Dh and I have always had a rocky marriage, mainly due to his lying and he cheated on me also. He is over seas right now and we dont get a chance to talk much. I am a college student and I have found myself beginning an interest in a guy in one of my classes. I get the feeling that it is mutual since he tends to look at me with interest. I have also developed an interest in wanting to bungee jump, sky dive, ect. I am turning 25 soon, a quarter of a century old . I am also thinking about buying new "cool" clothes to take advantage of my still there figure. What is wrong with me???? I do love my husband but when I think about my future, I think about being somewhere else and with someone else. We started a new church while he was home and I really do want to be a good Christian. I read this site to repair our marriage, but he is not here now, so there is not much I can do.

How do I make myself happy where I am?

Happiness does not come from doing things that degrade you and cause you to lose your self respect. Happiness does not come from being bad and giving into what you know is wrong.

Happiness comes from doing the right thing even when its not easy.

You know that it would be wrong to give into your inappropriate feelings, Becka. You are not an animal, you are a human ADULT who has full control over your feelings.

So, instead of seeking happiness in destructive pursuits, why not do something instead that will ENHANCE - rather than erode - your self respect? Join a gym, get involved politically, find something constructive to do.

You won't find happiness by engaging in trashy, cheap behavior that will destroy your husband and make you lose self respect. Others will lose respect for you too.

Thank you for responding Melody. I know you're right. But, to clarify, it is not an issue of not having enough to do. I am plenty busy with our child and 13 college hrs. I am just lonely and I feel such a strong pull to get to know other people, especially this guy from my lecture class. I wished I didnt but I do. I am not sure what I will say when he approaches me. (It doesnt help that my wedding ring was stolen so that to the observer, Im just one of the college kids)I know that I must hold my head high and do the right thing.

becka, is your husband in the military? There are a lot of military folk around here..some are/were active duty and some are/were dependents.

We very well understand how separations affect military families.

How long have you been married? How long ago did your husband cheat on you, and how did you both deal with it? Do you have any kids?

Since you just joined a new church..what kind of religious associations are at your school? Perhaps you could join one? Maybe make one of your classes a FUN class instead of just a class towards your degree?

The things you think about doing..bungee jumping, skydiving...are those things you think your husband would enjoy? Have you ever asked him? Just curious <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

becka, hi! I'm all for you buying new clothes and trying new things. Engjoy those things! But ML is right about happiness. Now is a good time to decide what you want from life - for yourself. Ethics and morals that will not hurt other people? Or lose principles based on your own selfish desires. <geez I sound harsh, but I don't mean to - I'm not even religious, but I do care very much about people getting hurt>

This boy in your class. Presently he thinks you are availabe as he doesn't know you are married with a child. As a mom of a boy that age, I'd hope that my son would not get involved with a married girl, with a child, because I know that his life would not be easy and might get very ugly when her husband discovers what she has been up to. I didn't raise my son to go thru such difficulties when there are plenty of single girls around that he can rightfully pursue.

What about your little child? You said he/she is precious. You betcha. And you would not want he/she making bad choices that could spoil their lives after all the years of caring you've invested in them. You want them to have the best chance of happiness I am sure.

So, what about letting this single boy go for all the right reasons. Do not encourage him. To do so is to be mean spirited towards him and to willfully engage him in a course that is wrong for him and could end up making you both very unhappy. You know what you are doing, but he is innocent of your situation and it seems really unfair of you to continue on a course that might cause this person a great deal of pain - and start his life off very much on the wrong foot.

If you are truly unhappy in your marriage, then be honourable. End the marriage and then you are free to pursue a new partner who is free to be with you.

all the best
AN

Ive been married 5 yrs and his affair was 2 1/2 yrs ago. I have truly forgiven his affair. Dh said he would definitely do those things with me. I just feel so numb from everything he put me through in the past, though he has changed a lot in the past few months.

I feel like I am going through a midlife crisis or something. I feel like Im getting so old.

I really don't have time for a club at school. I feel guilty enough about leaving our child while I take my classes.

Sorry my last post was stopped in the middle to put child to bed so I did not see the new posts.

Anyname, wow, what a different perspective! I had never thought about it from that viewpoint. It would be quite a travesty for me to bring a bright guy into such a messed up situation, or anyone else for that matter. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Thank you for posting.

This is the road I have taken and I will have to make the best of it I guess. I dont want a divorce, my imagination has just gotten the best of me lately <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ September 09, 2004, 10:03 PM: Message edited by: becka4321 ]</small>

becka, I hope you find fulfilment. How can doing the right thing ever be wrong? Actually, you are doing the right thing by being in school and studying. It will lead to a better life for you and your husband. It's normal to get down sometimes. I have a daughter two years older than you, who is a medical doctor. You know what she wants more than anything? A husband and a family. Isn't life strange. We are never happy. I think she is a the perfect caring young doctor and she justs wants a home and family. She wants what you have!

If everyone thought ahead as you have done and discussed their feelings and weaknesses - the world would be a happier place.

very best to you and the little one.

AN

I feel so much better about my marriage now. I sat and read through this forum for a while last night. Just reading the stories here, especially ones I could relate to let me know that my priority is making my marriage stronger, not messing it all up. I guess I have just been feeling sorry for my self the past week. My heart lies with my family and God. AND, my life is really good right now. I need to remember that. Thanks for the responses, and for making me think outside of myself.