I generally don't react to his rants, but something tells me that it is time.

Last weekend, when he went off, he said alot of things that he later repented of.

For example he said that I have been stalking him for the past year; that it has been over between us for a year and that he didn't want to come here but that I keep after him. That he has been coming out of pity or something.

(The reality is that yes, I had been keeping tabs on him, until it became too painful to know hwat he was up to, and I rarely call him, but when I do invite him here, it is to see his daughter primarily.

Back in the spring, he was calling me every day after work, and was still saying that he wanted us to be a family.)

He was outraged that I am thinking about selling the house. Said that it is his house , that he built it and how dare I think about selling it, etc..

This from the man who has been saying for years that he hated it out here, and hated the house, and hasn't paid a nickel toward the bills in almost two years. Hasn't lifted a finger to repair anything on the house etc.

He was pretty upset at his behavior the next day, and was talking lawyers. To his surprise I agreed. He walked off and would not discuss it.

Here is the thing.

I think that for starters, he has been listening to advice from the OW, who would naturally fall for his side of things and she doesn't know anything of what has gone on over the past 19 years except what he has told her.She sees him as the poor guy who worked like a dog to suppport us, and didn't get any help or suppport from me. She has no idea.

Now that his job is ending, unless he stays at her place , the house is his only other choice.

(Staying at her place... well, she has 5 kids, and it is a nice place to visit, but not to live, if you get me.)

Also he has recently been in touch with his family for the first time in ages, and he will be seeing himself through their eyes.

I think he is coming to himself a bit.

When he came back on Sunday, he said only that he was very sorry for what he had said and that done on Friday, but that he didn't want to talk about it.

I think he is getting scared.


He doesn't know it yet, but I don't want to live with him. I won't put myself through that again.

I want to sell or rent the house so that I can pay bills and make a fresh start. (I am planning to start a business, and I am going to need a clean slate.)

However, I will not do anything about the house yet. I think it is enough that he knows now that I can if I choose to.

I care about him, but until he is healed and whole, and ready to be married, I am going about my life without him.

He abdicated, forfeited his family and home.

I think he is starting to realise what he has done.

Someone was saying on another thread that if a man has his SF needs met, etc...

I often can read my husband, and when we had sex on Sunday night, I could tell that it suddenly dawned on him that he has a beautiful sexy , submissive wife and what the heck has he been doing.

His friends have been telling him that he is a fool ,that they don't know why I am still with him, but that if he leaves me alone I won't be single for long.


I feel like it is too late.

I guess Plan B will be easy now.

Shul, you should prepare yourself to split up permanently, and move in that direction.

This is the famous "You want to be divorced and free from me, okay. Let's go down and get divorced."

But to move in that direction, you have to be ready to get divorced for real. You can't call his bluff with a bluff.

So, do you have any question you need answered today, Shul?

I have a few other thoughts anyway.

You need to stop with "I know he's coming around". You may be right, but you also know it isn't going to happen overnight. And you need to be away from his chaos, AND SAFE FROM HIM, while he goes through that process.

So yes, do it. Get him out of your life for now. That is a good plan. Plan B. Protection Phase. Whatever you want to call it. And do it the right way. Back it up with decisive action. Don't be a softie. Be tough.

GC

Shul - I would get my Plan B letter ready. The best possible outcome would be for him to move in with OW, and 5 kids. I love it.

Shul,

There is an old Slovenian saying that my mother used to use all the time when I was young. Loosley translated it is " a good f#art is better than 9 doctors"


In your instance 5 kids is better than any MC could ever be. Make him move in with her!

OW has 5 kids?

Talk about a fog slicer! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

FANTABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't mean to speak for Shul, folks, but it's already established that OW's home isn't exactly a love nest for Shul's WH and OW. Nor is OW the most appealing partner.

Shul, why don't you give everybody the basic Cliff's Notes version?

GC

Even BETTER reason to kick his @ss out, force him to her place, and let him scratch his head and wonder EVEN more about what the heck he is doing!!!!

LOVE IT!

Yes,

The attraction to OW is that there is no attraction.
He doesn't care about her, so it is a risk free relationship. He can leave anytime.

And she isn't looking for commitment (her words).

She is just somewhere to go, a place to shack up.

I think I am ready to divorce, but it wouldn't make any appreciable difference to my life.

It is just that he uses this as a threat of sorts, and he doesn't realise that it is moot as far as I am concerned.

What is he going to do , leave me? shack up with another woman? Not support us? not see his daughter?


A judge might actually order him to pay support and goodness, then where would he be?

A judge might allow him visitation, but he doesn't amke any effort to see her anyway.

Moot.

I think this might be an opportunity to clean up these loose ends, financial etc., and make a fresh start.

Also, a wake up call for him.

I am not rejecting him, I am just agreeing to give him what he says he wants.

All these years he has always had a home to come back to, a family to come back to.

As I said , I think he is in for a shock.