Our 4th wedding anniversary is coming up on Thursday. I'm not sure what to do about it. I thought about just a simple friendly card and flowers. But not sure if anything would even be appreciated at this time. I also thought about not doing anything. I am just confused. My question is what have others done on their anniversary with a noncommitted spouse?

I suggest you celebrate your family.

If the marriage is in a bit of a lull.... celebrate your family....

What could you plan that would celebrate the family you have created together?

Pep

"a bit of a lull" would be an understatement. However, that is an idea to celebrate our family. I wasn't really planning on any kind of real celebration so haven't really thought about it. Since I am living in a foreign country, I am not sure of too many family things to do. But I could maybe plan a drive to see something on Saturday after our Anniversary.

I apologize about the "lull" understatement! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> I certainly mean no disrespect to your very real hurt and turmoil.

I recognized you were in Plan A by way of your sig line....

...and I thought Plan A might be well served with a family event, rather than a romantic event.

Pep

coasterride, we were married on the same day! We are supposedly committed, but I'm just not feeling it this year. I don't know -- maybe I'm just stressed out.

NC has been established for 9 months -- no problem there. FWS has changed in alot of ways. I just feel kinda stuck in some way.

Anyways, A was going strong on our 3rd anniversary last year. D-day was 6 weeks prior. Happy anniversary -- not! FWS actually wanted to see OW that day. Can you believe it? I never stopped him from seeing her, but I had to put my foot down that day. We had Chinese leftovers and went out for ice cream with our one-year-old. That was it. I did give him a card. None of the traditonal cards were appropriate (no kidding), so I just gave him a regular love-type of card. I just said that I wanted a chance to work on our M.

I will have to search for your posts and get your story.

Pep-I know you meant no disrespect and none taken. I wasn't planning any romantic getaway. I thought I might just leave some flowers and a card in the morning and leave it at that. I actually thought I might buy a lottery ticket for the card and write something like "hope we win the jackpot again like I did the day I married you" kind of corny, loving and funny at the same time. Hey you gotta play to win. But I don't know.
lbc-thanks for the comment. I guess in your situation you should look at the bright side of things your H is there with you. My W is here phsyically but not in spirit or mind. I don't think you would want change shoes. So try to make the best of it. Go out to a favorite restaurant or better yet make coldcut sandwiches and snuggle up under a blanket and just relax or get a little wild and play naked twister(ha,ha).

What have others done on their anniversaries during A or right when it ended?

Well, my W's A was pretty different from a lot here. She'd ended the PA 2 months before I found out, but the EA continued.

Our 27th anniversary was during a pretty low point after a few heated arguments (she'd wished RM happy b-day just 3 weeks earlier). Christmas had just happened (our anniversary is on the 27th) and we were worn out from that, sure. But she made no indications that she acknowledged our anniversary was coming up. I felt like she was "testing me" 2 see what I'd do, if anything.

I decided not 2 care and made arrangements for a night at the Mission Inn in Riverside ANYWAY.

You know? It was cold, we both had colds(!), but the decorations were beautiful and we had fun walking around the antique shops in the area.

Not much mention of it afterwards either, but the memory of it is still a fond one for me at least. I know I did the right thing for me.

Romantic or no. Do something that's a STATEMENT of some kind from YOU - be it about you, for you, about the family, for the family, or even romantic for your W (if it doesn't set off explosives, that is). You'll know best.

-ol' 2long

I like your idea of a card with a lottery ticket in it! (I might use it myself in a week when its my anniversary!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Our 17th anniversary was less than 3 weeks before the Dv was final. Neither of us acknowledged the day to the other in any way.

I would make something of your anniversary. Our's was a short time after DDay and I prevented us from celebrating. That only made things worse since my W actually wanted to enjoy the time. Do the flowers, lottery ticket and "great" phrase. If I could have that day back, that's what I would do.

I sent my WW flowers, really great ones but not a huge mess of them. Then I took myself out for a great dinner. Afterward, I actually felt great. Maybe I was just on a good mood swing that day.

I celebrated MY belief in my M and my dedication and all that. I celebrated my success so far in taking care of myself and fighting as hard as I could for my M.

Separate effort from outcome.

And who cares how the WS will react if you do something for them? Do it anyway. It cannot hurt. Just don't make it too over the top. Make it enough for you to feel good about it.

GC

Our 3rd anniversary was exactly one month after WH moved out. He actually invited me to dinner. We had a nice time just talking about things going on, no R talk. I think that was the last time I hugged him.

I took the day off from work last year. It wasn't a great day. I don't remember exactly what I did that day, but I know it didn't involve my WW. My 18 year anniversary is coming up on Saturday. I was hoping my DV would have been final before now so I wouldn't have to go through another anniversary alone! Oh well, maybe next year will be better...

Thanks for all the responses. I do think I will give my wife a card with the lottery ticket and some flowers. I'm not sure I'll make any plans to go out that night though because it is a week night and I know W will be tired and will get up early the next night. Any suggestions on what flowers for a 4yr. Anniversary?

Its our 18th anniversary in ten days... not a clue what to do either.

Our 11th is in a month. On a Saturday. Also not sure what to do.

I'm thinking of making dinner reservations at a restaurant we used to go to when we were first married.

Also thinking of doing something with the whole family.

Also thinking of doing nothing.

According to Plan A I should try to meet her needs. Part of this is quality time and coversation.

Anniversary and Plan A don't go together unless you keep your head out of the emotion. Expect nothing other than a nice dinner and some idle conversation. Go home, say good night. Just know it is as difficult for them as it is for us. Also know the OM knows it is our anniversary, so he's scared and pulling out all the stops.