I am thinking of sending the following to my WW via email or letter. I would appreciate any comments. A little background, WW is in an EA, she is leaving the state in 1 month with my D for a separation to be with the OM. Daily emails, phone calls, etc. Plan Aing for 1 week and I am about to expose the A to her parents and family. However, I feel that this will make her leave earlier. Not sure if this is good. Before I expose, I wanted to send her this. Thanks, Jmash

Dear WW,

I feel as if things are fast spiraling out of control for us because of this relationship you are having. I know about the daily phone calls, if not multiple times per day. Don’t think I didn’t notice your cell phone bills not being filed. I believe you hid these from me on purpose. I know what is going on. I also know about the emails. Not from your normal account but from the new account you created in July. I feel that this has been yet another attempt to deliberately hide things from me. I also know that you have been looking at web sites regarding 2nd marriages, Las Vegas weddings and honeymoons.

The bottom line is that you are a married women and you are having an inappropriate relationship with another man. This is called an affair because you are doing it behind my back. I still don’t think you realize how much this hurts me. I am tired of tip-toeing around this issue with you. All I am doing is fueling the secrecy of the affair. I feel that if I don’t bring up the issue, you are thinking that I don’t care or that I think it has stopped. By you not bringing it up to me, I know that it has not stopped.

Sarah is being affected by what is going on, both of us know it. I feel that you are using her as justification for your trip back home. She has nothing to do with the time and space you say you need. I am afraid that she is going to be more confused than she already is in the presence of this other man and not me, and also very scared. That is definitely not in her best interest, and no matter what, she will remember this for the rest of her life. If things continue to go badly for us, they will go badly for her as well.

I also don’t think you realize how dedicated I am to making things work between us. But things can’t work as long as you are involved in an affair. I know that you are confused and don’t know what you want. I am asking you to please think about what we talked about on Monday. I am asking you to try with all of your power to step back and make a rational decision. I am trying to be a light house for you, I am trying to be strong and maintain my self respect. I am trying to show you how much I care for you and our family. I am pouring my soul out to you because you and Sarah are the most important things in my life. I am asking that you realize that I am here for you right now, that there is no reason that we can’t be happier than we ever were. I sincerely hope that one day you get to this place where I am right now.

Love Jmash

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> This is called an affair because you are doing it behind my back. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I know that you are confused and don’t know what you want. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Both of these sentences are disrespectful judgements and should be removed.

2x4 coming...

Rip it up and start over. The tone of the letter is all wrong. It strikes me as angry. I've written many letters like that to my WW.

Try focusing on you, your role with the problems in your marriage, and the effect they might have had on her. Empathize. Then take action. Visibile results seem to have a greater impact.

Too late. I sent her the letter and she read it. And now she wants to move up our separation date. I may have committed some major LB's. We are going to sit down and write up a parenting plan and financial plan. She told the OM to not call her and told me see also sent him an email telling him not to email her now. I haven't seen the email. She claims that she will not talk with him and was wishy washy about when we separate whether she will see him. I'm not sure there is anything I can do now. Right now she doens't like me at all and it looks like we are separating. She is also taking our D with her. What do I do now??? Jmash

I don't think up rooting your D is in her best interest. If your WW feels she needs to leave fine, but she should not be taking your D with her. Your D needs stability and that will come from staying in her home. Go see a lawyer and get a custody agreement in place.

you don't have to do anything.

Let WS draw up separation agreement. Tell them what you want in it. House, joint custody, etc.

Don't sit down and write up a plan until you talk to a lawyer.

Also, if they are unhappy, it is up to them to leave, not you.

Then tell them after it is written up you will have your lawyer review it.

You don't have to help speed up the process. If WS wants to speed it up, let them do it on their own.

she is leaving the state in 1 month with my D for a separation to be with the OM
I suggest you do everything possible to make sure she does NOT leave the state with your daughter.
Get a court order if needed.
If it is a real, legal separation (not just her leaving) make sure it states the child will stay in the current town you live in.