It has been just a little over 2 months since I found out about his A. At first I didn't know what I wanted but did want to try and work on our M. He yet doesn't know why it happened but as soon as figures it out he will tell me. I often look at him and the attraction that I once had for him seems to be fading, and I use to be so loving to him but am finding it harder and harder to touch him and pet him like I did before. We lay in bed and I sometimes fight the urge to cuddle up to him at night. Can someone please explain what this is that I am going through?

Jennie,


(RESENTMENT)That is what you are going through.
I bet there are tons of Mbers here that remember when I was in the resentment phase. Oh man I remember I did not want to even be in the same room as my wife. ITS NATURAL. Look at some of DR. Harleys letters on overcoming resentment.
As human beings we avoid the things that hurt us and we are attracted to the things that make us feel good. Thats why affairs are so traumatizing to the BS. You all of a sudden go from someone who made you feel good to someone who sometimes discust you. This will all pass with understanding and forgiveness.
When you do feel yourself coming out of this stage the emotions you have for your hubby are so strong like you have been longing to get over this and finally you are able to show affection for your hubby. I cried very hard when I was finally able to just kiss my wife. It was a passionate kiss that had so much emotion I will never forget it. Trust me you are normal,,, with each stage of recovery you have to overcome some obstacle,, thats why so many marriages go on to be stronger than they were before the affair. You have to pour yourself into the marriage,, and its tough but the tough is what makes it great,, if it was easy everyone would get through betrayal.

Hang on tight its an emotional wreck the first 6 months but as time goes by each feeling of resentment gets smaller and smaller. I promise!

Thanks for your reply. I have actually done really well up until now. When I found out, my sister said that I was so calm it was scary, I guess that's not a normal reaction. He left and spent the night with the OW, who was also my brothers GF, and my best friend. The part I'm having the hardest time with is that he told her that he loved her and that he was going to see her whether I accepted it or not. As far as I know there has been NC since then and he did tell her when she called our house that he loved me and was going to stay with me. After he came back home the next morning, I just asked if that was his decision, I didn't ask him to stay, he did that on his own. I told him then that it didn't matter what he did that I knew I could make it on my own, is there anything wrong with that? Maybe he is one of those that needs to play the knight in shining armor, she was a very needy, clingy woman.

Jenn,,,,

He told her he loved her! Ofcorse he did. I dont mean to say that like its no big deal but there had to be feelings of love to prolong this affair,,, in truth ,,, he thought he loved her. Now that you have exposed the affair he can no longer have the best of both worlds. He has to make a decision. Afairs are easy.... Marriage is hard. Thats how a BS thinks,,, the affair is exciting and new,,, while the marriage is routine and work. He does not want to be solely committed to this OW,, the truth is he never looked at her for a long term relationship until you exposed the affair. Now he is coming out of LA LA land and back to reality. He is choosing you,,, no matter what he may have told the OW during the affair. I used to say if I ever caught my wife cheating I would simply divorce her. Until it happened,,, I love her. He loves you. Your not going to be this happy little wife since he chose you,,, you should have never been in competition with this OW you are his wife! I bet your husband is telling himself that very thing.

Its hard to deal with the details of the affair but they can be dealt with.
Spend time with your husband,, talk,, talk,, and talk,,,, even if you ask the same questions a hundred times he has to answer them.
Both of you have to heal from this affair. Do it together. Please buy the book "NOT JUST FRIENDS"
BY Shirley Glass it is a god sent for the BS and WS.

Thanks, we do talk alot about us. He is willing to answer questions about the A but seems to get defensive when the questions start to get deep. That really concerns me because I'm not sure if he is still having contact with her or that he is just uncomfortable answering those questions. We are leaving on Friday for a week at the beach so I am hoping that we will have much more time to talk, let's hope all goes well.