I was thinking today, What about Me, What about what I want?

My Wh left a message today on the answering machine. I know what he wants, he wants to know if I have signed the DV papers. Its all about him.

Doesn't it matter that this is my marriage too...

Everything has been about him. He was the one who had the A, I'm the one who forgave him. He was the one who walked out on me, and I'm the one who wanted to save the marriage. He was the one who moved thousands of miles away with the OW to started a new life, where I'm the one who has to stay and clean up the mess he left behind. He was the one who filed for DV, even though he said he did it for me so I can start my life over again, gee finally he is thinking of me.

Doesn't it matter what I want? I know I'm strong and I have amazed myself how I handle this situation but still all my hopes and dreams I had for the future are gone. This was my marriage too, and I don't have say or can't do anything to save it.

Maybe I'm just ranting, but it feels like this all has been about him, my feeling don't count in this relationship anymore. He didn't even stick around to see how strong I have become, didn't even give me a chance.

A selfish selfish man ..... who abandons his wife .....

is NO BIG PRIZE......

What about you?

Do you count?

HELL YES YOU COUNT!

You count because you are a fabulous human being with a heart and soul.... and you hurt.

The man who abandons you is a loser.... because he's hiding and running away from his wife, his life, his integrity, his vows....

He is a loser... a lost loser man-child ... who runs away from his life....

YOU matter .... he is matter.

Pep (venting steam now)

HD.....Your story sounds so similar to mine. The only difference is that my WH didn't move in with OW. He's living with his brohter.
My H hasn't filed for DV yet but says he is Oct. 4th. My h is telling me the same stuff...."letting me go so I can heal and start my life over." Blah...Blah....Blah!!!!!
I'm amazed at how well I've handled all of this also.
My H also never gave me a chance to save our M either. He dropped the bomb, moved out and didn't even want to try counseling. We went to one session and he tells me that after the apt. he didn't feel any different. 1 appointment....I guess that's all I'm worth in his eyes.
I truly know how you are feeling. I can relate all too well.....
I really can't offer too much advise but just know that there are other people going through the same thing you are. I'm here if you need to talk. Hang in there!!!

Pep,

Thanks, you have a way of enlightening me.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> YOU matter .... he is matter </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That put a smile on my face. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sometimes I feel powerless that I can't do anything to save my marriage and sometimes I feel powerful that I can change my life for the better and be the best that I can be. If my Wh can't see this, well its his lost.

I tell myself, if he wants to make a life with a woman, who cheated on her husband, deliberately went after my Wh (didn't matter to her he was married), lies, cheats and schemes. Well, he better watch his back.

I know I can live without him, but the pain and loneliness is unbearable. I know I'm worthy of finding love again with someone who will love and respect me, problem is I though I had that with my WH before the A.

How can I trust again? Give my heart to someone again. I know one thing I will never be completely emotionally dependent on someone. I realize I am my own person, I'm strong and I deserve happiness.

TR, it amazes me what comes out of our WH mouths. How we keep them from their dreams while they destroy ours. I guess what hurts the most, is that my feelings were push aside along with our marriage. I believe my marriage is worth fighting for, but how much longer can I fight when my WH is sleeping with the enemy.

Pep is right YOU MATTER. Start doing stuff for you. Take a class, learn a hobby, exercise, go splurge on a VERY expensive bottle of wine and sit outside drinking it and enjoy the beautiful fall weather, volunteer at a local animal shelter, go get a manicure and pedicure. You do matter, and you need to treat yourself like that!

HD...listen to what everyone is saying to you. I get such inspiration from everyone here. Today has been a bad day for me but I know tomorrow will be better. I also don't think I have the energy or desire to fight for a man who has pushed me and my son to the side. I do find strenght evryday and so will you! I DO know that there is someone out there for me who will love me and treat me with respect...wheather it is my H or someone new.
Ya know...If my H came to me right now and said he was truly sorry and wanted to save our M..I don't know what I would do but at least I would know that I meant enough to him to fight. I think that is what hurts me so much is that he would just throw away 14 years of M for a woman he's only known for not quite a year. That hurts!!! It makes me feel as if I'm not worth it.
I know I am though....maybe not to him but I AM!!!!!
We ALL are!!!! You will be in my prayers!

I starting to do things on my own. I joined a bowling league a few weeks ago, even though I haven't bowled in years. When out with a few girls at work last friday night. So slowly I'm trying to move on.

I have spent the last fourteen years with my WH and now I'm starting life over again. I'm no longer 22 years old, but closing in on forty. I know my biological clock is running down. I have to put my trust God will provide for me.

TR, I agree if my WH came back and wanted to work on my marriage I don't know what I would do. I know it would take a lot of counseling and many tears. I have bad days and some good days. I'm looking forward to having a great day in the near future.

I do know I'll have to return my WH call, sometimes I dread talking to him, I'll let him sweat it out for awhile before I call him back. I'm no longer at his becken call.

Feeling a little better today...Still haven't return WH call.

My feelings were never a consideration. This is a man who has promised me in front of God, family and friends to love and cherish me to death do us part. Last time I checked, I still have a pulse and a heart, can't say the same thing about him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HopelesslyDevoted2:
<strong> Feeling a little better today...Still haven't return WH call.

My feelings were never a consideration. This is a man who has promised me in front of God, family and friends to love and cherish me to death do us part. Last time I checked, I still have a pulse and a heart, can't say the same thing about him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Glad you are feeling better.... this will never be easy... but I am certain you will pull through this...

My comment is this... (and I am NOT kidding)

someday... perhaps years from now... you're gonna hear from him.... he will send out little "feelers" to see if there is any hope of reconciliation.... when this happends.... PLEASE let me (us) know.

Pep

Thanks Pep,

I'm doing my best to stall this DV, hoping the OW will show her true colors. I think she won't show them until she gets her hooks into him completely.

I can't do anything about their situation, only mine. It is just the feeling of helplessness. I want to save my marriage but feel like I don't have a say in it.

Plus, I don't know the man he has become. The man I fell in love with was not secretive, a liar and especially not a cheat. Right now, I'm better off without him.