I looked my case up on-line and the hearing was Monday at 8am. So, unless she didn't show, which I doubt, it is done. Well, I tried my best and there just wasn't enough time for her to snap out of it. What to do now is the question? Just move on and don't talk to her or what?

I'm sorry Juke. (((hugs)))

juke:

What do you WANT 2 do? What kind of R do you want/not want with your xW?

Do that.

-ol' 2long

Juke,


I am so sorry to hear the news. You have done a lot of work on yourself and I know you are a lot stronger and wiser than when this fiasco started.

Yes, go on with your life. Meet other women. Judging by our MB women there are a lot of beautiful, loving, caring and faithful women that are dying to meet someone of your caliber. Your WW and you are still in the same position you were before the decree became final. You can not still love her, that her is gone and has been gone. If you want to start a new relationship with her( completely your choice) be guided by what she has shown you these past few months. Look at her dispassionately and answer the question,

"Is this someone I want in my life and have babies with".

The answer may be yes or no, only you can make that decision.

Best of luck, my prayers are with you.

Juke - Well, you are young and good looking, so I suppose you could go out with some women friends for awhile. Take your time, though, so you don't fall in love like Brett did. He was only divorced about a week before he was in love.

Hey Juke,

I'm sorry. I'll probably be joining you in this club before too long. I still feel like pinching myself now and then. I never, never thought this would happen. My W and I were such good friends, and it was so hard for her to do anything that might hurt someone.

It's terrifying in a way to see what can happen to people when they get swept up in emotions. How fundamentally they can change. It makes my stomach twist up to think about it.

It's a hard lesson, to find that somebody you never would have thought vulnerable to that stuff actually was. And for me at least, also to realize that I wasn't putting enough into my M. That's something I never imagined either.

Juke, are you getting along okay with that roommate of yours?

Did you know him well before he moved in?

I have to get one soon myself...

GC

ditto on what GC said, i'm sure i'll soon be there myself. just a couple of questions though and forgive me if you've answered them here before but are you living in a no-fault state? i guess you didn't have to be there in order for it to be final? wouldn't you get some sort of notice that it was final/official? just curious

stay the course my friend, i saw this following quote in someone's signature line and thought it would be fitting here.

"life is a storm my young friend. you will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. what makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes." -The count of monte cristo

continued prayers to you, RR

Niosgirl- Thank you

2long - I want to move on without burning the bridge with my WW. I will let the bridge burn out naturally if it does.

Cymanca - I do wonder if at my age it is worth hanging on to someone who behaves like this and has as many issues. I don't know if she would be a good mother etc. It would be one thing to get back together now, but how could I have confidence in her enough to have children with her?

believer - i am going to continue getting ut there and if I meet someone great I do, if not I will eventually. No rush. Dating could be fun I don't know. I could easily fall in love in the state I am in now so I have to be careful.

graycloud - It is tough and disturbing. Flips your life upside down. My roommate is ok. We just do our own thing. He can be really cool, but can also be annoying as hell! Mostly he is cool though. I like having someone there. I can also stay out sometimes after work and not have to worry about the dog being fed etc.

roughroad - AZ is a no-fault state. i think I will get something in the mail within a week to confirm the D hearing. That's what they say. If there is any chance of her coming back this is really what needs to happen. Total separation/ divorce. I think I would feel safer seeing her again now that we are not tied financially anymore.

Juke,
WOW! That was fast. I want to say I'm sorry for your loss, but I think she's the one who's loss something. You're a good man Juke. Take your time out there and be safe. Women love nothing better than a single/divorced man with all his teeth and a touch of sincere sensitivity to boot. Baby steps my friend, just enjoy life for a bit if possible. Nothing too crazy, don't let the roommate of yours set you up too often..lol <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> If I didn't have my children...hmmmm...let me end my post to you before I get hit with a 2X4..take care and come back here from time to time to give us and update. You're still dealing with a recovery within yourself, don't forget that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Juke, if I was in Arizona I’m sure I’d be divorced by now too. I’d also throw away my snow shovel and take you out so we could both cry into our beers.

However.

As I am up here all I can do is say I’m thinking of ya and am flabbergasted at the speed and ease one can get a D in some places. Whoever passed that law was so opened minded their brain fell out.

Juke, You will move on to a better place in your life. The hell you have and are going through will subside and you will emerge a stronger man. You also will fall in love again one day, from a wiser perspective.

Until then, keep us posted here.

If things are what they seem, I'm sorry to hear it, juke.

I hope this will be a fresh start for you, regardless of what kind of relationship you have with your PEW (lol..silly acronym, i know...possible ex-wife).

I also hope that you'll still visit here as long as you feel that you need to.

Hey Binder- Thanks for the support. 90 days is faster than you can say divorce~!
Whoever passed that law was so opened minded their brain fell out. Funny! I haven't heard that one before.

I am sure I will fall in love again. I did think that everything was right with my WW when I married her. I thought we were perfect together. Personality wise we were. It just stinks alltogether.
I wonder if any MB people live here in AZ?

maddyk - It is a fresh start. Or maybe a stale start? Unwanted start, that's for sure! I will still visit and who knows what will come in the future. I have always thought that divorce is what it would take for her to come to her senses. We will see now. Or mabye her and I will just never talk after this. We were soo close that this all still amazes me. What happened to her?

I don't know much about your story but I thought I would comment. All I can say is to take things slowly. This is a lot to absorb and you need to come to grips with it before jumping off the deep end. You sound very level headed so I'm sure you won't do anything rash. Anyway they say living good is the best revenge. So take care of yourself go all out for your dreams and reach for the skies. In the end you will be the better one with no regrets.

Hey Juke, sorry to hear the news. I should be joining your ranks fairly soon if my W and I don't kill each other first.

It's up to you as to what kind of relationship you have with your XW. Do whatever feels good, and right to you and allows you to continue your life in a healthy manner.

Take care.

Juke, I don't know whether to send my regrets or congratulations. My DV is proceding along like clockwork.

As far as what you should do brother, Keep an open mind. Your XW has not remarried. If reconciliation is something you would still consider then don't rule it out.

However, I would not wait by the phone. I would find it hard to believe you would want her back the way she is now. She must grow up first. You can't do that for her.

In addition, I wouldnt go out of my way to be available to her. I think she still looks at you as a safety net. She should realize she cut big holes in that net when she betrayed you.

Good thing is there are lots of grown up women all over Arizona. I've been there a few times and loved it. Saw lots of pretty women too.

Good Luck Juke.

Tom- Yeah, I don't even talk to her anymore. My last try was emailing her a ton of pics from our honeymoon and misc. vacations so she had to look at them when she opened the emails. She thanked me for them and saved the pics. I know in my heart that she thinks of me everyday just like I think of her and I guess that is her punishment. Her knowing that the great life we had was ruined by her own choices. I remember her all the time, but know that I wasn't the cause of this so it is different for me. She does need to grow up and maybe this year is her time to do it. Maybe I will talk to a whole new person down the road. Who knows? I definately can see her trying to come back into my life in the future because what we had cannot ever be replaced. The best and most exciting years of our lives were together and she will not forget that. The more time passes the more that will sink in. I love her so much that I still have hope and have not burned the bridge in any way. But I will let her be to figure out her own life and be in the right mental state if she tries to reconcile.

Yes, beautiful women are a dime a dozen here. You wouldn't even believe how many there are in the Phoenix/ Scottsdale area. That is not a problem. I just hope I can find someone with as much in common with me as my ex-wife and I.

Your in Phoenix? I was just there in january with STBX. Had a ball. We stayed at the Phoenician Resort on a business trip.

STBX insisted the return flight have a few hour layover in Vegas. Didn't realize she was meeting her lover for the first time at the airport. I stopped at the bar to have a beer while she went to play some slots. The bar was too crowded so I went to where she said she was. Looked for her through the whole wing of our terminal. SHe was nowhere to be found. 2 hours missing ...... then she tells me she was right where I was, I must not have seen her. Of course back then I didn't know what a white trash W**** she had become.


At least you still have some fond feelings for your X. I have nothing but disgust and contempt for the creature to whom I gave my last name.

<small>[ September 16, 2004, 11:16 AM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

So sorry to hear what happened. I can't believe that the divorce process can be gone through so quickly. We both dicovered our spouse's A's around the same time and I couldn't imagine already being divorced.

In my case I know that I should go through with it myself but I just can't convince myself to do it. He has showed no signs of growing up yet he also has showed no signs of getting the D himself.

I feel like I'm in a constant state of confusion with him. Sometimes I wish he would just do it and get it over with. Being forced to live without your spouse when there is no sign of any legal action from them makes no sense. I don't know if he doesn't want to divorce me or if he's just too lazy to get around to do it. Personally, I think he just wants me to foot the bill for it.

Anyway, enough about me. I do hope that you find someone who will make you happy. It's positive to feel like you can be open to that. Right now I feel like my heart has been shut off. I'm sure I could go through the actions but I still don't think I'll be able to feel anything.

As others have commented here before, you are an attractive and caring person, and I'm sure someone will come along that deserves you and all the love you can give. Give it time.

Juke,

I don't know if I envy you or feel sorry for you.

Does it feel any different?

Everything has a silver lining. (It's trite/cliche/etc.) More often than not it's true, as well. I'm sure you've grown quite a bit through this ordeal. You're wiser, more patient, and hopefully a lot more cognizant of the workings of any R, whether it involves your XW (fun to hear, I'm sure) or not.

At least there is a defined end to your current R. There will be a new beginning down the road for you.

Good luck!

Ethan