I have not posted in a while as my situation had not changed much. WW still “in touch” with OM, living alone in her parents’ home…

Last week; WW’s Mom came home from being gone for 8 months. As WW has been deceiving anyone who will listen; I felt sure that she had done the same with her M. As luck would have it; WW needed some papers that were in our office and sent MIL over to get them. MIL initiated a conversation w/me about pending D, OM, etc. and I found out some more unpleasant realities. MIL does not believe that WW has been having an A w/OM, saying that they are “only friends” just like WW says. (I have cell-phone records showing where they’ve talked for 700+ minutes in one month alone during work hours! The average time for 3 months during work hours was almost 600 minutes. This is while WW was still at home and “working on our marriage”.) MIL refused to even look at the records saying that her DD “would never lie to me”. The MIL proceeded to tell me that her DD and OM have discussed him leaving his wife to be with DD. I asked why would “just friends” have that conversation? MIL would not answer. MIL’s official position is that her DD would never deceive her about having an A and that OM has been good for her during this terrible time in her life! MIL even says that OMW and WW are fine with each other! OMW called me 2-weeks ago saying that she has lost over 30 lbs. since finding out about A and does not know what to do!

My question: Does “fog behavior” typically transfer to relatives? Or is this a classic case of “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”? The IL’s are talking to me about purchasing my property and conversations will continue until that happens or doesn’t happen. Thanks all.

FR

Wow!

That must be exasperating as all get out. I can't even begin to understand why MIL would take this position.

No advice, just wanted to say that that would be hard to take.

Do you have a punching bag? I think you should get one, frustration can be very damaging. And you have got to be frustrated big time.

Sadly many parents are enablers of their adult children's destructive behaviors. They don't want to accept the truth that their precious little boy/girl could ever do something like that when a mountain of irrefutable evidence is right in front of their eyes. Your MIL seems to be this kind of parent. Yes she is foggy and it apparently seems that her D inherited this from her.

ICK.

Well,denial is powerful.But,I would not take it personally.I really think that the MIL knows deep down what is going on but would like to conveniently ignore all the pain that would be associated with it all by looking in the opposite direction.She is trying to save herself.That is how I see it anyway.It's painful though however.

O

Fishracer,
My exMIL bought every lie WxW told and has bashed me to the kids for my efforts in trying to find the truth. When we were still married I caught WxW at OM's house and was taking pictures. That was spying. I did a freedom of information request on WxW and OM's email and that was an atrocious invasion of their privacy. I asked exMIL if she knew about OM1, again before the Dv was final, and she said no, she had wondered about it but didn't know for sure. I thought uh huh, bu!!$h!t. ExMIL cheated on her husband, WxW is just like her. She supports her DD 110% and is so into the fog with her that she doesn't see anything wrong with anything WxW does. Even with the kids. She has never been able to stand for them to be the least little bit unhappy. She helped WxW with her ninja style move out and stayed with WxW for a couple of weeks. My oldest cried himself to sleep the first 3 nights. That would have killed the MIL I thought I knew. Instead she told her other DD how wonderfull they were doing in their new home. In my case its an apple doesn't fall very far from the tree thing.

Oooo, I think I have a new fantasy: WxW marrries OM and exMIL moves in with them. Talk about a fate worse than death..........

<small>[ September 18, 2004, 05:48 PM: Message edited by: deafjeff ]</small>

Weaver

Do you have a punching bag? I think you should get one, frustration can be very damaging. And you have got to be frustrated big time.

No, I do not have a punching bag but when I move, my sister says she is going to buy one for both of us. She and WW were "close friends" prior to the "A that is not happening" and WW has not called and will not return calls from S since D-Day.

T00MuchCoffeeMan

Agreed!

Octobergirl

I thought that MIL might be protecting herself, then discounted it; but you may be dead-on.

deafjeff

You and I keep meeting my friend. Although we butt heads occasionally; your information is usually spot-on. MIL also announced to my Mom, my sister and me that D is not affecting our 12 y.o. DD at all. "She is fine; I asked her several questions and can tell that this is not bothering her." I just looked at her in disbelief! Oh yes; MIL has been home for 5 days now and was able to make this diagnosis. My DD is now living out of a suitcase spending a week with WW and a week w/me 25 miles apart; but she is fine!

Frustrated; you bet! Thanks.

FR

Hey, don't be calling me a butt head....oh okay yeah seems like we have butted heads a time or two. Its bad enough what our WS's do to us, the ones they vowed to love, honor, and cherish, but the real tragedy is the damage to the children. They don't see it and couldn't care less. I have the every other weekend plan, the last thing in the world I ever wanted, but the way Labor Day weekend fell I have had my kids the last 3 weekends. This is WxWs first weekend with them in 4 weeks. So what fun nurturing stuff does she do with them? Leaves them with a friend so she can go spend the weekend with OM. Mother of the Year, huh? And,to stay on your topic here, exMIL is still supporting her- emotionally and financially. I can't help but think that if my exSIL and exBIL knew the tuth about what WxW has done and is doing and what exMIL is doing with their trust fund that they might intervene. Maybe they could bring exMIL out of the fog and into reality.

Racer,

Ok, clue me in here. Isn't dating a married man, called an affair? Isn't talking about marriage with MM and MM leaving his family for her daughter an affair? She may not believe you, but apparently she does not believe her own daughter.

IN short, this family is a brick or two short of a full load. I wish I could offer some useful advice, but I really don't know what to say.

God Bless,

JL

Its bad enough what our WS's do to us, the ones they vowed to love, honor, and cherish, but the real tragedy is the damage to the children. They don't see it and couldn't care less.

DJ: You will appreciate this! My 19 y.o. DD's wedding shower was at our Church this afternoon (The same Church that WW used to love but has not attended in months.) WW had our 12 y.o. last week and until an hour before start time; was taking younger DD to the shower along with MIL. I just found out that WW, MIL and younger DD did not make it to the shower. I called young DD afterward who said: "Mom didn't feel good". So our DD did not attend her sisters 1st. wedding shower! But D is not affecting our 12 y.o. or anyone else at all!

Ok, clue me in here. Isn't dating a married man, called an affair? Isn't talking about marriage with MM and MM leaving his family for her daughter an affair? She may not believe you, but apparently she does not believe her own daughter.

JL: I am sorry to say that all of this is happening. It gets worse; but I don't feel like writing about it at this time. I absolutely believe that MIL could walk in on WW and OM "going at it" in IL's own bedroom and MIL would walk out and erase it from her memory! This is truly the most bizarre thing I've ever experienced.

This entire ordeal has also affected friendships of ours as WW is vocal with deceit-filled "stories" of our marriage to anyone who will listen. She is amazingly convincing and the few times that I've tried to speak the truth about each incident; I am perceived as the idiot-liar due to the incredible nature of the realities! (See above) Thank God that our preacher has had both of us in the same room for counseling and knows the truth. Otherwise; I might be looking for the looney-bin!

Fact is always stranger than fiction!

I know exactly how you feel. After I exposed my husband's EA to his family/relatives, they made me feel like I'm hypersensitive and overreacting. They say that my husband is just very naive and trying to be nice and friends with OW. Hmmm... Then what about all the emails that I read that proclaimed their "love" for each other.

Frankly, I've been very disappointed in the support that I've received from family, but I've learned my lesson and I guess in the end, they are always going to be HIS family and not mine. I have since distanced myself quite a bit and I not longer bring up the subject of the EA at all.

Kati