And yes, I did "lose it" in a sense when I schooled the sparrow over the phone last weekend. I allowed myself the luxury of letting go of "must plan A, must plan A" in my mind, and said most of what I was thinking and feeling. I gave into the temptation to do that.

I don't regret it, but it was not plan A. I analyzed, judged, and lectured my WW. I may have done it in the most loving way possible under the circumstances, but you can bet she hung up the phone with her "GC is a know-it-all and I don't like him" attitude firmly in place.

So... the situation is definitely in a different phase, but I'll continue following the plan. At the same time, I have to do legal stuff.

The good news (sort of) is that she has not filed. I think she doesn't want to get the system involved until there's an agreement in place. I've been served, I've responded, she's proposed a marital termination agreement (MTA). Now it's time to hack our way through turning that into something we can agree on.

I was tempted to go all Godfather Part II on her, say, "My offer is this: nothing."

But nah. Anyway, I'm actually feeling okay the last couple of days. Not great, but okay. And tomorrow, Matilda the dog is coming to my house.

I may still hear from her this week. I suppose I should go back to my normal approach of kindness and compassion and solid plan A, despite the exchanges from last weekend.

But I feel that things are different now.

I've taken some power back.

If she mistook my past kindness and warmth as a signal that I would agree to anything she wanted in hopes of staying on her good side, she knows that is not how it is.

I won't put following the plan ahead of my mental health, financial future, or self-respect.

GC

gc:

I don't think you were unkind at all. You were FIRM. You weren't "nice" perhaps, but you WERE kind.

Keep 2 your plan. She won't be the first not 2 file, if that's what happens.

-ol' 2long

"I won't put following the plan ahead of my mental health, financial future, or self-respect."

Hey GC, I'm certainly no expert, but this is not a cookie-cutter type thing. I think that your statement says it all. You've been doing everything you can for the sparrow, and sometimes GC gets lost in all of that. You need some kindness, compassion and consideration too, and you definitely need to do what you can to secure your financial future. Maybe some of what you said will actually sink in - wouldn't that be nice? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Funny you should mention the dog, I was thinking about that today and wondered if you were still getting a dog. Of course one of mine is sitting here barking at me because I am ignoring him as I am typing! You are going to love having her around, plus dogs are a great way to get to know everyone in the neighborhood. She will be great for your social life, no one can resist a puppy when he go to Petsmart! You'll have to post her picture on the MB photo page.

FHL, you've got it. Putting GC first has pleased my IC, I'll tell you that much! It's tough dealing with a WW who is not around, and is not on the fence. She's terrified of that freakin' fence!

Would it be nice if the things I said sunk in? Oh, yeah. But I think the sparrow's head is too far up her butt for that. I can only hope I'm wrong.

Kloe, Matilda is a two-year-old that needs to be adopted. She was raised as a show dog (she's beautiful), but has developed allergies and needs a home. This weekend is just a slumber party, but if I can afford to treat her allergies I'm keeping her. She's super cool. I'll get a photo this weekend.

GC

A rescue dog, YEAH!!! I use to volunteer with a rescue organization and that is how I got my black lab so I have a soft spot for rescue dogs.

Kloe, wasn't this your big pizza night?

Yup, I put on update on my thread.

i pretty much think the statement of doing what you can, when you can, for as long as you can covers everything. you do plan A when you can and if there are times when you lapse then so be it because you did what you could.

i'm just biding my time to tell my H various things. i may never actually get that time. i feel like if i said anything now then i would just be giving my H a reason to think "yeah, i was right about RR i knew this is how she would get" i'm thinking the time it would be is more after the D. but we will see..........i'm more afraid that i will muttle things up and not say what i want (kind of you always think of the best thing to say after the fact, like a good comeback) and then say something i can't take back, not that it would be bad necessarily but once something is said you can't take it back.

again, i'm right there w/you buddy, i have not been "served" yet. still expecting it everyday. the thing about agreeing on things ahead of time (at least this is my understanding from my L) is that once things are agreed on then the D goes through pretty quickly because there's nothing in disagreement. i'm more concerned w/getting my stuff right now from our house in FL and unfortunately i have to wait until after 10/8/04.

stay the course, continued prayers to you, RR