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Sorry, I didn't realize this. Again, please excuse the intrusion..
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WakingUp,
You are not intruding at all! You are very welcome!!
Just need to keep to the thread subject and JetGirl.
Was not scolding.
k
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Just wondering....did you tell OM when you spoke to him to STOP CONTACTING YOU?
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Jet...
Let me clarify what I said this morning. I said you are doing the right thing. I am refering to the decision to end the A and establish NC.
Pep is right (I stand corrected in my confusing comment) in the fact that WANTING to do the action of NC and actually DOING the action of NC are night and day. You have stated your fustration with your indecision. You need to suck it up and now DO IT.
Get mad at yourself for being a weenie, call you friend for help, write a letter, post it here for review and edits and send it.
TODAY!
2scared
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you're right pep. i am weak. i am trapped. i did it to myself. and it's sooo painful. i did do the wrong thing talking to him. i wished i was stronger at that moment when he called. it's not a good feeling acknowledging you're weak, and that you can't control yourself.
i want to be in the light again. i guess OM is the dark. it's hard to accept. i'm crying, i feel like i just need a push into the light...but i know i have to do that myself. i feel like i'm locked in a spinning room and can't get out. do you think i'm depressed today??
well, we're trying to get ready for this hurricane. thats adding alittle more stress to my life. NO THANKYOU!!! want jeanne to spin out into the atlantic...i'm sure we'll lose power again, for days....i will post a reply to your marriage today question later. i need to splash some cold water on my face....thanks again for everyone's advice. i'm TRYING....
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
it's not a good feeling acknowledging you're weak, and that you can't control yourself.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We have all been weak .... every single one of us....
The strongest person you have ever met has been weak sometimes Jet.
The weak become strong by exercising their muscles. If we were talking about physical strength, you could easily recognize what it was that you needed to do in order to become strong.... and you would automatically accept the fact that doing those muscle-building exercises was going to make you good and sore for awhile. There is pain before growth.
My husband was a drinker. When he started going to AA 8 years ago, he was weak. He did not know how to live day-to-day without the comforting numbness of alcohol. He got support from others who had been through what he was going through.... and you can have that support here on MB as well. Look to the FWW here who have reached out to you.... get some email addresses... and reach out and ASK for help when you feel weak. Every time you do that you flex your muscles and get a little bit stronger. So, grab some FWW's by their coat tail and have them show you the way out of that dark place.
It's OK to be weak sometimes. It's smart to ask for help when you feel weak. And, guess what? One day, YOU will have the pleasure of being the strong one, and someone who is weak will be following YOU out of the darkness. You will be the role model for someone else in the future.... you will.
My H is now a frequently requested "guest speaker" at AA meetings and he has been the sponsor to many men who needed HELP to find a way out of their darkness, their addiction, their weakness.
It can be done Jet. If my H can overcome alcohol addiction, you can overcome your addiction.... both addictions destroy a person, and both addictions lie to you and tell you that you "can't do it" .... but, YOU CAN.... with help.
Pep
<small>[ September 25, 2004, 01:04 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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thanks pep for your reply. every time i read you, a light bulb goes off in my head---oh!! i get that analogy! i see--it is one day at a time..
i do like the idea of FWS's sending me their e-mail address, if they feel comfortable. ya know why? because i don't want any BS's to be hurt by my feelings. what i post might hurt them. so, i'm open to that. i think posters are getting to know me, and likewise...
well, it's 12:16, and we're just waiting for the rain to come..i know the power will be gone...i just want everyone to be safe...let's hope this hurricane comes in and goes quickly this time!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jetgirl63:
i do like the idea of FWS's sending me their e-mail address, if they feel comfortable. ya know why? because i don't want any BS's to be hurt by my feelings. what i post might hurt them. so, i'm open to that. i think posters are getting to know me, and likewise...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There might be a few newbies who may get hurt that a WS is posting how hard a time he/she is having with getting out of the fog, but the vast majority of us old timers [TMCM says as he is rocking back in forth in his rocking chair <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ] see this as an opportunity to help a fellow human being to do what is right for her marriage and for him/herself as well.
Take it from someone who had a 20 year affair with alcohol, the best strategy for kicking an addiction is like Pep said 'One Day At A Time'
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Nice to meet you TMCM. That's alot of posts you got goin' on! You must be a wise mon! Anyway, thankyou for your reply.
I'm hanging in there. My bad choices got me here today...I am happy I found this site, because I've been to TOW, and I think most of the posters there are single. They don't really care...I feel more comfortable here, because when it comes down to it, I do want to stay married..the advice here makes me think, and challenge myself. But it is hard work to get healthy again, to overcome the addiction..
It's starting to rain and it's very windy now...
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Jet-
Be safe and start posting again as soon as the power comes back on. You all have had your share of hurricanes.
Sometimes you make 3 steps forward and 2 back. Just don't stop stepping forward or you will be right back to square one. So.. what is your step today?
You are in our prayers.
2scared
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Hi Jet,
Hoping all is well for you. check back in when you can.
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Jetgirl- are you still around out there?
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Hi guys, just checking in...
made it through the hurricane without more damage to the already damaged roof..the kids have no school. I'm ready to drink heavily..
Anyway, I finally told OM not to call me again. It was so hard, I couldn't believe I said the words. Looks like he's moving out of state. So far, he hasn't called. We spoke calmly, kinda tied things up in a neat little bag. He's been on my mind, then I focus on something else. Then there he is again. I guess it comes and goes.
From what I've read here it looks like the weeks ahead might be a rollercoaster ride. The good thing is I can't call him, which was a biggy. So, one day at a time. Is the fog lifting??
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Jet!!!!
I'm so proud of you! You finally said the words... NC. That was hard, I know. Yes, it's a rollercoaster ride but you're doing great.
And Yes... the fog is lifting. It started to lift the moment you choose to turn around and start walking in a different direction. It will be hard for a week then it starts to get better. It takes a good 3-4 weeks to clear your head. Clearing your heart takes longer.
Just remember... each contact sets you back to day one. You have to stay strong. Let us know when your weak...we will help you.
Gosh I'm proud of you...and glad your okay down in Fl.
2scared
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jetgirl63:
<strong> Hi guys, just checking in...
made it through the hurricane without more damage to the already damaged roof..the kids have no school. I'm ready to drink heavily..
Anyway, I finally told OM not to call me again. It was so hard, I couldn't believe I said the words. Looks like he's moving out of state. So far, he hasn't called. We spoke calmly, kinda tied things up in a neat little bag. He's been on my mind, then I focus on something else. Then there he is again. I guess it comes and goes.
From what I've read here it looks like the weeks ahead might be a rollercoaster ride. The good thing is I can't call him, which was a biggy. So, one day at a time. Is the fog lifting?? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">GOOD FOR YOU! I know it was (is) hard- but each day will get better, little by little, as that fog continues to lift and your head clears! Lean on the wonderful MB'ers here- they have been through this and can help!
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today wasn't so great. ups and downs..there's still NC, but he's still in my thoughts. what was he doing, did he wonder about me, etc. then i wanted to talk to him, i needed a fix. i missed my habit, i missed the fix. SO frustrating.then it passed, like a wave. i guess i need new routines for myself...how to start? this week has been a big drag---hurricane stress, kids out of school! thank goodness for red wine...thanks for reading my vent..
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good job posting here!!! yes, we are hear listening. keep up the good work. it will get easier!!! p.s. i sure wish i could have a glass of that red wine (well actually i prefer white) with you. except i don't really ever drink very often and now that i'm on meds i'm not supposed to at all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> but then again i may just make tonight an exception, it's been a draining day!!
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Jet... We have gone like 22 days without rain. SOMEONE is hoarding all the rain... can you maybe send some toward the midwest? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> You're holding up great... well, good... well, ok. I know the withdrawl feelings well. Up one day, down the next. Up one hour, down the next. Mad that he isn't calling...mad that you want him to call. Mad at yourself for even thinking about him. Pause... <drink of wine>... Mad that he has so much control over your emotions...mad that you can't just turn off 6 years of addiction...pause...<drink of wine>...sad.. dispair... tears... <more wine>... depression. Well, you get the idea. The trick... stay busy and keep your mind as occupied as possible. Oh yeah... and STICK TO NC. Don't cave in even if he does call. Do you hear me? Figure out NOW what your going to do if he calls. Decide before it happens. Hey jet...have you thought about changing the cell phone #? Hmmmmm. Kinda cuts off the possibility.... Oh Noooooo the stomach is churning now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> 2scared
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Hey jet! Been a few days since I posted to you--been looking for you daily, though! Just want to comment... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i guess i need new routines for myself...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly! New routines for your mind, too! You're in the right direction. Keep it up! Oh, btw, I know someone else asked, but... Did you change that cell phone # yet? New routine: take your temptations away! Do you think a person who just quit smoking wants cigarettes around? An alcoholic...liquor? This is why they have detox! Consider it like going into detox--COMPLETELY cut yourself from the addiction! (NC--you really, really, need to think about writing this letter. And have your H approve it.) Anyway, 3-0 after this weekend?!?!?!
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Hey LINY,
That's right, 3 and 0!!!!
Anyway, I've had alot of time to think about your( and everyone else's) request to change my cell. The only reason I keep going to is that i'm scared to let go of that last one tie to OM. If I did that, then i'll be on my own, with no Om forever. I'm scared to let go. I miss my fix, and i'm scared to cut it off. So, I guess i'm not that strong yet. He hasn't called. I'm beginning to not look for the call anymore. I'm getting used to it being over. That's hard to say and read, because I never thought about the end. One day, I will look back and read my foggy posts, and not feel so much pain. I gotta lot of work ahead of me...
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