I have been thinking about this for a while now & wanted to get it "out there" to see how the rest of you feel about this.

When my H left, I had to analyze whether or not God wanted me to be w/my H. I looked back on our history together & decided that I believed in my heart that God put us together & that He wanted my M to work.

And then it got me thinking about these couples that the M was the wrong choice to begin with? What if you picked your partner all wrong & that was not the person God intended you to be with in the first place? Is that why He's allowing the D to happen?

While I believe that a M should try to be saved if it's in trouble, I don't necessarily think all D's are wrong. I believe that a "soul searching" needs to take place to discover if God had intended you to M this person to begin with & if not, then isn't it better to D & wait for God to bring someone into your life who He intended for you?

People are stubborn, after all, & sometimes choose mates in a rush b/c they want to be married or for whatever reason. But is that the person that God wanted you to be with? Let's face it, it's been proven. We don't necessarily wait for God to bring us anything. We just want it so badly that we go after it & then have to suffer the consequences later for not waiting on Him.

Thoughts?

What if you picked your partner all wrong & that was not the person God intended you to be with in the first place? Is that why He's allowing the D to happen?

While I believe that a M should try to be saved if it's in trouble, I don't necessarily think all D's are wrong. I believe that a "soul searching" needs to take place to discover if God had intended you to M this person to begin with & if not, then isn't it better to D & wait for God to bring someone into your life who He intended for you?


I'll just say I disagree. I'm not saying you're wrong but that I just disagree.

My wife said almost these exact same things to me when she was deciding to leave for the OM.

I think that there are grounds as to which a person has a right to divorce...abuse and infidelity come to mind.

People are stubborn, after all, & sometimes choose mates in a rush b/c they want to be married or for whatever reason. But is that the person that God wanted you to be with? Let's face it, it's been proven. We don't necessarily wait for God to bring us anything. We just want it so badly that we go after it & then have to suffer the consequences later for not waiting on Him.


Take out married and replace it with divorce and it makes just as much sense.....funny huh?


God Bless

Doug

<small>[ September 17, 2004, 09:32 PM: Message edited by: d_rose ]</small>

I don't think God is concerned with the compatibility of people in marriages and relationships (that is, I don't think He orchestrates pairings).

What I think He does is clearly define the standard for marriage (in the Bible), and calls people to that standard.

If I had been thinking about that standard before I'd gotten married, I would not be married to the man I am married to now, and maybe not at all.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by everlong:
<strong> I don't think God is concerned with the compatibility of people in marriages and relationships (that is, I don't think He orchestrates pairings).

What I think He does is clearly define the standard for marriage (in the Bible), and calls people to that standard. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with this sentiment. For me, I think my dh and I are together in a way that God intended. We have the same core values and goals and we make up for where the other lacks.

I don't believe that God has a compatibility chart either, rather that God knows who is the one person meant for you to be with, not necessarily that you two have the same interests, the same personality, etc., not along those lines, but rather He knows who would compliment you to bring out the best in each other. My H & I are not compatible at all. We are total opposites. Most people thought we would be D'd in a year or so. That's how opposite we are. But I believe that God led us to each other for a reason.

Doesn't it go to reason that if people make mistakes in every other area of their life, couldn't they also make a mistake in choosing a partner? If God is leading us in our lives like He's supposed to be, with regard to finances, major decisions, etc. wouldn't He also have a hand in our deciding who we are going to marry?

I guess my point is that if more people would let God help them in deciding who to marry, and then let God lead you in that M, there would be a lot less D's. For instance, a friend of mine has been through 2 Ms and 2 Ds b4 the age of 30. I know for a fact that she did not consult w/God first b4 deciding to marry these 2 men. Could this be part of the reason why she is D'd now? Her first M ended b/c of both their decisions to be unfaithful to each other. Plus her 1st H felt as if he got married too young & wasn't ready for the commitment it takes for M. Her 2nd H, on the other hand, she M'd him solely for the purpose that she didn't want to be alone. Wrong reason to get married.

If she would have taken the time to consult w/God first b4 deciding to marry, then maybe God would have brought someone into her life that she could have fallen in love with that would have loved her the way a H should love a W.

Doug,
I'm not talking about infidelity. I do believe that, although God brings two people together, that once they are together, they won't screw up. If your W had consulted God first b4 her decision to have an A, she would have known that this so-called "R" was not God-sent. God is about honesty & when the R starts out as dishonest, there's no way it can be from God.

I don't agree in "meant to be" unless by that you mean coming home to God - that is meant to be. But as far as two people being "meant to be", I have trouble with that.

I do agree with Dougs statement -
I think that there are grounds as to which a person has a right to divorce...abuse and infidelity come to mind.

I don't believe in mistakes either, everything happens exactly as it was meant to happen, and how we choose is based on where we are at that moment, and hopefully the choice we make is a good one.

Life is a process, some people get it right the first time and some take awhile to get there if they ever get there at all. And where is this "there"? - it is home with God, living life fully, joyfully and lovingly as He intended.

Meant to be, absolutely, the instant one of you, as a Christian, stands before God and says I do. At that moment, God works on the Christian to be everything that the other needs to be complete. To fulfill their role in life (God's appointed role, not their own).

However, up until that joining, I think people just find some chemistry with each other. If it were otherwise, I don't believe we'd see the divorice rates at what they are.

There isn't just one right person for everyone. There may be many that would be right for each of us...the point is once we choose and make vows it is part of God's plan that we learn and grow spiritually within the convenant we made and forsake all others.

We are not meant to say well, this is too difficult so I think I'll try it with this other person...oh they really must be my soulmate, I am really in love now. Sorry..that is all a bunch of delusional crap.

Trix, well said. Too bad so many people think there is a "soul-mate" out there among the billions of people.

I think God intends us to be with the person we marry just like he says in the Bible. He gives us the freedom to choose our own partners, and there is no evidence that He chooses our partners for us.

He does give us a few pointers in picking out an appropriate partner so its clear He is leaving the heavy lifting to us. I don't think he picks us out a "soul mate" like they would like us to imagine in chick flicks.

He expects us to make the best of our marital choices just like He says in the Bible. And he does expect that some of us will make mistakes and gives us an out in the event of adultery.

That's what it says in the Bible and I don't know why we would need to romanticize it into something that is not said in God's Word.

<small>[ September 19, 2004, 12:30 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Here's the way I see it - starting with - WH is a serial cheat.

I'm starting to think - since I've prayed to God that my WH STOPS or that I WAKE UP and leave him and nothing has really happened yet..

That God is keeping me in this relationship for a reason - I'm starting to believe that he wants me to stay to change my WH..God believes that my WH has done this for too long and hurt too many people along the way - that I am the only person that has the internal strength/love to take the torture and demand change.

Sounds crazy - but if it's not true then why haven't I been given a sign to go and not look back...????? God didn't uncover his infidelities - I DID...