Well a lot of Triggers and a lot of talking to my Wife (FWW). We went through all of the details of what I call the "Courting Stage". She told me how he persued her and how her general feeling was about him and why she said yes. I went through the 10 questions to ask and am starting to feel better.....for now.

While talking to my wife I realized that I now have nothing that is mine and only mine in this relationship. My marriage was something that I was very proud of and the one thing that I held in the highest regard. Now it has been tainted.. I still love my wife and love beig a family but this relationship with my wife was probably the only thing I ever stuck to in my whole life. And now that has been taken away...I have to live knowing that it has been shared with the guy down the street.

So the Question
When do you find something that is only yours or get feeling OK about what you have?

P.S. I moved over to GQII I dont know if this is the right protocal I am still a newbie at this.

My First post if anyone wants more background.

My Story

One of the things that helped me to deal with my XWW [first W] infidelities was the truth that NOTHING in this world truly belongs to us. What we think is OURS is only given to us temporarily but will eventually be taken away from us. Our possesions, our loved ones and even our bodies are on loan from God who is the one TRUE owner of EVERYTHING in this universe and beyond. As much as I would love to beleive that my W [second and last one] is MINE, the truth is that she is only SHARING what is hers [or what God is loaning to her] with me in an exclusive and committed relationship [marriage]. She is my W NOT an owned object.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by T00MuchCoffeeMan:
<strong> One of the things that helped me to deal with my XWW [first W] infidelities was the truth that NOTHING in this world truly belongs to us.

She is my W NOT an owned object. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can I get an AMEN?

Travel,
I see what you mean though, your M is not just W it's the IDEA of the two of you! I wish I had this attitude before I had an A years ago. You're right! It's a intangible, priceless thing and yes that pristine notion has been damaged. How about we bring that notion down to earth and instead of picturing it as this perfect union, lets reclassify it as a imperfect union that is striving for perfection. Life happens and things go off course. I'm not trying to make light of the A, I know its very painful to struggle through the after effects of an A. My W's A almost destroyed my sense of self until I realized that she made mistakes and that I would make it my business to spearhead our repair.

You M has been changed forever, but it can become better than it ever was. Travel alot of people have M's that aren't tainted with A's, but not all of those people have rewarding, healthy, vibrant M's. I had to take a step back and realize eventhough my M isn't as pristine as we dreamt the day we said I do, but it's still here and the possiblities are endless. I now have an opportunity to make a great M, lets face it, without adversity most people don't strive to make gains. I know I'm rationalizing and trying to put a positive spin on a negative event, but the way I see it either I look at the upsides or I might as well chuck in the towel because if I can't look towards the future with optimism concering my M, then why be M'd at all?

Just my thoughts on a rainy Wednesday.

FM

You both are right..NOTHING is truly yours but there is a sense of comfort and peace in certain situations. You certainly have given me things to think about.

I think now what is MINE (and ours for that matter) is this unbelievable ability to work hard at this and not do the easy and quit. I am getting peace in knowing that I am being strong in these adverse conditions.

I need to have something that is special (mine) to keep going, even though it is on loan as you say it is still mine in the present.

Thank you both for commenting.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by travel fool:
<strong>

I think now what is MINE (and ours for that matter) is this unbelievable ability to work hard at this and not do the easy and quit.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I disagree with you there friend.

It's harder to QUIT!

You still love her regardless, you're just hurt. Think about it, it would be extremely hard to quit. You would have this nagging feeling like you gave up too soon. Quitting would haunt you. There is another side to the token:
If you choose not to stay in your M and you come to that conclusion after doing everything possible, you won't see it as quitting but as the natural order of things.

You'd be at peace with it, and not just for a little while, but FOREVER. I hope you catch my meaning. There is no easy way out, believe me if there was, someone on this site would have discovered it and a Moderator would have stickied it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It just takes time.

Hang in there.

<small>[ September 09, 2004, 09:24 AM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

Hmmmmm.....Interesting.

But the easy part is that the quitting has already happened. In having the A my Wife quit and I would be just saying OK to her actions and moving on.

Your right though it is hard to quit without a fight in anything. You never know what you are really capable of if you dont try.

Thanks for the thought ....now I'm really thinking again What is Mine????

Whats YOURS?
Your convictions
your joys
your smiles
your tears
your principles
your hopes
your goals
your dreams

Of course these things all can change when you decide. I'm no expert, but somewhere along the way during my ups, downs and turnarounds I found something; Myself. We're all on our own personal journeys, by choice we include people to take those journeys with us, but we are still on our own journey albeit with the company of a spouse. Humanity is a fragile thing, and we will have some stumbles on our journey, but I've realized there are no perfect journeys. I accept that any obstacle I face are opportunities to learn more about myself and experience my journey more fully. It's all hindsight and making the best decisions with given the information that we have, feeling the way we do at that second. Your question is a good one, WHAT IS MINE?
Nothing except those things you can control. The rest are pretty, beautiful glimpses of GOD in human form that we have the blessing to enjoy and marvel at during our journey.

I sound sappy, but that's my belief and it's MINE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />