It struck me that both my WS and myself have viewed marriage counseling as a weakness. Nobody goes to counseling to strengthen their marriage. They go when it is in trouble, and if you go, it is probably too late.

I am a big golfer and I see so many golfers out there struggling. But instead of spending $200 on 5 lessons to help them, they just keep playing with their same old swing. Never going to the driving range, never practicing.

Then, one day, a new driver hits the market and they spend $500 on that. New technology! That will help my golf game. (Just like WS thinks other person will help their happiness). Usually it works for about 3 months and their game improves some, then they go right back to their old scores.

I see an A the same way. The A is the new driver that will help WS lower their score without the hard work of going to the driving range and getting some lessons. If you have to get golf lessons, you must be weak.

For anyone who is lucky enough to make it to recovery, you cannot do it alone. You must go to counseling together to make it work. It is not a weakness it is a sign of strength. Our mistake was that we did our first recovery on our own, without any help. We rebuilt, but we rebuilt on shaky foundation and are right back there again.

I don't play golf (a family member lost an eye when hit by a golf ball), but I love the analogy!

Maybe we all need to take more safety precautions <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

TD...

Big time golfer here. I like the analogy as well. I can see where it fits in. What troubles me is that how many times to you go back to your old driver? I havent.

FORE

Works for me.....New clubs are exciting. Problem is I still put my crappy swing on them and end up with a hook that just hooks farther but with a different metallic "DINK" off the tee.

When I first started playing golf I didn't take lessons. I picked up the club (borrowed) and just started swinging. At first it was frustrating but every so often the planets line up and you hit the oerfect shot. That one shot was usually enought to feed the desire to keep playing.

The more you play the better you get (even if you're swinging the club like an axe). I earned to compensate for my flaws....not fix them. I slice....soaim a little to the left.

When I finally got around to taking lessons the first thing the instructor did was change my grip. Uncomfortable to say the least. When you do something one way for so long it becomes second nature....even if its wrong.
Changing that is difficult, your body and mind rebel against what the instructor is saying. After a couple of lessons you head for the course expecting a miracle but you just play worse and it's frustrating. Sometimes its easier to give up and go back to the "safe" swing than to plod through the changes.

Funny that there isn't a miracle cure for anything really. Practice, changing learned behaviors and reactions are the way to a better "swing."

Golf is universal. It crosses the borders of culture, race, religion and language.....I bet God is a golfer.

God Bless

Doug (16.5)

My dad was a golf instructor and he always said the golf swing looks nothing like it feels. I think the same applies to love. You see a married couple that is happy and you think you know why, but you have no idea. Or you see a couple that you can't believe has stayed together as long as they have, but they may be connecting on all the right needs behind closed doors.

Two of the most intangible things - the golf swing and love.

It is funny you mention this because when I found out about my wifes affair,,, I constantly tried to figure out where I had went wrong with her.

I somehow blammed GOLF for my wifes affair, I hit the range everyday after work,, played every Sunday. I thought my Golfing was where I went wrong in the Marriage,,,even though my wife says that was not the case and supports my Golf time.

I have only played twice since her affair or should I say tried to. For some reason Golf has become a trigger and I have let my membership lapse at the club.

I love to golf, love the analogy.

I'm now thinking, my M is in R and doing great maybe I should get golf lessons. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Had to smile at the analogy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Have a "tuning fork" (split) putter and my job's "scramble" tournament is tommorrow. After all of the BS from this past week at work, I should think of everything else *but* my swing--should do great then, huh?