We need help desparately.

I want to keep this brief so please understand if it takes more words to help you understand.

I've written here a few times and have received some great advice over the past year. My wife and I are both serving one another with divorce but for the stupidest reasons.

When we met in '92, we both knew we were perfect for each other. Never did I feel so complete with this woman and I knew she would be my wife and mother of my children.

There was a problem. A big one.Her mother.

My MIL is extremely insecure, very crass in her language, and has raised her kids to be guilt-ridden for her. She has repeatedly driven away people in her kids' lives one after the other. I was no different. She did not fully accept me from the start.

However, my wife loved me and I loved her. This helped to keep her mother at bay but the problems between us never dissipated.

My MIL has a knack for creating situations, pulling my wife aside and pitting her against me. And time and again, my wife, feeling scared and guilty for her mother, lets her come between us.

We've had tons of fights and arguments over this and it's only gotten worse. The stranglehold my MIL has on my wife and her siblings is borderline sick.

As for me, I am a calm, responsible man who has provided for my wife and kids emotionally, and financially. She never could deal with the issues with her mother but cannot see where the trouble comes from each and every time. Problems that don't involve family, are easily rectified between us.

We now have 3 children. A 7-year old boy with autism, a 5-year girl, and a 4-month old infant. My wife sought counseling from her attorney one month after giving birth.

Why you ask? She has given me multiple reasons, while giving different reasons to her therapist (who I attended 2 sessions with over this but left after the flip-flopping), different reasons to my siblings, who I never knew she had been calling for a year and telling complete lies about me.

She has written my family off after demanding that my brother be asked to step down as Godfather to our daughter, who has yet to be Christened. The families are now in turmoil.

Many around me feel she may need medication. I asked her if she was experiencing post-pardum depression, she says no.

For many years, she stole money for her mom from our accounts. All the while a stay-at-home mom while I worked and provided. She came to my bed every night, had sex with me at least 2-3 times a week, while telling everyone behind my back she was unhappy. Yet she cooked, greeted me, played with me, went places with me as if everything was fine.

Now she is off the deep end. Stealing money from our accounts to pay her lawyer. I've taken all money now and placed them in my name to protect us all. She once had complete reign over our financials and even wrote all the bills.

We own 2 homes, have 3 beautiful kids, a loving stable home, financial security and she is throwing it all away. She has no job, no other man. All she has is her mother pulling her back home. We live within blocks of her, a big mistake!

I love my wife but I no longer trust her. She has made it clear that her "family" comes first. Not me or our family. This was instilled in her when she was brought up and my MIL makes no bones about it. She freely admits it.

So now I must leave my poor children. Go back to our other home and hope I can help get them through this. I know my wife does not want this, but she is determined to hurt us and she cannot give me a real straight reason.

Please pray for us. Thank you for reading.

She sounds like she is having serious mental health challenges. Please be aware that people in these situations are not necessarily self-aware- or willing to seek treatment for themselves. Would she possibly be willing to see a psychologist for an assessment? And, if she is able to get the help that she needs, is moving away from your MIL an option?

Not sure if this will help- but the link might provide some useful information:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/findinfor...ctid=0002D24A-38B1-1B32-82D780C8D77A0000

Obviously I don't know if this is really the major issue- or even an issue. But from what you have told me- and having dealt with mental health disorders with myself and several close friends and family members- it sounds like a distinct possibility.

My heart goes out to you- what a horrible difficult time. I pray that your family can heal.

Please give more information on why you quit counseling if you two are having so many problems.

I quit after the second session because we could not agree on the issues. Issues she told me existed were suddenly changed in the MC's office. It was bizarre to hear her talk about things that we never discussed privately, while dismissing the issues we thought the MC could help us with in the first place.

i.e. she retained an attorney because I went house shopping with my mother, and she felt left out. (My mother only came along to take a ride, the house was for my wife and I).At the MC's office, suddenly my home business was in the way and we needed to sell it in order to survive. Our business is now a substantial part of our household income.

The issue of house shopping no longer came up! As if she was embarrassed to admit that going to an attorney as an ultimatum over house shopping was ridiculous.

After the second session of this, I had to leave. She still goes but has been sabotaging our accounts and depleting them since.

I have our money in my name only but she got a hold of some checks and went nuts!

I truly believe there is a mental problem here but she will not see it. I'm hoping her MC will convince her.

Sounds like your wife may not know right now exactly why she is having problems. I still don't understand why you would quit counseling. The counselor should be able to get the tto of you to work together.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> still don't understand why you would quit counseling. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I quit because nothing I said was being heard. While I needed to hash out the issues, she just attacked me in every which way. There was no one topic to discuss, as if she married a monster.

One thing I asked her was, if I was so bad and you told so many people, how did you sleep with me and laugh and smile for so long???!!

Her answer is everyone needs good sex sometimes...