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Ok..this is really just a minor rant. It's really just a "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!" post. Yup, no one gave me a guarantee that life was fair, but I did have a reasonable expectation for the people I interact with to follow the rules. Not everything in one's world can be influenced, but I *do* expect people to follow the rules.
I was thinking of the movie, "Office Space" which I absolutely LOVE. Thinking about the whole "memo" thing.
Well ya know what? I DIDN'T get the memo that my mariage was in trouble!
Suppose I worked in an office for like 10 years. The dress code was very casual...people wear jeans and that's perfectly A-OK. Management decides that jeans are no longer acceptable. But they know how much I love jeans and so they decide not to tell me about the new policy. They figure I will see no one else wearing jeans and that I'll get the hint. Well, sure I notice that no one else is wearing jeans but don't think too much about it at first. After a time, though, it bothers me and I ask my boss if there is a problem with me wearing jeans. He hesitates, but still remembers how much I love jeans and figures he'll give me a little more time to figure it out on my own. So he tells me, "No, there is not a problem with you wearing jeans. No one else is wearing them, but I know you love them so you can wear them." So it bothers me, but I DO love jeans and I figure he'll tell me if I'm really not supposed to be wearing them. So I continue to wear them.
After a time, the boss calls me into my office and tells me that they have to let me go because of my unprofessional appearance. I protest and mention our earlier conversation where he assured me that the way I dressed was fine. Well, duh..yeah, I should have gotten the point when no one else was wearing jeans, but I did try to make sure I was still okay. He recalled the conversation but noted that I should've been making more of an effort to fit into the team. He said he felt that I wasn't a team player and that attitude no longer fit with the company.
I'm appalled, aghast! If they had told me I would've been more than eager to change my appearance. Sure, I love my jeans but some things are more important and I could always wear my jeans at home. All of this falls on deaf ears. They feel that they've given me enough time to change, that I should've known and they feel that now is too late..they have to let me go.
I didn't get the memo, damn it, and it pisses me off!!!!
[/rant over] <small>[ September 17, 2004, 12:12 PM: Message edited by: maddyk ]</small>
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I can't believe that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> they fired you because of those vinyle pants??
Seriously, I didn't get the memo either. But in my case there was no memo to get. My STBX told me evertyhing was fine many times. Now that we are getting a divorce she says that she was just lying and pretending because she didn't want to hurt me..... Didn't want to hurt me.... DUH! So then cheat on me. Throw me out of the house with the clothes on my back. Spend our money on OM.....Don't even give me a chance to decide if I want to change whatever her problem was. But of course, she also says she never loved me, she just wanted security, and we never should have married.
MaddyK, I loved that movie too. And your right, we didn't get fair notice. We didn't get a choice of whether we were willing to do something or not. We were cheated twice.
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My FWW told me on d-day "I knew our marriage was failing trhough lack of effort but I chose not to fix it, but to have an affair for ME instead".
In my case the memo was tattooed on an old loser dwarf's @ss and I could only have seen it if i'd dropped his old mans , unfashionable trousers.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Good post Maddyk. sad, but good.
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Wow. I love this comparison. For those of us who spent months crying and wondering how come we did not know something was wrong, and why didn't they ever tell us something was wrong, and what kind of a bad person were we for not knowing something was wrong - this is a great story.
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Great post maddyk!
Bob, your post made me laugh!
I didn't get the memo either.
The last OW just didn't get it. Supposedly (per H & OW) H and OW talked about how beautiful I am, what a smart person I am, that I was H's world, I was everything to H, that H loved me (but was not in love with me) but still decided to sleep together anyway.
So, I am/was really confused.
sss
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Great comparison.
I think my wide sent me the memo. A couple times she sent me a letter with the company letterhead emblazened in gold across the top. Granted she never said she was falling in love or liked the fact how her "friends" made her feel when she was around them. After she sent a couple of memo's with little response from me she stopped sending them. I knew things were distant between us but she stopped telling me..... so everything is o.k., right???
This ain't happening again because neither of us [censored] around with memos anymore. Face to face is how we deal with things now.
That movie is one of my faorites I believe you have my stapler....
God Bless
Michael Bolton
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well maddy wondering what set you off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> but it was still a very good post and i can definitely relate. my H did exactly that, kept hoping i would figure out that our M was over and would change, he has told me that repeatedly that he kept waiting for me to show him love and make him believe that there was something there. well I DIDN'T GET THE MEMO!! i'm not a mind reader and i agree to a certain extent i should have known about HN/HN but OTOH how was i supposed to know? it's not like i was married before. all i did was out of ignorance, what he has done and is doing is by CHOICE, that's the difference.
saw your pic on the MB photo album, you go girl!!! even though i've lost 50lbs since dday i don't think i could ever wear a pair of leather pants like that. i never wore a pair when i was 120lb either!
maybe i should see office space again, i only saw it once but never really "got it" apparently.
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Mad,
I didn't get the memo ....I knew something was up ..... I just couldn't afford a new wardrobe .... I decided to shop at the thrift store called "Therapy Lanes" until I had the proper attire for the job .... I am grantful to God and my H that I didn't get fired .... However, it came damn near. As for my H he was shopping at "Emotional Affairs Apparell" and that just didn't "suit" him .... he's come over to the thrift store with me. We both missed the memo and it was probably on those little yellow post-it all over the F'ing place and got stuck to my shoe ..... So are you looking for a new employer ... or you "just not going to show up anymore" or maybe you need a little more "flare" .... "hum ... yeah ... you really need to come in on Saturday".
Marriage Builders or maybe .... Memo Busters ... hum ..............
Brown
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Maddy -
This is too funny. I didn't get the memo either. I knew there were problems in the marriage, but when I asked WH, he said things would get better.
The next thing I got was a pink slip.
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I didn't get the memo either and am just as pissed as everyone else! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The last OW just didn't get it. Supposedly (per H & OW) H and OW talked about how beautiful I am, what a smart person I am, that I was H's world, I was everything to H, that H loved me (but was not in love with me) but still decided to sleep together anyway. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This also happened to me. OW claimed she was sad that I just wouldn't share my H. She claimed she did not mind sharing cause he was such a good man. Sure, that is why she was always so pissed when I was around and he was kissing and hugging me! Sorry, a little vent of my own. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />
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I, like d_rose, did get the memo. Many memos. I was too busy being depressed to read them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I gave him memos also but I think mine were in a different language (read: Womenese)
Well, we have instituted new office policies:
EVERY memo must be read. ANY memo that is NOT understood must be clarified. And casual Fridays are now NEKID FRIDAYS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Good rant, maddy! Hope you feel better for the weekend! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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hmmm..well I did get some memos...I mean...the affair happened a year before we decided to separate...but like the person who loves their jeans and is told they're A-OK...ya know. I believed him 1) because he told me and 2) because I wanted to. I will admit that if he were to call me right now on the phone and say "Oops, I f'd up"...I'd be very hard pressed not to take him back there and then without boundaries. Of course I know I DO need boundaries and I would like to think I would not give into the rush of hearing "Yes, I want you!"..but it would be hard.
Ahhhh...roughroad..what triggered this? Nothing in particular really. Except that sometimes feeling mad is better than feeling bad.
also, I'm seriously looking into going to school again rather than getting a full-time job. I haven't been able to go to school the last couple of years because of his duty stations. So now I'm stuck in a financial situation that it's just going to make things very difficult.
I kind of had to POJA this school thing with him over the phone and we managed to make it through with flying colors..but it makes me mad I even had to do it. I mean...I screwed up in school and should've finished a long time ago. But the last couple of years I've been UNABLE to correct my mistakes...my not being able to go to school was all about him and his job.
Going to school is the single best thing I could do for myself right now and I just got the "unfairsies" that it's going to be so difficult now.
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MaddyK said.... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Except that sometimes feeling mad is better than feeling bad. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm thinking hard over this one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
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i only have one thing to say - who took my stapler?
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Enjoyed your office memo comparison.
Which came first...neglecting to give us a memo, giving us hints of a memo or the temptation then justification of their A's?
I remember it seeming all so surreal. It was like all my belief in what defined reality was blown to bits. I wasn't sure of anything anymore. The stuff that lies and deceit create...
I remember I kept saying that I didn't think our marital problems were insurmountable...and they weren't. Unfortunately, in some cases that doesn't gets through to the infidels.
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I like the comparison too. I did get a memo from my H. It said "All is fine, it's no problem to me that we're not having SF very often." I was too depressed to realise it was a lie. Or that a part of the memo had been cut off, where it said: ".. as I'm doing it with other women."
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i've actually been thinking of this more since my initial post on this thread and i guess i actually did get memos but they were definitely in a language that i didn't understand when i did get them. but i'm more apt to think that the memos were sent but got stuck to someone's shoe and didn't get to me. but maybe that' just me trying to make myself feel better.
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