier for herself she wants to sell our house and move to a house that requires less upkeep and is closer to her office and the school. I don't know how we can sell our house with all the work that needs to be done on it but she wont let me on the property to do any of the work on the house! I am starting to lose my mind trying to deal with her. And of course she wants to sell immediately because she has already found another house that she wants to move fast on. Things are very crazy and dysfunctional. My WW is now trying to convince me that she is not a very good person and that I deserve someone better than her. She is trying everything she can think of to get me to admit defeat so she can move on with a clear conscious. But through all this I have been doing a much better job of maintaining my cool than she has.

Anyways, thats a little of what's going on in my world. How about you? How are things going for you? And yes my holiday weekend was a blast. I am still trying to detox from it.

Hey maddyk, I am doing excellent. Thanks for asking. Is my wife coming home? No. Will she ever? Maybe not. Does that effect my overall life and well being at this point? No. So I would say I am doing well. The only pain I felt was the week that my WW almost came back home. that was a couple weeks ago. I was pulled back in from that, but I am fine now. The house is mine now and the D will go thru I think this week. Haven't heard from her since last week and maybe that is why I feel so good. Life without her isn't so bad. If this is how it's going to be then I can handle it. I would love to have her back under good circumstances, but if that doesn't happen it isn't the end of the world at all.

juke, things seem to be going well for you INTERNALLY and that's a wonderful thing to see. You seem to have a really great attitude right now. I'm trying to get to that point..and I see it in the future. Couldn't happen quicker if ya ask me!! Good for you for LIVING!!

parkem, I think it's pretty normal for a spouse to try and convince us that they're not good enough for us. I get it all the time. I'm like..well...duh!! What does that make me since I'm waiting on ya to wake your [censored] up?!? You seem to be in a good place in your head right now too. I suggest you let HER file if she's gonna file. You don't want her back like she is right now anyway. Just want you to know that i'm thinking of you. You only keep doing this as long as you feel that you can. I feel like you're one of us folk who *feel* like they found MB just a LITTLE too late for it to be effective. Maybe it is that way, maybe it isn't. Join the club, as dubious as the membership might be!

gc, I am still so proud of you for taking the step to contact your wife! You said yourself that the action, not the results is what matters and that's so true. This was a step forward for YOU! It sounds to me like you're enjoying thinking up these little cards and gifts to your wife no matter the reaction. Yep, ideally they would have they intended reaction..but as long as you're enjoying it, why not?

As for me..well...my husband agreed to counseling with the Harley's yesterday as soon as I get a job (we're splitting costs). I'm not putting too much expectation into that--I feel that he's only doing it for my sake. But..still..maybe something will click with him. Can't hurt anyway. I feel like this is a last ditch effort and while I KNOW he's not committed..if they counseling does not help then I will still feel like I did what I could. Miracles can happen, but it's best not to expect them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks Maddyk- It's weird. I feel almost like I am close to saying NO to her if she were asking to come back. That is amazing. She has let this go on soo long that I am getting tired of it all. Not having to deal with her right now is a blessing.

Maddyk, Yeah I do feel like I found MB a little too late. Didn't find it until August but stuff started happening in April. Lost a lot of valuable time there at the beginning now I'm just grasping for straws. I need to let her file if she is going to. She keeps trying to get me on board with the whole idea and make it a joint venture. I have got to stop letting her get to me and stick to what I believe. If it is going to happen it is going to happen, but no sense helping her get the ball rolling. And you are right, I don't want her back as she is right now. I am trying to meet her tonight. Must remember my 'Fog Babble Deflector'

Good luck on your counseling. You never know what's going to happen. Maybe something will slip through the barrier and rattle his brain. My WW finally went to counseling, once, for my sake. Didn't really get anywhere but it was interesting to her my counselor's psychoanalysis of her afterwards.

Maddyk, I hope you have a big greazy turkey leg in your hand right now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> No? Big slice of pizza?

Thanks for your kind words. Regarding the little things I send... hey, if they don't work, then it's still good practice for the next time I have a woman in my life, right?

GC

juke, I think that as long as you can look back without regret..as long as you feel that you've really done everything that you could..then you're in a good spot right now. I hope that when I get to that point that I feel the same way. I think that's everyone's hope. While I hate to see anyone close the door for good, as long as there's no regret, then it's okay.

parkem, same here. Actually the affair was a year ago in march or february and I wish I had found MB *then*...but barring that, then I wish I had found it at least a year from the A. lol..as it is, I didn't find it until I was actually physically separated. But oh well..no sense in dwelling. I'm doing what I can RIGHT NOW and that is what's important NOW and to my FUTURE. I agree with you..don't help her with this. While we all want to move on with our lives and heal regardless of how our marriages are (like our dear juke up there), I feel like helping them along right now is giving them a justification later on in their lives. Yeah, I don't want my hsuband to hurt forever and I cannot save him from his mistakes, but he will NOT look back at this years later and truthfully say that he thought a divorce was what I wanted. Plus..from the outside looking in, I don't feel you're done yet. If you meet her tonight, good luck. Just take everything in stride and remember that she is trying to somehow justify her every action right now.

Teehee..I've been making very sure to eat things with lots of protein..making sure to drink water and lots of juice. Even some movie-theater-butter microwave popcorn with EXTRA butter and parmesean cheese. Not the healthiest of meals but I think at this point I need to add a little fat on and just get my body out of survival mode.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hey, if they don't work, then it's still good practice for the next time I have a woman in my life, right?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Most definitely. We all enjoy hearing about these things you're doing because many of us would love to have these things done for us..so I think you're on the right track and learning to do these things effortlessly and because you ENJOY doing them will help you out no matter what happens.

from the outside looking in, I don't feel you're done yet

Thanks for the support. I wish I had your same optimism. I think my WW falls in the category of 'Exit Affair' We were struggling for 6 mos prior to April and she was unhappy. She was just waiting for the right somebody to give her an excuse to leave. Doesn't make it right, but I think it makes it harder to recover from. I know there is not much to do at this point except hang in, stall and avoid LB's. Hope for that miracle that you talk about.