It's a rainy, dreary day up here in the Northwest and I'm barely holding it together. I went over to the cafeteria at work to get some breakfast and heard on the radio in there the one song that can bring me to instant tears in my situation.
Janis Joplin's Another Piece of my Heart.
The band that I played in with my WW before the separation did that song. My WW sang and she can do a better Janis than anyone I have ever heard. In the last few months leading up to her A she seemed to be just putting more and more feeling in to that song when she sang it. Just really letting it rip. We were talking after the separation and she said the reason she was able to put so much feeling in to that song is that she was singing it to me. She was so hurt by my EA. She was so hurt by the fact that she was reaching out to me and I couldn't figure out what to do to make things better. She was so hurt that she loved me so much and that I didn't seem to care. For those not familiar with it here are the lyrics......
Didn't I make you feel like you were the only man, well yeah,
An' didn't I give you nearly everything that a woman possibly can ?
Honey, you know I did!
And each time I tell myself that I, well I think I've had enough,
But I'm gonna show you, baby, that a woman can be tough.
I want you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby, (break a..)
Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah. (come on)
Hey! Have another little piece of my heart now, baby, yeah.
You know you got it if it makes you feel good,
Oh yes indeed.
You're out on the street looking good, and baby,
Deep down in your heart I said you know that it ain't right,
Never never never never never never hear me when I cry at night.
Baby, I cry all the time!
And each time I tell myself that I, well I can't stand the pain,
But when you hold me in your arms, I'll sing it once again.
I'll say come on, come on, come on, come on, yeah take it!
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. (break a..)
Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah, (have a…)
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby, yeah.
Well, You know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good
Guitar
I need to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. (break a…)
Break another little bit of my heart, honey, yeah. (have a)
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby,
You know you got it (waaaaahhh)
Take a…Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. (break a…)
Break another little bit of my heart, and darling, yeah yeah (have a)
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby,
You know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good
So now everytime I hear this song it reminds me of the pain that I caused her that led up to her A and our separation. The song just brings me to my knees. Every day I realize a little more how my actions brought me to this point. I just want so bad for us to stop this continual cycle of pain that has been going on for 2 years to stop. I would do anything to show my love for her. I would do anything to show the remorse I feel for my past actions. I would do anything to prove to her that I could forgive her for her current actions. *sigh* Unfortunately she wants to hear none of it. Like I said it's been a rough morning for me. I hate crying at work.
I have an appointment with SH tomorrow. Hopefully he can give me some good advice.
