Dear MB'ers,
I have a friend who lives far away on the other side of the world from the USA who has been utterly broken due to several tragic happenings in her life. Recently her husband dumped her after multiple affairs. I've copied what she's written below to get it before some of you with great wisdom on these things. She's quite poor. Can't afford much counseling. Lives in a very rural part of the world anyway. I'm trying to help her. Any books & suggestions you have would be most welcomed! I will send her books & materials at my own expense cause she cannot afford to buy much.
Thanks in advance for your help and God bless you for praying for her & her 2 precious kids. Please help me to help her....
High Flight
Here's a copy of a recent email to me from her:
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I told you in my email that I have a confidence problem in relationships.
To be honest, its not a problem, its a phobia now.
I too am studying counseling. Trying to find a way to overcome the fear of getting close.
I know the reason why, but I cant stop it none the less.
I was molested as a child and my father also was over possessive into the bargain, not allowing me to mix and mingle like others when I was growing up. The few relationships, as a young woman, entailed lust on the males side and not love. In the time of being a young woman, I was searching and craving for love from a male and commitment, but only found myself desired as a bed friend.
I fell pregnant to the first man I had a relationship with and he left. I raised my daughter for seven years with no relationship. My Father was very manipulative, and sexually offensive with me, and this left me emotionally stunted.
I had severe panic attacks as a young woman, because I wanted to get away from my father, but had no where to go, on top of that I could tell no one. This led to a severe low self esteem.
When my daughter was seven I moved to sydney to be with my sister. Met a man, and fell pregnant. He did not wish to support the child and the fear of living with two children was to overwhelming. I aborted the baby and this two added to my low self esteem and guilt.
I then married a "God fearing man, in the hope that I would find a true mate and faithful friend" This was a disaster but I have a beautiful son, so I am thankful for that.
I told you I was in a current relationship, but this like the other two I tried since the divorce is dissipating and in fact is little but over.
I want in my soul to be close to a male but cannot. As soon as I do, a fear controls my being that is suffocating and emotionally draining. As a child and young woman I could never attract men, now I get asked out so many times, even while just strolling in the shopping center, but.....I cant accept any of them.
I see them as only being attracted to the physical, and as soon as that has worn off they too will be unhappy with me as a woman and leave. This consumed me to the point that I ended up unhappy with the two previous attempts at a relationship and in fact pushed them away.
The one I am in now, I give about two days and it too is on the shelf because of the same reasons.
I feel like I am trapped in this damn shell of fear, and torment regarding men that I just don't want to ever get close to anyone again.
This is all going to come as a shock to hear me speak what I have, but I am so confused as I would love a companion, but the fear just ruins it every time.
I would appreciate it if you had some words of wisdom.
Tiffany
