Does anybody know the statistics on this one? Is it likely that if a H does it once he learns his lesson, or is there a high percentage of men that have repeated A's?

Well,,, my wife has betrayed me 2 times in 7 yrs.
Dont ask me why but I feel like there will not be a third because of the damge the second affair caused. The first was a one night stand that I caught red handed,, it felt like a pen [censored] compared to her emotional/sexual affair we just suffered.
However,,, I did read that women are less likely to repeat an affair than men.

My H was sleeping with my best friend/brothers GF, I just wonder how likely it is to happen again. He says that it started because she offered it and he just did it, I'm concerned that if another one offers it he'll do it with them too and it will start another A, he had been seeing her for 10 months.

Jennie,,,

Your husband has given you the most common response all WS give the BS. The "it just happened response"
I dont know how or if he has reflected on betraying you and how this OW persuaded him to, but trust me the reasons go deeper than "it just happened"

It usually takes some time for you to get the real answer to that one. Do not think that your husband was just born to cheat....

The marriage usually has issues and he chose to betray you to deal with those issues. Ask him this: "What did you get from this other woman for 10 months that you did not get from our Marriage?" Ask calmly... if you ask demandingly more than likely youll get his Taker response.
With my wife she became very stressed after the birth of our second child,, motherhood was stressing her to the core plus she is a working Mom,, she felt like she was loosing her youth and excitement,, her OM was an escape and made her feel like she was alive. Until she got caught,,,
Now her affair is something she wishes she could undo in her life.
Your husband has some issues,,, it may take a while to discover them but they are there.

He also says that he wishes it had never happened and that it never will again, and shows genuine remorse for his A. Other than that he says that he really doesn't know what he was getting out of it, but I have stressed how badly I need an answer to this question, so I hope that eventually he can come to me with an answer.

Jenn,

I think people can change HOWEVER ...

Change only occurs when the pain of staying the same outweighs changing one's self.

I also think because society in general doesn't support anti-adultery [Fidelity] but tries to sweep it under the rug, most cheaters don't suffer the full thrust and array of consequences that they should, hence less consequential pain resulting in unlikely change in their behavior.

JMVHO
Jo

<small>[ September 14, 2004, 03:13 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Jennie,,,

Once again your hubby is a carbon copy of my wife.
You are at the beginning stages of recovery it is very common for your husband to ask the same question: "Why did I hurt my wife like this' how was I capable of doing this" This is normal.

Yes you do need to understand why and how.. you need to heal from the trauma he has inflicted upon you. Part of the healing process involves both of you, healing together. Belive me when I say you cannot heal until you understand why this happened. I have three words for you "NOT JUST FRIENDS" a book by Shirley Glass. You and your husband both need to read this book. Glass talks about the causes and the pain of infidelity. She also relates alot toward the betrayed spouse on how to get those nessesary answeres to all of the questions you have.