Well I just got out of a business meeting that I have had for almost every Tuesday for the last 2 years and guess who shows up? Yep, good old WW. The best part is she got to sit right next to me because our meeting room is tiny.

This is the first time I have spent more than 15 seconds with her in 8 weeks. I extended her every courtesy, did not address her the entire night but answered every business question she threw at me. I can not get over how my feelings of physical repulsion and nausea almost overcame me. I refused any refreshments because I truly was afraid of vomiting.

When the meeting was over I headed out the door. She tried to follow and I believe wanted to talk as I got in my car and drove off.

Does nausea mean I'm making any progress in getting over what she has done? Is nausea the opppostite of love or does it mean I still have a lot of emotion towards my WW.

BTW She has dropped a lot of weight and definitely has a haggard appearance to her.

Hey Cy- I had a similar experience around my WW. I felt sick to my stomach and repulsed by her after my ortho appointment. She followed me out and was trying to make small talk with me. I felt like there was a huge bubble barrier around me. As if I couldn't come within 6 feet of her. She followed me to my car and stopped like she wanted to talk and I just kept going and took off in my car.

I thought that it meant I was getting over her, but it didn't. My emotions changed down the road and I haven't felt the bubble or sickness since.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is nausea the opppostite of love or does it mean I still have a lot of emotion towards my WW. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">According to ol' 2long, indifference is the opposite of love. I think to some extent, we all have those feelings of revulsion to the BS while they are still being the BS.

Hang in there. I'm glad you are giving her no comfort. She sounds like she might be the kind who can only understand tough love. Have you read that book? Very good.

SS

Oh, or maybe it was WAT . . . or maybe someone else. Dunno. BUT, makes sense to me. I can't WAIT to get to that stage with the HW. Just indifference - don't care. Ugh. Could take years. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Cymanca,


Have you forgiven her?


Shul

Shul,

I once read that you judge people on their capacity to forgive those that have not asked for forgiveness.

I forgave her during our brief reconciliation , one week after D day. I welcomed her back into my heart and home without being asked and expecting only honesty in return. She was able to stay at that standard a little over 48 hours. So, yes I have forgiven her.

.

Spide:

I did say that, but I didn't originate it.

My W and I had a convo about that a 2ple of months ago. We agreed that "if we didn't care, this wouldn't hurt so much." Similarly, I think, if Cy and juke didn't care, they wouldn't have butterflies (good ones or bad ones) around their WWs.

Truly letting go wouldn't give them those feelings. Instead, they'd feel a loving detachment - a caring without a need for investing so much emotional drama in2 such encounters.

JMO.

-ol' 2long

Just saw Rev. Mike, who has been acting as the go between since I went dark, relating a conversation he had with my WW this am.

WW says" Rev., I don't know what you have been doing with Cymanca but last night at the meeting he was the old Cymanca I fell in love with. He was warm,funny, and a gentleman" I laughed so hard after that, I almost spilled my coffee.

Rev. Mike says and again I am paraphrasing " WW this is the same Cymanca I have known since I met him. He is always that way"

The fog creeps in and then creeps out!!!

Cy:

Yep. You haven't changed, except perhaps for a few self-improvements.

Her perspective is changing.

-ol' 2long

I hope you don't mind, Cy, but I've been carrying a piece of your strength with me. Not in the literal sense, but thru my troubles lately, I remembered your moxy and let it buoy me a bit.

Your ww was reminded at the meeting what she's been missing out on. It's about time, imo.

I love your Rev. Mike. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Double post - sorry Cy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ September 15, 2004, 12:50 PM: Message edited by: Niosgirl ]</small>

Niosgirl,

Borrow whatever you need!!!

I just got a call back from Rev Mike and he was laughing. WW called him back after he left my office this am to find out what MY reaction was to what SHE had told him.

If you don't mind I would like to spew a little advice. Take it or leave it. I am deeply disturbed with a lot of posters when they want respect from their WS but don't demand that same respect from themselves. If you can't have good, rational boundaries, how can this fog-brained 6 year old treat you any different. I know that I am in a different position then most MB'ers because I do not have children, but the lack of self respect in these posts really bothers me.

I think that my M is not going to survive. I will never give up hope but I also have to be realistic about our chances. I can't be that 190% giver and her being the taker she has been for 8 years. If my M fails, I hope to come out of this with my self respect intact and the baggage of this M behind me

CY,
I agree with your points about being a glutton for punishment for the WS, how counterproductive and painful. I have to admit I've taken more than my share of abuse, but it took for me to accept my past crappy actions and A doesn't justify my W's actions. Thanks to you guys I was able to realize that Hey should supposedly forgave me and we did reconcile, I worked hard to earn back my family and she was supposedly committed to that recovery. Now once she decided she would keep ties with, and turn her friend into an EA and lie and decieve me ...that was her doing, and not my responsibility or my Cause of her Effect.

I am making changes in myself that need to be made, more like a spiritiual self-improvement internal movement. These changes that I'm working on will hopefully become my way of life and if she eventually accepts them and gets her head/heart into this M or not, they will ultimately benefit me, my children and whomever my W will be in the future. I have no intentions of staying single if I do get divorced and I'd rather have all this FM work done and be the better H material, follow me?

I agree with you big time about so many BS's being pure D Doormats and emotionaly punching bags, I think it's a personal issue and once they've taken all they can take, they will take action to cease and desist the madness. We all have our own personal issues, some of us too needy, some us too guilty, some of us too dependent, some of us too angry, etc, etc...

I like your strength and that picture in your office was classic! Maybe if I had a picture to refer to of my W in an embrace with OM I could have been more unflinching in saying C-yah and getting onto the business of taking care of me and my C's. Where was the Papparatizzi when I needed them? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Totally understand Cy. If I have to walk away from this, I'm doing it because it'll make MYSELF and MY FAMILY better.

FM & Nios,

Thanks for your replies.

FM- very eloquently put. I think a lot of BS's confuse the two issues of the A and their personal boundary issues. Those boundaries exist in ALL of us when dealing with the rest of the world, we just don't realize how important they are in a healthy M. We believe all this TV BS of what love is , that all encompassing infatuation, lust and lack of personal responsibility that gets thrown at us constantly. It's a pity how many of us buy into that cr*p!

Just a note. WW showed up at our second office over the weekend to pick up a box of her professional materials and found another picture of her and OM in their warm and fuzzy embrace.

SHE TORE UP THE PICTURE AND THREW IT IN THE WASTECAN!!!....on top of an untorn picture from our honeymoon in Costa Rica.

How can she react so callously to two of the fondest moments in her life? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ September 20, 2004, 10:37 AM: Message edited by: Cymanca ]</small>