This will be my first post. My WS has been having a EA for the past 7 months I am pretty sure it has turned into a PA but do not have evidence. He hasn’t denied it but has not admitted it – but some of his comments can be construed to admitting it. I read her text messages last week -that made me realize that this is a PA. I confronted him and he spent the entire day holding me in bed with me crying and being angry – every emotion. He kissed me said he loved me – said he did know where his brain was – cried at one point saying he didn’t want me to take his kids away from him. Said we could separate if that is what I wanted – his idea of separation is that everything stays the same only that I except what is going on.

I don’t want to be too long winded – to make it short. I asked my h to tell her to no longer call my house or come over. Well that lasted a week. When I came home from work the other day my h told me not to get pissed off - but she came over to play with my son. She called our house and he never answered so she came over. She told him if he did not answer his cell she was going to call the house. Well I got pissy – he acts slightly amused by this until it gets old – he told me he justs wants me to be happy. Last night I checked the caller id and she called again. He actually slept all day – he woke up about 9pm when I went to fix him dinner he went to check his cell phone. I am having such a hard time not letting this bother me. I didn’t say anything –this morning all I want to do is cry. Any words of encouragement would help – I need to get out of this dark place.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be under the circumstances. Now that you have found us, prepare for some big changes - in YOU.

When I first came here (about a year ago), I was just like you. I was miserable and terrified of losing my husband.

He has been gone now and living with the other woman for a year. But I am happy and enjoying my life again.

So stick with us, and you will get through this. Start in Plan A. You can read all about it on the link in my signature line. You need to stick with it for several months. It does not work quickly.

Later there is another way to go, which is Plan B. But don't worry about that right now.

let's get to the nitty gritty...cause facing some things head on..helps get one in a better feeling of control...

WHO is this OW that comes to your house to PLAY with your four year old...

how does she even KNOW your four old...

and then lets come up with a plan that even if your spouse remains in contact....
we make darn sure that the children are spared this warped contact...

is she married
does she have children
how close are you two....

ARK

whoami.... good name under the circumstances...

If you are crying all day it then is impossible to do a very good Plan A....

may I suggest you visit your physician and tell her/him about the situation/affair and ask for pharmaceutical help with depression, anxiety, sleep ... whatever your current needs are...

AND~ ask for a complete STD screening ~

if you have a church pastor priest rabbi .... seek spiritual support as well....

is OW married?

You MUST make a firm boundary that if OW ever plays with or has contact with your child when YOU are not there... it will an automatic "exit" for your WH.

he has to STOP HER AT THE DOOR if she ever tries to enter the sanctuary of your home again.... KEEP HER AWAY FROM YOUR CHILD.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

He needs to know that this is a big NO NO .... and if he had a functioning brain, you wouldn't need to make this point, but unfortunately, he's a foggy man right now with a brain of mush.

Pep

Thank you for your replies. The OW came into my life when she started working for my h on the weekends (he has a parking business)-- they new eachother before thru a mutual friend. A month later h said she could help us out with babysitting -- which she did 2 times a week. This stopped about a month later when I got our cell records and her number was there way too much. I confronted the two of them and they denied anything but friendship. I went on kind of supspecting -- I liked her so I kept telling myself -she wouldn't do this to my family. She continued contact with my s when ever my h was watching him. The OW is 23 yrs old --lives in an apt that daddy pays for and does not really work -except as a parking attendent on the weekends.
My H has given me the guilt trip that my son really likes her and she is good for him -- they show no affection to eachother in front of him (after that comment and he still denies an A???) I know this is going to pass -- I keep screwing up and showing him my emotions (sometimes he finds it amusing until it gets old). How do you guys handle it when they are not in your site and you mind wanders to the unthinkable?

First, welcome to MB. Read everything you can. I usually don't post replies, because I am still in Plan A and feel I'm in no position to speak on recovery. BUT, this thing with your child really really bothers me.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My H has given me the guilt trip that my son really likes her and she is good for him -- they show no affection to eachother in front of him (after that comment and he still denies an A???)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't you believe this for 1 second! My H told me the same exact thing and then later I found out he and OW had a quickie while my 1 year old D was in the next room playing! This was several times. There is no way this "girl" is good for you son in anyway. She has already hurt your family. Please for the sake of your kids, get her far far away.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I know this is going to pass -- I keep screwing up and showing him my emotions (sometimes he finds it amusing until it gets old). How do you guys handle it when they are not in your site and you mind wanders to the unthinkable?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's okay to show your emotions sometimes. You are only human. When my mind wanders to negative thoughts I just think positive ones. Like, what my family will be like when this bull is out of our lives. Whatever makes you happy. Don't dwell on the negative. Being a BS has enough negative feelings to overwhelm you. Don't let it consume you. My prayers go out to you.

You are right -- What do I do -- tell the OW to stay away. I have not contacted her I think she thrives on drama and my WH seems to eat it up. I don't want to throw them together anymore than they are (they are probably together right now-- he didn't come home last night). Any suggestions? How do I answer my s and d when they want to see her or bring her name up?