Hello Everyone, A few years ago before me and the H got married, he was a pot smoker. But then he got very active in our church and stopped.

Now in 2004, my H is back to getting high. He gets High in the morning before work and then at night before he goes to bed. Otherwise, I can't really complaint about him not being a good husband or father. He never does it around me or our children, he leaves and goes somewhere else.

I have asked him to stop smoking pot on several occasions, but he says he will when he's ready.

What do you do????? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

*notices last name of topic creator*

Hey is this my WW???

I doubt it, but just thought I would ask.

While I have smoked pot before I have never been active in church so you can't be talking about me.

Personally I would get him to stop if you can. The stuff starts messing with your head. You say he goes somewhere else to do it but then does he come home stoned? What if there was some kind of emergency? Would you want a stoned husband trying to deal with it, or having to drive the kids somewhere while stoned? Substance abuse really has no place in the raising of a family. Believe me I know from first hand experience.

My ex smoked A LOT of pot. That is why he's my ex, in fact. I couldn't handle it after 5 years, and him hocking my sewing machine and microwave so he'd have money to buy the cr@p, I let him go.

Can't tell you what to do...but it sets a HORRIBLE example for the kids.

"Are you stoned, or just s2pid?" - bumper sticker.

How old is your H? I think many of us smoked plant at one timee or another, when we were YOUNG and really DUMB and not KNOWING ANY BETTER. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

For me, that was pretty long ago, when the ground was still warm 2 the touch and fossil fuels were just an interesting idea. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pot made me pretty lethargic. "Why do a single thing 2day, there's 2morrow sure as I'm here." - Genesis "Undertow"

Most alarming, though, is that yous ay your H is getting stoned before going 2 work. How does he get 2 work? Is he propelling a 2-ton hunk of Detroit iron down the roads, where kids and other lifeforms walk 2 school and go about their business? If so, he needs the keys taken away from him.

not "doing it around" you or the kids is lying, it's not being thoughtful. It's like an affair, which Steve Harley once defined as "what your spouse thinks it is."

Your H's habit is bothersome 2 you, and will set a bad example for your kids when/if they find out about it. Do you want them 2 believe it's okay 2 smoke plant before going 2 school every morning?

best,
-ol' 2long

<small>[ September 13, 2004, 04:51 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

Oh, boy, do I have experience with this. Everyone thinks that pot is not addicting...couldn't be furthue from the truth. Fogman cannot live without the stuff, he's been a daily smoker since he was a teenager. He denies any "problem" of course, even though he has obviously killed off a LOT of brain cells and all of his ambition and happiness in life as well.

He lost his job in Jan for pissing positive (he knew he was being tested and wouldn't stop). I went ballistic (was pregnant at the time), he went into treatment, detoxed at home x 3 weeks. Pissed clean and was right back to it within a week, which he hid from me. During this clandestine partying, he met the OW, who LOVES to smoke it up, and the rest is history.

I'm not exactly blaming pot for my M problems, but I see now that pot killed off a basically decent man and rules his life. Very very sad.

I would worry about him going "somewhere" else to smoke. Where is he going and who is he smoking with? Pot is not as harmless as it seems. What if he were to get arrested?

He will not stop unless he's ready, he is right about that! That's because he is an addict who needs to wake up! Sometimes they never do, and their lives and families suffer. I am so soory you have to deal with this. What is going on that he feels he needs to self-medicate with pot? Get talking!!!!

2long - We did?????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

believer:

Yeah. You remember that party over at ol' whatsisnames, way back there in nineteen 60... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Is it alright with you?

I could see getting high before work to be an especially touchy issue. Does he drive when he is high? That really isn't too smart.

2long - Were you wearing purple tennis shoes?

Ms Parker -

The problem is that you have asked WH to quit and he won't. Also it appears that his habit IS causing problems (job loss). Plus he is driving while stoned. All pot smokers think that they dive BETTER stoned. Yikes!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What do you do????? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How about call the police. I do believe it is still an illegal substance in all 50 states, no? Do you want this illegal substance in your home? How about in your car? Do you think if you get pulled over for a traffic violation and so much as a seed is found in your car that you are going to be able to explain it away? YOU will go to jail.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ...when we were YOUNG and really DUMB and not KNOWING ANY BETTER.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Young and dumb definitely...but "not knowing any better?" Defiant may be more appropriate. We all knew better.

I don't know very much about pot.(just what I've read)
I do know that it is 5 times more powerful these days than it was a couple of decades ago. People supposedly use the bud vs the whole plant to smoke which is far more concentrated in the getting high chemical.

I know that the reason pee tests catch the use of it due to the re-uptake part of the brain recycling the high over and over again for a few days.

I guess your H is using it to self medicate. The high feeling is the ultra awareness of simple things that people do not focus on when not using it. That is the addictive quality. People want that feeling of awe about everyday things. It makes their brains say "Hey, I like this. It feels goooooood."

I don't know what you should do about your mate.

<small>[ September 13, 2004, 07:12 PM: Message edited by: picklesaresour ]</small>

Thank you to everyone who shared, and I welcome more comments. It is really a touchy subject. And you never know how to deal with something until you are in it.

I said I would never date or marry anyone who got high or drank, but look at me. Grant it I smoke cigarettes occassionally when I am stressing, and my husband says those are just as addicting, what's the difference???? When he smokes he goes to the park, my H is a loner always has been.

My husband is 33 years old. I asked him why does he smoke it, and he says that it relaxes him, just like people get a cigarette first thing in the morning, he grabs his joint. And just like some people smoke cigarettes before bed, he grabs a joint.

How do you tell an adult to stop doing something?? I never see him crazed or acting silly, it just really mellows him out. Kind of like a person who is Bipolar <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

But besides that issue, he is a excellent father, and an OK husband. But I do get bothered by the weed smoking.

You can't make anyone quit smoking pot, anymore than you can make anyone quit drinking, or smoking cigarettes.

All you can do is decide if you want to live with it or not. That's it make a choice for yourself.

If you can't live with it get rid of HIM, if you can't live without him, live with IT.

I'm sorry, but those are your only two choices when dealing with substance abuse. Sad as that may be.

Bless you,
Weaver