I have posted in the Emotional Needs and D/D section about my situation.

The short and skinny of it is this... My wife and I have communication problems. We argue at the drop of a hat. I raise my voice, and she shuts down.

She stated that she was bored with our relationship, that she wasn't in love with me any longer, and that she didn't know what she wanted to do.

I went to counseling, read several books, wrote in journal, and have done everything that I can to meet the ENs that she will allow me to.

Three weeks after this, she is ready for a divorce. There is another man, a co-worker that she has been talking to. She says that she is getting advice from everyone that she works with; however, she calls this man at night, and he pages her at all hours... when I am not here.

I have brought this to her attention, and made her aware that I feel it is inappropriate. She says that she doesn't feel like she can open emotionally to me, and that she doesn't want to try. So, she says that they are just friends. She says that she would never let it progress past that "while" we are married.

So, there is the kicker. She is already thinking about the future with this guy. Well, there isn't anything that I can do at this time to change her mind. So, I am going to call him and setup a meeting with him.

I will take this opportunity to ask him point blank what his intentions are with my wife. He is going through a divorce right now, and I want to know what his side of this is. If he is an honorable man with morals, maybe he can back my wife away.

That doesn't mean that she will come to me for support, but if she needs space to think and to heal... then at the very least I will know that this man will not reciprocate.

Please help me in determining the best strategy to discuss this issue with the OM. My wife is going to be extremely pis%ed about this. I don't know what else to do.

Tonight she called him and I saw the phone number, so I asked her about it. She said that she was leaving, because I brought it up. Well, I gave into my weakness. I asked her not to leave and told her that I would for tonight. Well, I went to my mother's house... she told me to go home and for both of us to grow up.

I realized that I had done nothing wrong. I was only trying to express my feelings and stand up for them. The problem is, is that my wife doesn't care or respect my feelings right now.

Please help... ASAP

Hi,

Welcome to GQII. What have you read from MB? Have you done any phone counseling with Jennifer@ MB?

Right now your W is not functioning like a normal person. She is having a major EA and quite possibly a few PA(s).

I know that hurts to hear but she is throwing all the crap at you because she feels safe with her A. It is giving her power and igniting feelings she thought she never had. She did but she is also in denial.

If it helps, I will tell you that most of us BS have heard similar. Mine told me he 'never loved me.' So I asked him when did that happen, I started from current and ended up to the day he proposed. Then I asked when did his actions turn into lies?

Of course he couldn't tell me when because at that time, he did love me. The fog does some crazy things to the WS.

So for starters, don't teach or try to fix her. Doesn't work.

Instead, work on yourself. Read up on the concepts and books. Do phone couseling with Jennifer @ MB.

Do you have any children?

L.

We have no children. We lost our first pregnancy in June.

What about talking to this OM?

I need to make this known I think. I believe it to be just an EA, but that is plenty enough to destroy what we might have.

I have gone through counseling and have read many books. Some of which are by Dr. Harley.

At this point in time, I feel it necessary to contact this OM to put a face to a name, and to be a presence there.

Thoughts please....

Be prepared for the wrath of the WS if you confront OM...

There is no point confronting OM...but if you have to do it then do it.

I did it so i can say that it did no good but it did settle down my curiousity.

I dont know what OM will say but be prepared to hear him say that he loves your wife and is waiting to marry her...etc etc...just be prepare okay.

Please get this book "love must be tough by Dr James Dobson" before you decide on your next action.

Be strong and dont act clingy. It is going to be hard but you have to be strong.

Hiya ej. You'll find GQII is a lot "quicker" than the other boards. Those are great too, DGMW!
My suggestion--and it is just that--is NOT to contact OM. Do you hear what your wife is saying and acting like? I would put money on it if I was still gambling that the OM is acting *EXACTLY* the same way. All you would get is confrontation, no real issue-solving.

Orchid said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So for starters, don't teach or try to fix her. Doesn't work.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How true. Have you read up on exposure and plan a? Two things that probably are necessary in your case. Don't forget--these are suggestions, but try to get familiar with the plethera of info.

Best wishes!

Hi E,

Haven't heard from you in awhile. How are you doing?

L.

ejb
Is there a possibility that he's NOT going through a divorce. He wouldn't be the first guy and certainly not the last to string along a woman with the divorce card. Have you considered calling his wife? She may not have a clue as to what is going on and she needs to know.

I agree meeting with him will do nothing but frustrate you. He knows she's married so how could you convince him to stop seeing her? He doesn't care. If it were a matter of him not knowing she is married, I could see it but otherwise it would be a major waste of effort and time.