don't say your sorry to her, you may feel that way but DON'T apologize for the conversation being hard on her. i kind of feel the same as you do as far as not feeling very helpful to others. i know many people will say it's best that we don't have kids and there are many BS w/kids here that will say it didn't make a difference in their spouses having A's. but as far as the communication issue, it does make a big difference, as far as having IL support, yeah it makes a difference.

i feel your pain buddy, i'm still such a ball of emotion maybe not even overtly but just keep coming back to the thought that this isn't fair. but what else can we do? continued prayers to you, RR

RR, I won't apologize for the things I said, ever. They were all true and said for her own good.

I wonder all the time how I'll ever feel normal. I'm so lonesome and sad and FRUSTRATED. The frustration is driving me nuts. No matter how hard I try to imagine what it's like to be her, to see myself the way others see me rather than how I imagine myself, I can't get over it.

GC

GC..
I think you did good telling her all of that. You needed to tell her and she needed to hear it!!!

GC..
I think you did good telling her all of that. You needed to tell her and she needed to hear it!!!

Hmmmm. Two thoughts.

First, which LB covers statements like: "They were all true and said for her own good"? (Hint, yes, it's an LB.)

Second, whether it's an LB or not, the real question is whether it works to improve the chances that your marriage has or not. What're you thinking on that, GC?

I don't know exactly, J.

I know better than she does what's good for her. That's controlling and disrespectful.

I'm always right, she's always wrong. That's disrespectful and it's annoying. Nobody likes a know-it-all.

And yes, she did very spitefully say "You know everything!" when I was giving it to her.

I needed to put in a protest. What else can I say?

GC

((((((GC)))))))

It sucks like a Hoover all the way around.

Niosgirl:

Or, as we geeky scientist types like 2 put it:

It pulls a good vaccuum! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I still think you did what you needed 2 do, gc. It might not have been "perfectly coreographed" for your W, but one can burn a lot of calories trying 2 accomplish that, after all.

-ol' 2long

GC,... I've Lost It Too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I'm tired of smiling and getting my a$$ handed to me with a nasty smirk. No good deed goes unpunished, nothing is ever good enough.

Told her exactly what I've been thinking. Full of disrespectful judgements. She could star in her own Jerry Springer show. To look at her makes the bile rise in my throat. This creature, I won't even call her a woman, certainly not a wife(not wayward or otherwise) and not a mother. She is cleaning our master bathroom for the first time in over 6 months. If you saw our bathroom in a public restroom you would hold it rather than use it. Jerry Springer trash.

Finished with Plan A and Plan B. I'm getting a divorce from this wretched, lazy, lying, cheating, thieving, creature. I feel dirty being married to her, I feel soiled, unclean. No amount of soap and water or time can wash her filth off of me.

The reason I've come to feel this way? She thinks that it is ok to lie, sneak, be adulturous, thieve, and basically do nothing unless it is for herself. She see's nothing wrong with it, "it is not agaist the law" the says. What kind of woman could do this to her own family and rationalize that it is not against the law? She has no conscience. She is bereft of morals and ethics. Most people couldn't treat thier enemies this way, she is trash to me.

Sorry for threadjacking GC. You were a rolemodel for Plan A. I've invested my whole life in this family, two kids, a wife, two dogs. I worked two sometimes three jobs while she sat on the couch didn't clean and complained about cooking dinner, or getting me a glass of water. This didn't just start three months ago, I've lived this crap for 15 years. All she did was take the kids to school in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon. AND on the odd day I wasn't working, she wanted me to do that too!

I'll pay every dollar to my attny. I'll use every dollar we have. I'd rather send his grandchildren to college than give her one cent to sit on the couch and make the kids do the thier own laundry and eat cereal for dinner.

Was that good for losing it. Trying to keep my cool now.... moving out in a few weeks. Planning a party and a mini-vacation trip.

That felt good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ September 17, 2004, 07:35 AM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Tom:

Now THAT's losing it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Any reason, since you already have the condo, why you don't go now?

I would think that would be a vacation - blue couch and all - from what you're going through in her presence.

Or is there some legal ramification?

-ol' 2long

Really, Tom. Getting tossed out of your house is awful. Thanks no-fault! But I predict it will be awfully relieving to be away from her chaos. I'm not sure what the last four months would have been like if I'd had to share this house with a nasty WW waving her A under my nose and disrespecting me.

Tom, did you ever go into any detail about why you're getting the boot? No-fault may be a sham, but what is the justification? Just the usual practice of the SAHM always getting the house and custody in your county?

Back to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I had a real estate agent over to talk about the value of my house and all that. Based on her market analysis, I shouldn't have to give the sparrow a red cent for the house. We'll see... she has not contacted me, and we were supposed to get together to talk about what she wants. I probably made her not too excited about contacting me again after my harangue. But if she wants her clothes and that filthy bed, she's going to have to come and get it.

On the upside, if she comes on Saturday, I'll have my potential new dog running around the house, and the sparrow will see more than ever the happy home that she's leaving behind. She loves dogs, especially border terriers. In your face, sparrow!

GC

Since I'm being all schmaltzy and lovey because of the frickin xanex, you go GC - and blessings on you and your new furr-baby! The universe is too cool and wonderful to be pissed and hurt for so long. Find your joy...even if it's the little things at first. Furr baby puppy breath, the smell of homemade bread, and trampolines (jumpolines).

Why did they change my meds....oh, yea. Anger mgmt. issues....um, anger schmanger....the world is a nummy place with or without dwh/ww's right now.

Where's the smiley icon for effing loaded? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Heh, Kimmy, I spaced out and took a double-dose of ADs today, so I sort of know where you're coming from. So sleepy... must... finish... work...

No new developments. No white doves yet. Silencio.

Regarding the wedding video - I'm kind of a spaz on video. I have a hard time watching myself. I was hoping to present a cooler version of myself to the sparrow. That's part of the reason I don't know if I want to give her the video. I'm probably just being mental and insecure, but I have a doubt...

GC