Hello I was looking for some input on a touchy subject......masturbation.
Does the average person have a problem with their partner masturbating?
Are they o.k. with it unless they use porn for stimulation?
What is the difference between using porn and masturbating and just using mental images when masturbating?
Does anyone consider either one a form of cheating or betrayel?

Thanks for all response

Hi bradley,

I personally find nothing wrong with masturbation.We all need a little release now and then and if no ones around like our spouses,well,ya know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I do however have a problem with porn.In general,I find it very distasteful and derogatory toward women.I get mad when I think of how many men are "benefitting" from many of these women who,based on a lot of reading and programs,I have learned have very painful backgrounds including incest,rape,sexual abuse and familial dysfunction.I will always be upset if someone is benefitting from another's pain.So that would be a NO on the porn issue for me.

Also,I don't like the idea of my husband imaging other women and masturbating,it "feels' like a betrayal and hurts.If he thought about me well then that's ok.

So,how are you doing these days? I read all your posts and I am sorry about your situation.I can understand how hard it must be reading all the past stuff from your WW and the OW but to me,a betrayal is a betrayal and it's their problem.Not that I am a woman or a man but that's just my opinion.But,I do not know what it is like unless my WH met another man.What's worse? Being a cliche or of the "new order"? I don't know.

O

Not a problem unless it becomes a PROBLEM, if you know what I mean.

No dif between porn and mental images unless that becomes a problem.

Unless of course your spouse objects to any of the above, then you got a problem. But then you got POJA, so problem gone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You know as long as I am the first choice then I don't mind the other stuff.

If he was gone for a long time then, I wouldn't mind him using porn once in a while. Anything would be better than an affair, and I think a lot of guys need visual stimulation to be able to get off masturbating. I wouldn't want him looking at porn if he was home & not traveling for a long time though, unless he wanted me to look with - a shared experience.

I think it would become a very serious problem if it is used to replace intimacy with a real person.

The post Pep has regarding what a women wants touches on this. You should read that thread.

Weaver

Hi,

I do it in front of my husband when he does not want me. He does not mind. Sorry for your situation.

I would say it all depends on what each partner and how each partner portrays sex.
Not to stray to far off subject but for me I can handle my wife masterbating, in fact its quite common for her to masterbate with her vibrator while she watches me masterbate. Now is that sick to you? Maybe but in a relationship sexual fullfillment is a very common need. If my wife gets stimulated by watching me masterbate, and then I get stimulated by watching her stimulate herself to orgasm then who is to say its wrong. I mean its not our whole act of sex,, it is a great arousal before intercorse. I would say unless you are both at ease with the porn issue then kill that. Explore each other find out what arouses both of you then do it. Geezzz I sound like the Berman sisters,,,, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Because of what my wife and I are going through, I don't feel the slightest desire to masturbate. When we were making love, and trying to get pregnant (every other day/night), I had the urge to do so all the time (I didn't though).

Now, I have no urge to do this. I miss my wife tremendously. My wife has never really been open to masturbation (at least when asked about her doing that), but I think that she is doing that now.

I don't know how I feel about it... I know that I am not the image in her minds eye when/if she does this. At this point in time, she has no feelings for me. It hurts very badly, because I just want to be close to her.

Anyways... I used to think that pornography was something for whoever enjoyed that sort of thing. After reading many books and going to see an IC and writing in a journal, I think that it is a degrading form of entertainment.

I wish that my wife would begin to include me in her intimate desires. I fear that may never happen again.

Just figured I would add my 2 cent to this.

Take care...

I was fine with it until H had an A with female half his age. Very poor, asian girl, here in asia, who was on the take for money. There were a lot of boudries crossed ethically to do what he did - so I now very much object to him using porn to masterbate and I tell him if he isn't in the mood enough to do it then don't do it. I really do believe that his watching porn and spending too much time with porno movies etc meant that when the girl hit on him, he thought it was just like a porno movie and he really thought that she was going to act like a porn star. This lead him to make a wrong judgement call. Coz she got her hooks into him and she didn't act the least bit like a porn star - and he was caught up in an A that was unfulfilling and humiliating and he being a conflict avoider didn't know how to get out of.

I have to be away from him sometimes and even after the aftermath of the A I found he'd been using porn to masterbate while I was away. I was really shocked that he still had the energy/inclination left to look at 'lovely dark ladies' especially as his ow was a lovely dark lady. This was a big set back for me.

I suppose it depends how committed they are to recovery.