It's a rainy, dreary day up here in the Northwest and I'm barely holding it together. I went over to the cafeteria at work to get some breakfast and heard on the radio in there the one song that can bring me to instant tears in my situation.

Janis Joplin's Another Piece of my Heart.

The band that I played in with my WW before the separation did that song. My WW sang and she can do a better Janis than anyone I have ever heard. In the last few months leading up to her A she seemed to be just putting more and more feeling in to that song when she sang it. Just really letting it rip. We were talking after the separation and she said the reason she was able to put so much feeling in to that song is that she was singing it to me. She was so hurt by my EA. She was so hurt by the fact that she was reaching out to me and I couldn't figure out what to do to make things better. She was so hurt that she loved me so much and that I didn't seem to care. For those not familiar with it here are the lyrics......

Didn't I make you feel like you were the only man, well yeah,
An' didn't I give you nearly everything that a woman possibly can ?
Honey, you know I did!
And each time I tell myself that I, well I think I've had enough,
But I'm gonna show you, baby, that a woman can be tough.

I want you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby, (break a..)
Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah. (come on)
Hey! Have another little piece of my heart now, baby, yeah.
You know you got it if it makes you feel good,
Oh yes indeed.

You're out on the street looking good, and baby,
Deep down in your heart I said you know that it ain't right,
Never never never never never never hear me when I cry at night.
Baby, I cry all the time!
And each time I tell myself that I, well I can't stand the pain,
But when you hold me in your arms, I'll sing it once again.

I'll say come on, come on, come on, come on, yeah take it!
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. (break a..)
Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah, (have a…)
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby, yeah.
Well, You know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good

Guitar

I need to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. (break a…)
Break another little bit of my heart, honey, yeah. (have a)
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby,
You know you got it (waaaaahhh)
Take a…Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. (break a…)
Break another little bit of my heart, and darling, yeah yeah (have a)
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby,
You know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good

So now everytime I hear this song it reminds me of the pain that I caused her that led up to her A and our separation. The song just brings me to my knees. Every day I realize a little more how my actions brought me to this point. I just want so bad for us to stop this continual cycle of pain that has been going on for 2 years to stop. I would do anything to show my love for her. I would do anything to show the remorse I feel for my past actions. I would do anything to prove to her that I could forgive her for her current actions. *sigh* Unfortunately she wants to hear none of it. Like I said it's been a rough morning for me. I hate crying at work.

I have an appointment with SH tomorrow. Hopefully he can give me some good advice.

Park, sorry for your rough morning.

Glad to hear you have an appt. with SH. Show her the best of you, when you can. Stay up, of course your heart is broken, but a sad depressed man, is not an attractive man. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

{{{park}}}

KY

Hang on Parkem.

You are doing what you can, and that is all you can do. Please don't let your guilt overwhelm you, everyone makes mistakes and your WW's affair is not your fault.

I think you will get the chance show her, and you are going to be talking to SH tomorrow and he has a very good success rate.

So hang on guy, you are not alone!

Parkem1....I'm quickly learning that each day is different (he**, each hour seems different).....

Saturday I felt like I did six weeks ago. Sunday felt better and this morning not so bad.

I'm sorry for your rough morning but I can say that because of your rainy, dreary day in the Northwest, my day in southern California is much cooler (been near 100 degrees for last 10 days or so). So I say thank you for the cooler weather down here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm also counseling with Steve H. Pretty insightful! Hang tough and I hope your day gets better as you go.......LS

Thanks Ky. I am trying my hardest but it is hard to show someone your best when about the only thing they want to talk about is getting a D. I know a sad depressed man is not attractive and I am pretty good at not being that way around her. The problem we have now mainly is that all D talk seems to lead to some kind of argument with LB's flying from both sides.

Weaver, I try not to let my guilt overwhelm me and I know that her decsion to have an A is not my fault. But I also know that she wouldn't have been vulnerable had I done things differently. I am really looking forward to talking to SH tomorrow. It will be interesting to get some expert insight.

Just read your post and know how you feel! Hang in there! I hope your day gets better.

Parkem1....Just confirmed my third C with Steve H for this week....

Is this your first one? Be prepared to answer some MB principle questions from SH. I liked the way he verified I understood the principles before moving on to specifics. Not quite a test but I'm expecting a multiple choice answer guide in the mail soon <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

.....LS

LS, yeah it is my first appointment with SH. I hope my test is not too hard as my appt. is pretty early in the morning. Will he end the call if I fail the test??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Any pointers on how to get the most out of the time with SH. Does he ask a lot of questions or does he just let you tell your story?