I was reading through lcg_25's post "WH's Friends" and was thinking about my own situation. A question for you all - does your WS have friends that enable or encourage him/her to continue with the affair? How do you handle them?

In my situation, my WW has a childhood friend that is as close as a sister. They love to talk about old times and how they always got into trouble together in high school. This female friend, who is gay, is now having an affair with a woman that is engaged to a man (confused yet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ). My WW and her friend talk many times each day and I often feel as if this friend encourages my WW to continue with the affair (I've seen emails to this effect).
Being as close as sisters there is also this dynamic between them where they seem to try to "one-up" each other with how miserable they are that they cannot be with the "love of their life." It irritates me even more because my wife tells me that her friend is "pulling for me" and that I should love her for that, when in fact I have repeatedly seen evidence to the contrary.

Any suggestions on how I can navigate my wife away from this friend that I consider unhealthy for her?
Thanks,
solo

Hi solo,

A big yes to does my WH have friends who support him in his A.The list includes all his cronies and "friends" from the previous job he was fired from and where the homerecker now works,the homewrecker,her adulterous parents and psychic family friends.That is also why my WH is trying desperately to get a job back there in the north because he has alienated and hurt so many of his family members here where I live that he just would rather forgo the self introspection and continue to cheat on me,disappoint his children and continue to hurt everyone else.It's easier to just say BYE! and start over anew.

Is there anything I can do about it? Nope.They all know how I despise the homewrecker and what is going on but this is the norm where my WH is.People are cheating on their spouses and girlfriends left and right.The industry my WH is in is ripe with young,aspiring yuppies to whom family,marriage and trust mean little and flirtation means everything.

If I were you,I would be firm but precise about your feelings about your WW and marriage and that you would like the friends help in respecting your realtionship with your WW.That's all you can do,explain your feelings and where it goes from there is out of your control,unfortunately.People are going to act and say whatever they want even if it's self motivated.You just be the one with all the dignity and integrity in the world.They can't pick on you if you don't give them something to do so.

O

<small>[ September 14, 2004, 01:11 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

My H was willing to give up all friends that enablesd his A. And did.

<small>[ September 14, 2004, 01:46 PM: Message edited by: Trix ]</small>

Trix - I hesitate to say this to anyone who has a reason to be on this BB, but - You are a lucky woman.

October girl - You are right of course. We can't control others actions. I guess it is just frustrating because they talk so much that sometimes I feel I'm battling against two people's Fog instead of just one. And one is plenty to handle! At least I'm not battling against multiple Foggy people as it sounds you are. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> The very touchy part is that because they are both talking Fog talk to each other all day long, this friend is the only one that makes sense to my WW. So when I try to gingerly suggest to my WW that maybe this friend isn't exactly helping my WW is shocked that I could say such a thing about someone who can be so compassionate and understanding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I really need to find that alien language translation book...

-s

My situation was a bit different..because my WH never wanted to leave the M...but we did have the enabling friends prob.

I have heard it said that one person can't control anothers actions..and that's true..but I forced a choice.

I told him that I saw them as a threat to our M..and that if he chose to remain in contact with them, I would choose to leave. I don't believe in fighting through a lifetime of pain in an environment where I am set up to fail. It is my opinion that as long as this influence was active in his life we had no chance. He chose us..went through all the withdrawl you would expect. Not until this did things even begin to look like they might work out. I'm really glad that I forced this choice..but a word of caution..I was willing to accept him at his word that he refused to remove these people from our lives. I would have carried out my promise with no hesitation. That would have been the end of our marriage. So make no assertions that you aren't willing and ready to enforce.

The friend that I described above, hereafter to be know as Co-Conspirator or CC, is coming into town for the weekend. WW and I have been making some decent progress the last two weeks and I'm worried about CC causing my wife to regress. My goal for this weekend is to find a way to turn CC from an enemy to an ally. But I'm at a loss as to how to do it, particularly because CC is almost as foggy as my wife is (she is involved with someone who is engaged). Any ideas? Or should I just make it a goal to get through the weekend without any LB's and deal with the aftermath?