Thanks all. Really helps reading/understanding others experiences/thoughts.

I'm about 15 minutes away from talking with Steve H. Got so many questions and eagerly await his knowledge.....

WW only stayed gone one night. Came over in the morning for breakfast and complained the entire time about bad sleep, freeway noise, etc. I didn't really respond too much nor did I reaffirm the dual pane windows here at home.....

WW had gotten a sore throat during the marathon and used that as a reason "to stay here and have you (me) take care of me." Like a good Plan A'r...I did. WW went to sleep at 7:00 and didn't wake up until this morning. Plan A, Plan A, Plan A.

WW's already called me three times this morning. I know she's fence sitting and this is her way of keeping things "nice and easy" for her. I again suggested she open her own bank account and that was met with distant stares. During her second call to me, I tossed in a subtle "after the Brownie meeting tonight, you can call me from your place and tell me how it went". Her response "I'm like a plaque, you can't get rid of me." "I'm not leaving you and once I get through with my midlife crisis, blah, blah." It was said in a humorous way and I didn't let the cat out of the bag that "I'm not Plan Aing forever"......

I really need her to go to see what the "other side" is like.......

Time for Steve H......LS

I copied an earlier post of mine before this one......Today I counseled with Steve H. More clarity came my way....

It appears that based on WW's inability to completely move out, comments such as "I'm sorry I'm hurting you, etc.", he has recommended more Plan A with a some additions.

SH recommends (based on my Plan A) to start trickling out some frustrations such as how much this is hurting me and how I'm struggling with this, etc. Not always being upbeat, cheerful, etc. SH said that Plan B shouldn't be a complete surprise to WW. Essentially, execute an exceptional Plan A with indicators of a pending Plan B. That way I'm not going from "happy/cheerful/confident/etc" to "completely dark".

Some other recommendations was to keep the additional exposure in my back pocket. Based on the reaction from my initial exposure coupled with a plan to have WW contact SH, don't want to cause any type of withdrawal, anger, etc. Earlier I posted that WW said (for the 1st time ever) that "later she may talk with a counselor". I've got a plan to have her contact SH. I'll post if it works.

So board, I'm still continuing my Plan A/180. I'll reserve my moments (been alot lately) of anger/frustration for when I'm alone and when I can post them here. I'm pretty confident I can Plan A longer especially with a goal to have WW speak with SH. In the interim, I've got all the wonderful folks here and the ability to express my feelings (good and bad).

I will add that I've got some new direction as well. We're starting to attend church again. First time, this Sunday. I feel pretty good about that and have determined that although we talk about it with DD, it's time to bring our faith to the next level. I invited WW to go and I believe she'll be there with us. A couple days, we'll see.......

.....LS

Well the answer is WW went to the apartment tonight. Once again, it took awhile for her to leave.

A couple of interesting things did occur. I trickled out the fact that I'm struggling with this situation and impact was made. WW said "I'm sorry I'm hurting you". SH had a pretty good comeback to that "then STOP hurting me". Not bad considering the next words from WW were "I can't say I won't ever talk to OM again, but I'll try". First time for that one.

Either way, something I've learned here is that "action speaks louder than words". WW still left tonight and went to her apartment.

WW just called to let me know she got in okay. Been gone about 10 minutes. No ILY this time!

Anyone have any experience with this one?

I think it'll get easier for WW the more she does it! I'm trying to be the welcome mat but sure as he** feel like a doormat!!!

I know I must endure for longer (based on SH's plan) but I fear my patience is running thin. I don't show it when WW is around, but the more hurt I receive the more angry I get.

I think I'm quickly becoming more of "fly away my little birdie and come home when you're ready to commit".

Thanks again board.......LS

LS,
Whats up guy? Great move starting counseling with Dr. Harley. I guess even the best advice doesn't cure the emotional rollercoaster, but at least you have a good plan. FANTASTIC! It definetly sounds like you W is fence sitting, but your doing a great Plan A. A sore throat? YUP! A sore throat and a foggy head, no doubt. Harley is the man! He wants you to start hinting more and more about your pain thru this so I guess the Plan B wont hit her in the head like a ton of bricks? I've got a feeling that she will still be shocked. I also have a feeling that she knows leaving you could be the biggest mistake of her life, but that dang fog keeps floating back in. I still feel positive about your situation, maybe all this crap just needs to run its course. I know it's hard to be patient, go away and comeback when you're ready to be my W again huh? Oh I wish it were that easy.

Hang in the LS, I still have you back and I'll be checking on you. Your doing as best you can given this horrible situation. Keep posting and venting, no one in the other world even understands what we're going thru. I hope she calls Harley and he can help defog her about the fence sitting, she must be in turmoil. You're a great guy LS!!

FM

LS -

It sounds like your wife is waking up a little. For someone who wants to be on her own, she sure spends a lot of time talking and being with you.

Are you keeping busy and getting a life without her? Might be good for her to see you moving on - like going places and doing things. I think you are making yourself a little to convenient for her.

I would sometimes be "unavailable" - at the football game or at a party.

Well the second night didn't last too long. WW was gone about 1 hr 45 min and then I hear the garage door. WW came in and said "I was working on the Brownie photo albums and couldn't sleep so I figured I'd come here". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I didn't say anything about glad you're back or welcome home, etc. I just gave her a hug and told her I was getting ready to go to sleep as well. Nothing other than letting her know through actions that she can come home without the current situation popping up every time. Provided some affection and off to sleep we went. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Maybe as FM and Believer said - a possible little shifting of the fog???

FM....Thanks man. You always toss out what folks like to hear - and with backed up experience. I hope things are going well and your plan is coming together. Toss an ole' hug to your kids (from a North Carolina boy in California) for me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> DD and I have been praying for "some really nice people all over the world" (FM, Tree, Mom2, etc.). Being seven, she doesn't need the whole story, just that we want some joy and laughter to come their way.

Believer....I was thinking the same thing driving back from San Diego today. Maybe I should back off a bit. I rarely call her anymore on her cell (she calls me pretty regularly). I think this weekend I'll become a bit less available. Today's availability is shot because I'm taking her out tonight. Part of Plan A and part of it for me. No discussion whatsoever about A, R, OM, etc. Just a good time. It should help me to laugh and enjoy myself. And if some of the "new" me rubs off and busts through the fog - then that's a plus. Thanks for your continued insight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Think I'll play golf on Sunday after church.......

God Bless......LS

I'm better now. Last night and this morning I put myself back in the middle of the drama. I went snooping. I've determined it's better for me not too snoop now that I know WW is in contact with OM. And the "apartment". Found a bill for $2600 and the anger skyrocketed. It's in WW's name but nonetheless if/when we start moving forward, that bill will come to us.

This after one of my Plan A plans. Went out....Got WW a full "sports" swedish massage, nice dinner. An overall pretty good night. Then WW went to sleep and my snooping started.

This morning I logged on to vent and wound up responding to JAH. Felt better just posting with someone.

The rest of the morning went okay. I've backed off a bit (thanks, Believer) and met her at the bank. Wanted to ensure boundaries are still being met and WW opened her own checking account. I didn't LB, but wanted her to start heading in the direction of 1) letting her know how much I'm struggling with this and 2) that there is a cause/effect for her actions.

I could see it bothered her but that didn't stop her from buying a DVD/VCR combo when she was supposed to be buying clothes for DD.

WW's actions speak volumes compared to words. WW tells me prior to entering the bank that "she has set a time limit for herself". "I'm not going to tell you what it is but I've set a time limit". This in reference to how long she plans on being gone. I missed the opportunity to reverse fog babble and let her know that I too have a time limit. Instead I opted for "you know I'll leave a light on for you".

I've learned a couple things in the past 15 hours....

1) Stop snooping to find out what I already know. I can't say I'll completely stop as I still need more information but at least I can prepare myself better if I find something.
2) Actions speak a he** of alot louder than words.
3) Continue to shift focus from the drama as it helps me.

Thanks board and I always welcome any hints/comments/2X4's/etc.

BTW, ironically some ladies from a Baptist Church just stopped by about attending their church. Wonder if that's a sign because of my pending return to church tomorrow morning......Just makes me wonder.......LS