I just found out that what I thought was an EA, actually had some physical aspects. No sex, but a kiss. To me, this is just as bad. Started plan A last week and it blew up in my face. Her plan is to take my daughter and go out of state to her hometown for a while to think. This is also where the OM is who is an ex, not married and waiting with open arms.

Last night we talked for 3 hours and she finally opened up. I feel worse, but better. She told me that she almost left me the other night when I started plan A. Basically, and I'm sure many people have heard the same thing, her head is saying to stay in this stable household where our 2 year old daughter has a good life, buy her heart is telling her she is unhappy. She also said her heart is telling her to pursue the relationship with the OM. Obviously this kills me, but I know my wife best and I think if I push the issue by plan A'ing, it will push her away. We talked about drawing out a plan for our separation, when we would talk on the phone and when she would come back. She promised she will come back, but it may be to tell me its over. I just don't know if there is anything I can do but let her have her time and show and tell her that I'm always her for her. The positive is that we finally talked and she is committed to continue counseling until she leaves in 1 month. Does all this sound crazy or is it common?

I'm not sure I can stand any more lies and secret communication, which I'm sure will continue. Even after our good talk, she will talk with the OM today. I guess I'm a jealous H and it is ripping me apart to think about her pursuing things with this OM. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to keep asking her to cut ties with this OM, because she gets further away. Then again, how can I stand back and let it happen. I really feel that I am competing head to head with this person and right now I'm losing.

Please any thoughts or advice are badly needed. Jmash

jmash,

She is in the 'fog'. No rational thought is possible in that state. I have been there and my WW is there now. From personal experience, I would try to avoid separation. It doesn't help the situation at all. Don't know if you can get her to stay or not. She will not be able to do any 'thinking' that will help your M by leaving and going back to her hometown where OM is. My WW gave me the let's separate I need some time alone speech and then said she wanted a D 1 week after separation. It is hard to say about the counseling. She is probably going so she can justify in her mind that she tried everything. MC is pretty worthless when one is 'foggy'. Hang in there and do everything you can to avoid LB's. Just out of curiosity, what about plan A caused her to want to leave? How did it blow up?

As hard as I tried not to make demands when I started my Plan A, that is how she took it. That is why she almost left.

The positives are that we are going out on a date this Friday, and she also suggested that we have a co-counseling sesssion next week after two weeks of individual sessions.

She hasn't told her parents or family about her situation because she is ashamed and embarrassed. She is going to have to soon. I hope this works in my favor. I've thought about telling them myself but realized this may backfire big time.

Jmash

jmash.

EXPOSURE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND and the only one you have right now. You need to expose the affair NOW.

Old-heads, please jump in here and give some direction.

Gimble