Please read letter to IL's. They just found out about our troubles last night. Not sure if they know about EA with OM. However, they do know the OM and really liked him 15 years ago when he went out with my W. OM is not married, no kids, waiting with open arms. Basically, I am trying to influence my IL's to talk some sense into my WW. I do have a close relationship with them, however, they have never dealt with bad issues very well. Thanks, Jmash.
Dear MIL and FIL,
I’m sure you know by now what is going on with WW and I. I am writing this letter to tell you my feelings about WW and D and to ask for your help and understanding. I have known you for 10 years and have developed a close relationship with you and your family. You have always made me feel welcome in your home and I feel I am very lucky to have in-laws that I love and can trust. I am asking that you read the following knowing that this comes from my heart and from my love for your daughter and your grand daughter.
I have had trouble getting WW to completely open up to me about what specifically has gone wrong. All I know is that WW is unhappy and has been unhappy for some time. I can only speculate, but I believe that since D was born, we both have focused our attention on her and have slowly drifted apart from each other. I’m sure this happens to many young couples, but it doesn’t make it right. I take full responsibility in not making an effort to restore our marital relationship. I missed warning signs and probably took her for granted at times during our marriage. I’m sure that if I had made an effort, WW would have reciprocated the effort back to me. The bottom line that I have neglected some of WW’s emotional needs. In her relationship that she has developed over the past few months with OM, she is getting these needs met. This relationship is not the cause of our troubles, is the effect. By her coming back home and potentially continuing this relationship, I am scared to death that I am fighting a losing battle.
You know how much I love your daughter and my D. I would do anything for them. I know these last few weeks have been stressful on WW. They have been very stressful on me as well. I am not sleeping well, I have lost 10+ pounds from the stress, and I had to see a doctor about depression. I am absolutely at my wits end on what to do. I feel very helpless because I am not sure if there is anything I can do. However, I can tell you this; I am 100% committed to working on our marriage and making it better than it ever was. There is no reason is can’t work, but it will take months and even years to get it back. I have told WW that she will never see me more committed to anything in her life than trying to make her, D and me happy. I believe we were happy once, and I want to fight to get there again. Unfortunately, WW is not in the place where I am right now, she just doesn’t know what she wants. I fully understand these feelings. Her emotions and mine too, are running high right now. I hope that we can both step back and make a rational decision.
I am asking for your help to save our family. I am asking because I don’t know what to do. I am not sure you can help me, but I wanted to express my feelings to you because I feel like I am losing the two most important people in my life. What I say here is genuinely from my heart and I would never purposely do or say anything to hurt WW or make her look bad. Please consider what I have said and either email, write or call me at my office if you have any thoughts. Whatever happens, I hope that you and I can maintain our close relationship that we have developed. Thank you for listening,
Love Jmash
