Ok, Im not sure how to react. For a little inside info, he cheated 2 1/2 yrs ago and after giving up on our marriage 6 mths ago, I cheated. I know that is horrible, but could not get him to connect with me emotionally. I felt like the devil was in my head blocking my rational thoughts during that time.I just made one stupid decision after another.I can relate when some of you talk about your WS's not getting it when you talk to them.Since then, we have really put a lot of work into our marriage and it is better than it has ever been.

I talked to dh yesterday to let him know how I commited I was to our marriage. Tell him about this forum and how it helped me. I had been feeling like I was going into that distant mode again but after getting some great info here, I got back on track. Thank you all. Well he is oversees as some of you know. He tells me how worried he has been that I was slipping back into my awful mindset. I tell him how sorry I am for worrying him. It is a wonderful, emotionally connected conversation.

He calls again last night and we are still very close. He admits that when he felt like he was losing me, he chatted online with one girl once and then gave in and gave her his number. She was way to far to actually meet and they only talked during a 2 day period. He said it was nothing sexual, he just tried to help her with her relationship. Then, she kept calling him. He told her he was married and could not talk to her anymore. She said that was not good enough. Psycho. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> He has had his number changed.

My dilemma: What do I do now? I told him I was very hurt but appreciated him being honest. (When you have been lied to, you really do appreciate honesty. Well, I do.) I dont want him to feel like he got away with this, but I dont want to push him away by being angry. Do I let it go?

BTW, he was very apologetic and felt really stupid for doing what he did. He is not smug about this at all.

I have been keeping as busy as possible this morning, but I cant keep it off my mind. He talked to her for hours. The more I think about it, the more it hurts. I went in my bedroom earlier to cry. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> How could he do this to me after everything we have already been through? And we take another step back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi, Becka. This is probably pretty obvious, but you and your H need to explicitly discuss the BOUNDARIES you have to have with members of the opposite sex.

You do not privately advise a friend of the opposite sex about his or her relationships. If you want to make friends with a member of the opposite sex, you BOTH make friends. If you're too far apart to do it that way, you do not allow those associations into your life.

And of course, you never discuss your M with a friend of the opposite sex. Ever.

These boundaries are important. It used to be that our social structure enforced them for us, and we didn't have to think about it. But now we need to be consciously aware of the need to place limits on our behavior, limits that our culture no longer creates for us.

GC