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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2 |
Hi, I am new here. I am 45 and have been married for 24 years. H was abusing drugs for all of those years. I finally got help from alanon and was ready to leave when 2 things happened.
1. H stopped using in May.
2. A divorced coworker told me he has liked me for a long time and wanted me to stop over.
I chose to meet him and have slept with him 4 times since June. I know it was wrong. Even though my marriage has been bad for years, cheating never entered my mind. But now I am struggling with the after affects of what I have done. I left H for a few days in August to try and get my head straight. I am so messed up right now.
I am trying to work on our marriage. It has been 2 weeks since I slept with OM. I am trying to get him out of my head but it is very hard. My marriage has not been good for years. His drug abuse changed everything about our relationship. I shut down emotionally towards him years ago. Just as I had one foot out the door, he stopped using drugs. Now I sit here trying to repair a marriage that has damaged long before my A. I am so confused right now because my NC with OM is so fresh in my mind. I want to work on my marriage. I wish I had never cheated but I can't change it now. I need help getting through these tough days of NC. Any WS out there that can offer me advice I would appreciate it. Thanks!
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,747
Member
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Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,747 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My marriage has not been good for years </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You said that twice. What do YOU want...do you want to build a good M or walk away from the bad one ?
Even if your M was horrible, an A wasn't the answer, so that's not your solution to this problem.
Why do you want to stay now ?
Why did you never leave if it were so bad ?
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2 |
I didn't leave because I thought I could not make it on my own. I was scared. I am codependant. I finally found the strength in myself when I found alanon. That is when he stopped using and I had the A.
I want to work on my marriage. I want to build a good marriage. I want to make sure we have done everything possible to save it.
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