Hi
I am not sure if this is the right spot for this, but after reading some posts, I feel this is the right spot for some advice.
I will sum up a long story: I have two children 12 and 7 from previous marriage (widowed 1st divorced 2nd) I am now remarried for 18 months, moved out of state for Husbands job. The year was turbulent, husband is verbally and emotionally abusive to me and children. I sent kids home for summer to spend time with grandparents and father and so I could work extra hours for $ (husband gets upset when he sees debt). My 12 year old said he refuses to come back because of abuse he sees and hears done to me and him. My parents and 7 year olds father are upset. I don't want to bring kids back to abusive home and told husband. Husband got upset, stated nothing was wrong, that 12 year old is being manipulative, that my parents are controlling me, that I am breaking up a "great" family, and that I have serious psychiatric problems. He states he is willing to "stand by me" so I can get the help I desperatly need. He tells me if I don't bring the kids back they will be "permanently damaged and will need couseling" and that I am not being a good mother. I feel if I bring them back they will need couseling from the verbal abuse. Now he has taken my bank account number so he can see all of my money will go to our "joint" account and he will be with me when I "visit" the kids so they can see we are united. My husband is a professional man and is very convincing. He has told his colleagues that we have been married for 13 years because he doesn't want to get into my "horrible" past. When he tells his story, his family and friends agree I am making a huge mistake, yet all my friends and family are telling me to "get away fast". I don't know what is right and wrong anymore. Does anyone have any comments.

Lets get to the basics...

YOUR children come before this man or any other person on the planet...

YOU at one time reconized that things were not quite right in your home with your husband..enough to send you children from that environment...

now you are with a man that
isolates you
blames you and other family members for "wrongs" in his own marriage...
questions and challenges your own sanity...

the only question is can you realistically see your children THRIVING under the roof with this man the way he is today..
not how he promises to be
not how he agrees to changing...
not how he says it will be..
but how it is today this very minute...

IF the answer is NO then that is your answer.....

I would never let a man come before my children...
and you won't either.....
great familys don't have to send their children away in the name of debt or working or anything else...

kirby you are stronger than you think..
it sounds like you have great support in family and friends...
is it realistic that ALL of them are wrong and your husband is right...

probably not...

ARK

Thanks for your response ARK. My husband was against sending children away for summer. He felt that everything we established over the year would be ruined. I wanted them to have a fun summer with family and friends. I felt as though my 12 year old was mature and strong enought to point out the problems and to realize the situation was wrong. As a mother, I have to listen to my children. I do not feel as though they are trying to manipulate me or extend summer vacation. I feel like it is a cry for help. The year has not been all bad, my children made friends and played sports and we did family things together, but that doesn't negate the abuse. Putting down my family, the house I used to live in, my career, my 7 year olds father, as well as other things in front of me and the kids has done damage. I went to a marriage couselor with my husband the other day and I was told that the childrens' place is with me and my husband. I don't feel in my heart it is the right thing to do. I love my husband very much but feel as though there are many issues that need to be discussed and worked on before bringing the children back.
Thanks again for your response. It has helped a lot.

Now is the time to get this resolved. Get rid of the marriage counselor, and find someone else. It is harmful for children to be verbally abused. Your husband denies that he does this. How typical of an abuser.

Also he continues to blame you for his problem. It doesn't sound too promising that he even wants to change.

There are always problems with a blended family - lots of problems. So you need to be heard NOW, that you will not tolerate abuse to you or your children.