about 2 months ago I caught my husband with my brother's girlfriend/my best friend. They both admitted that this had been going on since last September. He tells me that it started because every time she called for me and I wasn't home, she told him about all of the problems that she was having with my brother. When I caught them together we had all had several drinks. The next morning he left and spent the night with her. She also just had a baby that might be his. I have asked several times why, and the only answer he can give me is stupidity. I also asked when he planned to tell me and he says soon. I think that it would still be happening if I hadn't found out. I never expected this from him. We've always done everything together, never argued, things were great, or at least I thought but everytime he was rained out of work for 10 months, he was with her. I never really suspected it, he was withdrawn but said he was tired so much, he does have a physically challenging <A TITLE="Click for more information about job" STYLE="text-decoration: none; border-bottom: medium solid green;" HREF="http://search.targetwords.com/u.search?x=5977|1&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;job|AA1VDw">job</A>. He has never done this before and I couldn't force myself to put him through such an ordeal. I thought he was so perfect, my soul mate! Anybody got any help? We are trying to work it out and he is trying very hard, but I still feel like he isn't being honest with me, I almost feel like he's still seeing her but maybe it's just me. He is very affectionate to me now and is doing everything he can to make the pain bearable. Please somebody reply to me, I've posted a few times but gotten little response.

Hi jennie. First, "stupidity" is a ONS--not 8 months.

Does your brother know? If not, please read worthatry's Exposure 101--late start class has begun I think he still has a few openings and can register you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Best of luck to you. I'm sure you'll be getting more in depth responses from more qualified MB'ers.

Thanks Liny, my brother does know, so does almost everyone else. I also told him that stupidity isn't acceptable, but other than that he doesn't know why and I have expressed to him that I cannot get past this without knowing why so I hope an answer comes soon.

And counseling?

Counseling he has actually suggested but we financially haven't been able to do that yet but hope to soon. I really feel like he is trying but just can't bring myself to believe that he is being completely honest with me. We will be looking into getting counseling the first part of October.

Is there "no contact" with this OW?

As far as I know there has been no contact with her. He calls to let me know where he is at least 3 times each day, when he gets to work, on his lunch break and again when he starts to lave work. Last week he was on his way home and passed her so at least he did tell me about that.

When did the NC begin?

Is there concern that the child is his?

And, I apologize: I never did give you a "welcome."
so....Welcome to MB, jennie! There's lots on this site that can guide you--and the people are invaluable to helping you get through this.

I do have another question...You wrote that you didn't think he was being honest with you. How so? As you implied--and are *completely* correct--this is key for your M to work.

Gotta go now...but will check on you later!

<small>[ September 09, 2004, 09:07 AM: Message edited by: LINY ]</small>

NC since the day after he came home from being with her, she actually called our house and he told her that he didn't want to have anything to do with her, that he loved me and the kids and wanted his M to work. The child that she had might be his and that is making me crazy to say the least because I don't know if I'll ever be able to accept it if it is. There will be a DNA test given when the child is at least 60 day old. As for the honesty, I haven't caught him in a lie I just suspect it, feel it maybe, but that may just be because I don't trust him at all right now. I just don't understand how you can do this to someone you love and how he could sleep with another woman for that long and not feel anything for her, (if he does, he denies it.) He even put her down all the time because she doesn't work, clean house or cook. She does nothing! She had time for him while I was working though. He says that he hates her for allowing him to do what he has done, and he is shameful for it. He cried to a mutual friend of ours and he told him that he didn't feel a bit sorry for him, that he felt bad for me.

One more thing, he was given the choice between the 2 of us. I did not ask him to stay with me, I said, "make youe decision." I read so much in the other posts about the cheating spouse getting angry and throwing a fit because of this and he never said a word except that he wanted to be with me, not her and that he was sorry for what he had done. Is there something wrong, or is it possible that he decided that she wasn't all that after he spent the night with her for the first time? She said that when he left her he told her that he was going home to try to make it work and if he couldn't work it out that he was going to stay with his father for a while.