After a horribly failed plan B, I spoke with Pastor and he guided me back into plan A. He felt I ended A too soon and on a bad note. I let OW moving into my home send me into a tailspin. And I LB. Crazy, emotional, out of control LB. Then tried to go into plan B.
My Pastor is the one who actually sent me to MB in the first place. So I came and read and read and read. Everyone here has been so nice and helpful. Which I honestly didnt expect, since I had had an affair as well. I didnt feel worthy of anyones compassion. I didnt feel like I deserved understanding. I felt like I was beneath contempt. Great side effect of affair.
Ark's thread about plan A really hit home the other day. Lightbulb moment!!! So off I went to plan A. I can honestly say in just 3 days I have seen changes. Not just in H, but in my son and I. We have laughed more and done the silliest things together. 3 days. H took us out to dinner and bowling last night. This morning he called bright and early for us. He asked if we wanted to meet for coffee. We did. When son and I were leaving he hugged me goodbye. I didnt initiate it either!!

On the down side, I did start divorce/custody process on Thursday. I feel as long as he is living with OW that I need to move forward to protect son and myself. H knows I wastalking to attorney but I dont think he knows to what extent. I know I have to do it.

Ark~ I just want to say thank you. thank you for being so damn smart and insightful. Your plan A thread changed my life. It was the wake up call I needed.

Hey I was wondering what happened with you.

You sound pretty good today.

Good for you, and I think I would like your pastor.

Take it easy,

Weaver

cookies...

thank you for your kind words...

gosh you are brave plan Aing..
if the OW is in your home...
is SHE really??????????????????????????

Good Grief talk about a loss of self-respect to move in to the home of a man's wife... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

But it does offer some advantages....

I would tread carefully..
first I think that you definitely need a time limit on your plan a....so you can do a really really good one...

this means make the changes in you that become you being a better person and wife....
and let him see those changes....

respond and react in ways that serve you well in action and communication...
build on your triumphs that go well....

remember that WS often say and sometimes even feel that that changes made are just temporary and things will go back to like they were before...

you need to take control of those things that you can..say to yourself how would the old cookie react...that was not in a positive way....and try to react positively...

this does not mean kissing butt
or denying hurt and pain...

it means letting go of the old patterns that would get an instant angry or namecalling reaction out of you....and react more logically and in control...

this will show your spouse that you can handle things...and instills some belief that even painful difficult things can be handled and reacted to differently...

and as your interactions increase in a positive vein...this will leave the OW in a tailspin..

let her have center stage as the emotionally distraught banshee that she is....
she's gonna be grasping at straws knowing how vulnerable she has let herself become moving in to YOUR home....

I also suggest that you use some 180's on your hubby...

that you don't answer every call
that you end phone calls..

he calls...
you say...
Oh it's you...hey listen I'm waiting for a call can you call me back later....bye..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

That if you do something with him like breakfast again...that you do your best to have a great interaction...then cut it short...
oh rats we gotta go...me and son are going to this really cool autumn festival..you should go yourself sometime....gotta run bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you should make sure you are getting out...
find something fun and engaging for you as well...

wouldn't discuss the attorney with him..

be wary of soaking too much of his attention..so that he becomes a cake eater extroidanairre...

or that YOU become the OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> to him...
but do use the excitement of your interactions a little....

ofcourse no dating...

is she really in your house????????????????????
have you been to your house????????????????????

where are you and son living????????????????????

ARK

Yes she really moved into my house. He and I were discussing reconciliation and apparently I wasnt trying hard enough and he started seeing her again. 2 weeks later bombshell that she was moving in came.
Back in June we decided Son and I were moving back home. I put in my 30 day notice to landlord. 2 weeks later he was dropping son off to me at work, I mentioned dinner and he said he had plans to go to baseball game. OW had invited hium before they broke up. I knew this and had assumed that since they were broken up and I was coming home that he wasnt talking to her or wasnt going to game either. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I flipped out. I was flabberghasted. He had the nerve to say " well you arent moving home for 2 more weeks, whats the big deal if Im still seeing her until then?" I SWEAR THAT IS A QUOTE!!

They broke up again in July. She was crying all the time and upset over the amount of time hw was spending with son and I. She threatened suicide and had several dramatic episodes. H has rewrote history to say that it wasnt really like that and she only behaved badly becasue she thought she was losing him forever.

No, I will never go there while she lives there.

My plan A time line is New Years. The thing I have loved most so far is the difference in my son. I have wallowed in self pity for months. I feel like I have been sleep walking through my life. I dont want to live like that. I cant live like that. I WONT LIVE LIKE THAT ANYMORE!

With or without H my life will go on. I prefer with, but I can go on (very well I might add) without.

Its funny when I read a post of mine and just cringe at some of the crap I have put up with.