I should know better.

But I don't.

Remember this?

It happened again. I knew it would....

Almost the same way. I went to see Tantric at the Varsity (local venue.) I get a text message from my best friend, who's at the show. He's seen OM1. I knew then it was going to happen again....

I haven't seen WW for months.

Months......

Months......

There's a line outside the show. And I knew she would be there.

And she was.

She was in line, with SIL, OM3 and a random female friend.

I gave her a hug, as I did the last time,(same to SIL) and said hello. While OM3 stood right behind her....

I ignored him.

I talked briefly, only small talk.

WW asked "where the rest of me was." (I am as close to 'chiseled' as I've ever been....) I told her I left it in the car, it was too much to carry..........

I told her it was good to see her again, and then met my friends further in line. We're not far behind them entering the show.

The friends I went to the concert with were down on the floor. The friends I was meeting were upstairs. Of course, the WW gang decided to hang by the stairs, so I had to walk past them a few times

I went up to chat with my upstairs friends for a while. I left to go join my other friends on the floor. I run face to face into....

.......OM1.

I held back. Proudly. And walked past him. I had once considered this "man" (and I use the term loosely....) a friend.

Made it through the show. Had a little too much to drink, but, I don't normally drink that much, and, considering the circumstances, thought I did very well with everything. (I didn't go after anyone, right?)

The show ends. (Read the previous post...) After the show, I go to get a set list. I see....

WW. Again. Again, OM3 doesn't have the courage to get close to me.

I jokingly tell her that she won't get the set list this time.....

And then I said it. I set myself up. I knew if I saw her again, I would say something. And I knew her response would hurt. And it did.

I gave her a hug as she went to leave.

TFM: It was really good to see you again.
WW: It was good to see you, too.
TFM: I hope that everything is going OK for you....

WW: It is.

It stung. That's all I can say. It stung. But I guess I should have known better.

So where do I go from here?

I know that I'll see her again in a couple of weeks, as I've already purchased tickets to see Saliva at the same venue. She'll be there. I know it.

So now what?

I know. I know. Back into Plan B.

But it's tough. I had given some thought to contacting her regarding what's going on with the D. So now, WW's seen me. Again. Stronger than the last time. More confident. Dare I say more attractive (Pats self on back..... Hey, if you ran 8-10 miles a week with me, and busted it at the gym like I do, then you would like me too:) )

I reached out just a little. And got hurt. Why do I now want to reach again?

I expected and prepared for this to happen. Do I change any future steps?..........

Thanks for the "ear."

Ethan

Forgot to add.....

After the brief chat with WW at the end of the show..... I gave her a brief peck on the temple/top of her head.

It was not planned by me, but I hope it wasn't construed as "pathetic..."

Ethan

Hey FurnitureMan....coming from the Poster Child for the Worst Plan B's (and I stress MULTIPLE), you did awesome. I wish I were able to compose myself enough (when I was caught unaware while in Plan B)to keep up the "strength". It took me much longer, but you seemed to handle yourself with maturity and finesse. Her loss, as her comment said so much (ie, where is the rest of you). You should be so proud of yourself! Go dark again, and each time, your strength increases...bravo!

karena,

Thanks for the kind words.

As far as strength in Plan B, that's not an issue for me.

It's only been broken twice, and that was both by random occurrence.

It's been a difficult time for me, because I'm in this limbo/grey area where I thought she would have filed 3 months ago.

I'm not sure what impact, if any, last night has on anything.

S'pose only time will tell.

Ethan

<small>[ September 09, 2004, 11:12 AM: Message edited by: thefurnitureman ]</small>

You did great. The kiss may not have been the best idea....But even though it stung to hear her say she was doing well, maybe it is good in a way, at least it gives you a bit of a feel for where she may be. Then again, Ethan, what else would she say? "Not too good, I really miss you..."? I doubt she would admit she wasn't doing well even if she wasn't.
You can take satisfaction in knowing that she apparantly noticed your "buffness" (is that a word?). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> She might just be noticing what she is missing.

Yeah....I know.

The kiss was really dumb. I was kicking myself almost immediately after. But it wasn't forced on her, it just happened to be where her head was when we hugged. (Look at our picture in the MB album to get an idea.) I guess a little too much drink will do that to you. At least I snuck a kiss to my WW (and not somebody else), right?...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

As far as her "noticing", who knows. If everything is great in Fogland, then why hasn't anyone filed yet?

I think the important thing is that I left her with the impression (I won't say understanding....) that I a.) don't hate her, b.) care how she is doing, and c.) am not the least bit concerned, interested in, or threatened by OM3. I showed her a smidge of compassion when she has earned none. We'll see if she walks away from it.

Ethan

Aww, well, if she walks away from it, she is foolish. It's sad what the fog does... if she knew what she was walking away from, she'd never walk away.
I think one of the best things about all of it is how you completely hold it together around OM3. You don't slink away and not talk to her because of him, and you don't get riled up over him either. You pay him no attention, which is perfect!
I remember the picture, and yeah maybe it wasn't so bad considering her forehead would have been right there. I wonder if OM3 saw it... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Speaking of pictures, that reminds me, I need to ask FHL to remove the ones w/STBXWH, I think it's time for that. Maybe I'll switch them with something else, like a recent one of my girls.
And yes, I agree - if life was so great in fogland, why hasn't she filed? Maybe she's holding onto you as HER Plan B, or maybe she is having second thoughts...(especially after noticing your "buffness" lol) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

A lot of people don't get that....why I don't get "crazy" around the OMs.....

And it's a tough thing to get them to understand. It appears to some that I don't "fight for" her as if she were a possession of mine.

I have chosen to fight for her differently. I have to chosen to fight for her character, when everyone else feels I should just ditch her.

I should be hearing from MIL soon, as I had to mail some stuff of WW's that came here to MIL. (I still don't have a forwarding address for WW)I'm sure last night will come up....Any suggestions on how to handle that?

I'm giving her (WW) this time to define who she is. (Whether she knows it or not.) How it all ends up will go a long way towards my overall recovery.

As far as the not filing thing goes..... I really have no clue. My primary concern is that WW would rather be wrong than have to admit she made a mistake. And I think she may be waiting for me to blink, or back down, or meet someone or something like that. Time will tell on that.

Hey, really, you didn't break Plan B, you ran into each other at a public event. That's a lot different that pursuing after her.
She's had plenty of time to file. She hasn't.
You're doing good, so don't poo-poo yourself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Could you be more specific about the MIL thing? I assume you mean she will bring it up because WW will have said something to her? What type of thing do you expect her (MIL) to say?

I SWEAR Ethan, sometimes I wonder if you are human. You've got is so under control and you are just so NICE and patient and generous w/WW.
Are you sure you're not on like mega doses of Prozac or something?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Just kidding. You know the whole not human thing was meant as a complement. haha

TTsi,
Thanks for the pep talk.....

fhl,
WW's SIL, who I am pretty close to, was with her last night. She lives with MIL. So I'm sure MIL knows by now. She'll probably mention it in passing, and I'm just wondering if I should go into it with any depth when/if it comes up. MIL has been supportive of me personally, but hasn't been nearly as aggressive of supporting the marriage as I had hoped.

And yes, I am human. I just don't get rattled that easily. With anything. I can sometimes be a little overanalytical, but I'd rather do that then just guess about something and see what happens. My personality also has a lot of patience. I have taken away any ammunition that WW may have had. It means that she will have to do this D entirely of her own selfishness, and if she's capable of walking away from someone who has shown nothing but love and an open hand, then I'll be "happy" that she's gone.

If that happens, I know that my willingness to entertain any future R with WW will be minimal, and keep it from screwing with future Rs. I will do everything I can to ride this out until I have no love left at all, leave it all on the field.... I would rather hurt for a few more months now, than try to close the book too early and leave myself exposed to potential pain in the future. Make sense?

And nope. No Prozac. Just happy when I wake up on the right side of the grass each morning! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ethan,

I think you showed class in a difficult circumstance.

Your WW is a sad, sad woman IMHO. I truly hope she actually learns the lessons she requires during her sabbatical from her marriage, but unfortunately maybe not. If not, she’s doomed to rush from one shallow relationship to another her whole life; never able to fill whatever void that lurks within her character.

Did you break a plan B? The unqualified answer is yes……but.

Plan B rules are definitive. Love isn’t.

People, relationships, and feelings do not fit into an equation. A + B doesn’t always equal C. If it did, a manual for marriages would have been printed up and we all would have happy marriages as long as we followed the rules. It obviously doesn’t work that way as we all well know.

I recall a thread a month or two ago where the Harley’s suggested a BS without children not go to a plan B. For all you and I know your gesture may have been an oasis in the wasteland that is her life. It may be something she will look upon to comfort her as she stumbles through another hollow, empty relationship. Who knows? Nothing is ever completely right or wrong in the trenches.

My concern is more for you. Is this going to mess with your head too much? Remember, plan B is for Ethan.

If that happens, I know that my willingness to entertain any future R with WW will be minimal, and keep it from screwing with future Rs. I will do everything I can to ride this out until I have no love left at all, leave it all on the field.... I would rather hurt for a few more months now, than try to close the book too early and leave myself exposed to potential pain in the future. Make sense?

Makes perfect sense.

As far as the MIL goes, I don't think it's something to worry about too much, just go with the flow of conversation. No need to go into depth about it. Just say, "yeah, I saw her, and I talked to her brieflt. She said she was doing well." And leave it at that. Don't go into anything about how it made you feel, etc because that may get back to WW and that wouldn't be good for Plan B.

Binder,

This is why your input is so greatly appreciated.

In all honesty, there are questions that I'm still working on answers to.

Will she learn?

Sadly enough, I really don't know. I'm also sad to say that I truly believe that she won't. But I hope to provide her that opportunity to.

Not going to Plan B....

Don't know about that. I really don't know about the whole out of sight, out of mind thing. But I've been doing my best to stay in one spot, so she has somewhere to find her way back...

Is it going to mess with my head? Which part? (So I can give a better answer.....)

Ethan