I just opened up our bank statements and cancelled checks and discovered that my H wrote a check to the OW for $240 on August 20th. He claims that he has had no contact with her since the first week of August and swore to this to me during our MC session last week.

I have been doing my best with plan A, however, he claims that he is confused about what he wants and no longer loves me. H will not express any type of romantic love to me as he says he has "been lying" about his love for me "for a long time" and needs to "be real" about his feelings. We are still living together in the house, but sleeping in separate rooms. We've spent a lot of time apart lately --to give us both space (It is VERY painful for me to be around him.)

H has been away for a week with our daughter attending a family reunion. (I chose not to go -- too painful.) Our communication has been limited during this past week. I am to meet his plane this afternoon, drop him off at the train, then I am heading out of town for 2 nights (business trip).

Any suggestions on how to bring this matter up with him? I am so devastated right now and ready to tell him to just hit the road...

KLW

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be. I'm glad you found us.

Stay in Plan A, and ignore all of his talk. Most WS's say the same sort of things. It sounds like he is still in contact with her.

Have you exposed the affair to everyone?

I thought this may help you. I took it from another thread ....Kyellow4 wrote...

"To get honest information out of your children, don't teach them how to lie. Don't set them up to fail you because you are smarter than them and have more knowledge.

EX. Mom knows Johnny took a cookie, the evidence is there, the chair by the jar, the crumbs leading to his room and on his face.

Mom -Johnny, did you take the cookies from the cookie jar?

J - NO (knowing he is going to get in trouble)

The way I do it with my children, I have an 8 year old who seriously has never lied to me, really and truly.

Me, DS I see you took a cookie, I would appreciate you asking me before hand in the future. We will be having dinner soon, I don't want you filling up on cookies. Now take care of the chair, clean up the crumbs and wipe your face.

S, okay Mama, I'm sorry, I will clean up the mess and ask next time for permission.

No reason to lie, it is all out there. "