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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 782
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 782 |
Just looking for others that has a WS that is "serial"...Multiple partners, many EA or PA., years of infidelity.
I wondering if these type of cheaters can be "cured". Does it ever end? Or if a man are they just a Don Juan and nothing will change them? If your's changed how did you get them to see the light/committment of M? Or did you see it as an incurable disease so you moved on with your life?
Thanks for any input...I'm really struggling with what I need to do
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 443
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 443 |
i would like to see answers on this as well. My ww is on her 2nd A. 1st on was 2 years ago.
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093 |
I was engaged to a serial cheater, he was married when I met him but didn't find out for 8 months after.
Cerri has some really interesting ideas on this -
JL posted her Link here not to long ago, but I think you can find her thread over on the Just Found Out section. It's called "if you could ask one question about infidelity" or something like that. Towards the end of the thread she touches on serial cheaters.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 673
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 673 |
ITHURTS
There was another post started about serial cheaters as well. I remember responding to it because I am M'd to a serial cheater. I'll see if I can find it.
Yes I believe they can change but it takes a LOT of hard work on their part.
Take care.
sss
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107 |
The OM in my mess is a serial cheater.
3 divorces, each xspouse taken FROM a stable relationship and broken up by affairs, plus other affairs befor emy WWs fling.he's starting counselling for it according to his GF.
( BTW "OM explained all his other relationships, he was looking for the real love we found all his life ")
[nelson from simpsons] HAH-HAH ! [/nelson from simprons] Fog poop
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 782
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 782 |
Anyone have book suggestons or internet sites that might deal with this problem and how the spouse should handle this personality type????
I never know if I should shut him out or try to be nice and hope that it goes away. Harley methods aren't gonna work here that's for sure..They are classic cake eaters , they aren't remorseful so you can't "get to them emotionally"....
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069 |
I was married to a serial cheater for 15+ years.
Please read my sig info below.
I have no strong belief that they can or cannot change. What I DO know is that it almost killed me literally.
He gave me stage 3 cervical cancer from all his promiscuity. Why risk your life?
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 782
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 782 |
Resilient - I too feel that this is gonna kill me...I truly believe that I will get physically sick from the torture I have been enduring. I just wish I had the strength to leave him and never look back..I smoke more than ever, lost 15-20 lbs. since finding out "who" I'm M too, and have days of just feeling like crap...my heart has sooo many cracks that will never mend - I truly don't think I'll ever trust a man again nor do I want to..
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 29
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 29 |
Actually thought about killing myself back in 94 when WH "started" an EA, but I caught him before it became a PA. Now, WH is serial cheater with 2 EA/PA (long term). Completely blind sided me; our M is the envy of all friends, put him on a pedastal--he spoiled me and made me feel like a princess. My C says he is a classic Rescuer (and avoider). I love him with all of my heart, but when I found out it was 2 women at the same time...I almost died!!
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 525
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 525 |
I found out FWS had an A while we were engaged. He confessed 3 months after d-day of the 2nd one. Because I did not know of the first A, I don't feel we recovered at all. The protections were not in place in our M. (I didn't even know there had to be protection.) We are fighting hard to rebuild our M. FWS knows the pain he caused and if there is another A, I believe it will be an exit one. It better be, cuz there will be no Plan A next time. I will go to Plan B before he even knows what hit him.
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