Hey, I wanted to pull this out from the other post...
"sometimes feeling mad is better than feeling sad"
Tom, I know you are a very angry right now. I think you've got it under control. Your anger is understadable.
I'm angry too. I try not to give into it. When I start getting angry, I try to think back to my original intent in all this MB stuff. Sometimes that helps and sometimes it doesn't. I have way too much time on my hands to think about this stuff. Sure, i try to keep busy, but it's always there right behind me.
Feeling mad gives me back a sense of control. While I'm sitting here Plan A'ing..I do not feel like a doormat, but it is very stressful and right now, unrewarding. I know there WILL be rewards one day but sometimes it's hard to see that far ahead. I do know what I want for my future, but I'm still in a state of, "all I want right now is my husband back". Since I can't have the right now, getting mad helps..teehee. It allows me to throw the focus back on him and away from me. Sometimes we NEED to do that. And sometimes, even though it doesn't help in the end, you just need to yell, "IT'S NOT FAIR"
I guess I try not to give into the anger..because like I said in your post...scratching that itch just tends to spread the "love" around. I know that when I am in a state of anger, it's MUCH easier to get even angrier. I also tend to talk about it and extract the same feelings out of other people and that's no good for anyone, least of all me. I also try not to give into it because it does not go along with my original intent of marriage building. When I'm angry, I CHOOSE to be angry--it's not my husband's fault.
anyway..I don't know what I'm trying to say here. I guess maybe that I do feel anger has it's place, but it's important to understand where that place is. Sometimes I read your posts and am so sorry for the bitterness you are feeling because I am afraid for you that it is poisoning you and keeping you from healing. You do not have your wife to throw your anger at and so it all ends up back in YOUR inside.
Soooo..lol..that still doesn't clarify my post, but *hugs*..I think you need it.
<small>[ September 18, 2004, 08:35 AM: Message edited by: maddyk ]</small>
