He sends me emails like this...... I just don't understand him. He seems so calm and like everything will be just fine...any advice on his email????? Help!!!!

T-
you cant see the angel, you cant see the air, you cant see the love for you, but its everywhere.  You are not alone.   Anonymous  from baptist faith.  
 
you will be fine, Trisha, just believe.
 
I think you should still really consider reading the book I mentionned. The title is misleading.  Even if you just read the forward/preface... It with entice you to continue. It will take less than 2 minutes to read the foward.  If you dont like it dont get it, very simple.   It has nothing to do with religion at all. I leave it up to you...do as you please.  The very first sentence in the forward reads: " there is no such thing as divorce............." 
 
Trisha, this is no one elses life but yours.  Not your moms, not your friends...it is yours.  Give yourself a chance.  Please understand that I am trying to help not hurt.  The harm has been done so now move forward. I understand your pain and I am trying to help with as much compassion as I can given the situation.  In your last email, if those were your true words, you seemed to be gaining courage and strength.  I can only encourage you to stay strong and stay on that path to healing.  Stop blaming everything and everyone else around you.  It prevents you from healing.

TR,
He sounds like a fog head to me. Period.
My only fear is that he wont realize it until it's too late. BLAH! He seems to be going to far lengths to justify his poor choices. Nothing is worth forfeiting your integrity. Nothing built on lies and deception will prosper. I almost feel sorry for him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

FM

<small>[ September 08, 2004, 04:13 PM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

T

He is being passive agressive as is my WW. He is trying to manipulate you into thinking you will be ok as long as you give him what he wants. Nothing he writes is wrong but givent eh situation its sounds like guilt to me.

YOU WILL survive whatever happens but YOU will do it on YOUR terms and not his.

How you feel is not for him to guide. How you feel is for YOU to control.

fog, guilt, fog, guilt

What!?!

you will be fine, Trisha, just believe.

I'm making you suffer, but it's okay because your suffering is only temporary.

Trisha, this is no one elses life but yours. Not your moms, not your friends...it is yours. Give yourself a chance.

Blah blah blah, here's something that sounds good so I'll say it even though it doesn't mean a damned thing.

Please understand that I am trying to help not hurt.

Please understand that I am trying to get away with hurting you.

The harm has been done so now move forward.

Suck it up, sister.

I understand your pain and I am trying to help with as much compassion as I can given the situation.

I don't have the first clue what your pain feels like, but I'm going to pretend to get it and make believe like I give a $h1t because it helps me ease my guilt.

In your last email, if those were your true words, you seemed to be gaining courage and strength. I can only encourage you to stay strong and stay on that path to healing.

I read your last email and said, "Whew!" She's almost all healed. Now I can do whatever I want to without feeling like a jerk."

Stop blaming everything and everyone else around you. It prevents you from healing.

Stop blaming me for something that's completely my fault. It prevents me from being able to run and play and step on you without feeling kinda bad about it.

[censored].

GC

Thanks FM and JAH!
He goes from one extreme to the other. He si trying to find ways to justify what he has done. It's driving me crazy! I do believe it will be too late by the time he comes out of his FOG!!!!

Tree,

What a bunch of blather. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

He is condescending and sanctimonious in that email.

Surely he can come up with something better than this to correspond about...how about CHILD SUPPORT.

If you respond back just keep it limited to his obligations as a father.

Fine...can you send the book...and I will return it for a refund...so that I can have some money to support YOUR son.

grrrr....what a _______ (fill in the blank). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />


JMHO
committed

Graycloud.....you are so right! He's just trying to make himself feel better. I am dealing with a FOG man bigtime huh?

committed.....He is trying to make me feel like I'm holding him back from his happiness. You are right about telling him to give me the book so I can get a refund. Good idea!

I just don't understand him at all! He's really out there! I just want all of this to be over with! Why does he think our son will be fine? That amazes me! How can he be fine with his dad leaving and running around like a teenager? God!!!!!!

Graycloud nailed it. Think of some reverse babble responses. Maybe we can all put our heads together.

Tree, I especially like how he's so interested in whether or not you are "healed". It's so transparent it's funny.

I wonder how long it took him to find a book that says there is no such thing as divorce. Haw!

GC

Stop blaming everything and everyone else around you.  It prevents you from healing.

This is HOGWASH!

Self-righteous claptrap....

Put your fingers in your ears~~~

stick out your tongue~~~

and blow rasberries ~*~*~*

Sheeeesh.... what a nerve <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Pep

<small>[ September 08, 2004, 05:09 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

You are not alone.

reverse: No?? Have you been hiding under the bed the past few months?


you will be fine, Trisha, just believe.

reverse: believe in what?? Toothfairy? Santa Claus? Easter Bunny?


" there is no such thing as divorce............."

So, since there is no such thing as divorce it means that I can expect you home for supper?

few of my babbles...I'm sure others have better ones.

committed

Tree,

What was the name of the book? I am puzzled by the comment "there's no such thing as divorce."

Has he gone freaky with some no marriage-no divorce or is he saying that he doesn't believe in divorce?

I want to read the online reviews of the book. What's the name?

2scared

What he said...
This is no one else's life but yours..not your moms, not your friends...

What he meant...
I can jerk you around to make you believe that what I've done is not my fault and I'm afraid your family and friends will undermine my abilities to make you see it my way.

What he said...
Stop blaming everything and everyone around you.

What he meant...
Don't blame me/her, I can't take it. The guilt is eating me alive but I can't look at it so don't make me.

What he said...
The harm has been done now so move forward.

What he meant...
Cr*p. I really screwed up. I hope she gets over this real fast.

What he said...
There's no such thing as divorce

What he meant...
Well if this doesn't work out, I'll be able to come back home...just in case.

What he said...
I am trying to help with as much compassion as I can given the situation

What he meant...
all that really matter is me...I've done the right thing and made myself happy...I've done you a favor too...see I really am a good person
....really...REALLY. This is not my fault..nope...not mine...not a bit...IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

Babble...babble...vomit...babble..vomit babble.

Tree....

I would like to know the name of the book as well..

Sure all he says is just hogwash, fog babble talk (FBT).. It's just the WH trying to justify to himself that the W will be OK, that she will make it, that life with OW will be OK, blah, blah, blah.. I remember having those same thoughts myself, always trying to convince myself that everyone would be OK if I left, the W, the kids, the OW kids, etc.... In reality, no one is OK, we just all adapt to the new envirnment...

Your WH is really FOGGED, to the point he has convinced himself it's better for him to leave so you and you son can move on. True, his email is FBT, but that is how WH think during an A.

My advice, if you truly still love your WH and want to do whatever is needed to make things work, then continue plan A'n, let him know this, let him know you do not want to move on, that you want to continue you M with him. Remember it's not over until YOU sign the DV papers...

fogless...

I love Committed's reverse babbles!

Both of the emails which I have read on here from him have been condescending and sanctimonious (great words).

He will take a big fall, as soon as he can get his big head out of his butt that is <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Does he read here Tree? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well I won't bad mouth him anymore because when he comes back fog free, with his tail between his legs, we will accept him as with all the other returned aliens...

I just hope his fall isn't so far it does permanent damage.

Right Tree?

I think you should babble right back in an email using Committed's examples. We gotta find a way to shrink this guy's fogged out head.

I totally agree with fogless. Great insight.

In the fog we try to make sure everybody is going to be okay. It's the way we feel good in the midst of feeling so bad. Even in the fog the WH doesn't want to feel bad about destroying you. He wants to feel good that you're going to go on and be okay. By the way, fogless is right...when you end the A and attempt to break free of the OW you deal with the same desire to make sure she will be okay...that's why they keep going back and forth. Fog puke.

If you want to hang in there then tell him you'll read his book if he will read yours... "Surviving an Affair". Tell him you appreciate his contact and the fact that is so concerned about you.

2scared

"there is no such thing as divorce............."

Matter is mostly empty space, 2. Maybe none of this is real? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

"I know you believe you unders2d what you think I said. However, I'm not sure you realize that what I think you heard is not what I meant."

Clear as mud? Thought so!

-ol' 2long

What else is there to say? People here have already decoded the fogbabble brilliantly.

In the beginning of my walk into hell, after H told me he loved OW but had never told her(well, he only had been screwing her for about 8 months. Close enough!) I found the following thing he wrote. Apparently he was trying to decide if he should leave us. "I want to have a good R with my boys, and I want to be friends with CV." Later, as the truth was evolving he told me if we "D"ed we'd still be friends. Me: "Helllllooooo!! If you leave me for OW, we ain't gonna be friends."

For the WS it's all about me, me, me. "If I decimate my family, it's OK, because God wants me and the OP to be HAPPY. And eventually everyone will be happy for me, and we all can then be one, big, happy, friendly family." OK, my turn to puke and gag!

Tree, just right back, "Fine, whatever! Forget about sending me the dang book, and send me the moolah." Hang in there Tree. I'm glad you have support now! CV

Treereich, I'm sorry that his email was painful for you and you are so confused.

I have a quick question for you. Aren't you in Plan B? I know you posted your letter in the middle of another thread.

Why not block his email? Plan B is supposed to remove you from the chaos.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>TreReich: He sends me emails like this...... I just don't understand him. He seems so calm and like everything will be just fine...any advice on his email????? Help!!!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: He is babbling. Keep the e-mail, it may come in handy one day (to prove how foggy he was).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>e-mail from Tr's WS:
T-
you cant see the angel, you cant see the air, you cant see the love for you, but its everywhere.  You are not alone.   Anonymous  from baptist faith.  </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid's reverse reply:

Dear Ws,
You're right, I can't see the angel, the air and for now your love. If it is everywhere, it must be quite thin. I know I'm not alone. How many you got away?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>e-mail from Tr's WS: you will be fine, Trisha, just believe.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid's reverse babble reply: I will be fine but no thanks to your help.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>e-mail from Tr's WS: I think you should still really consider reading the book I mentionned. The title is misleading.  Even if you just read the forward/preface... It with entice you to continue. It will take less than 2 minutes to read the foward.  If you dont like it dont get it, very simple.   It has nothing to do with religion at all. I leave it up to you...do as you please.  The very first sentence in the forward reads: " there is no such thing as divorce............."  </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: The title is misleading, so are your words. So were enticed....again? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> (oops LB'd). BTW, if there's no such thing as divorce, is this non-religious book advocating infidelity?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>e-mail from Tr's WS: Trisha, this is no one elses life but yours.  Not your moms, not your friends...it is yours.  Give yourself a chance.  Please understand that I am trying to help not hurt.  The harm has been done so now move forward. I understand your pain and I am trying to help with as much compassion as I can given the situation.  In your last email, if those were your true words, you seemed to be gaining courage and strength.  I can only encourage you to stay strong and stay on that path to healing.  Stop blaming everything and everyone else around you.  It prevents you from healing. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: I am giving myself a chance, what you are doing for your family? If this is the most compassion you can must, then maybe we ought to send you to the area where compassion has been replaced by terrorism. They might appreciate the little bit of compassion you have.

BTW, I am not blaming everyone...... just you and the OW. Is that too many? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I am healing quite nicely, thank you..... again w/o your help.

Hope you are in your WS mode when you read this, you will understand it better. But if you are reading this as my H, I am sure you will see that you are sending very mixed up messages to your family.

Please go get yourself some help so you can communicate with the rest of us in a coherent manner.

take care,
Your loving W.

NOTE: Remember this e-mail is NOT from the OW.

************

JMHO,
L.