Plan Aing for 1.5 weeks. WW was having an EA. She has apparantly cut contact with OM. Friday night, we talked about a parenting plan for her separation with our D in Oct. This is a wedding she is going to where OM is. I stood firm and said it is not in our D's best interest to be exposed to OM. She insisted this wouldn't happen. I reminded her of her recent lies and said I don't trust her judgement. We continued to talk into the night. I asked a simple question to get her to open up, and it poured out, finally. I promised to try to meet her needs and we ended the night agreeing to give it a chance. She admitted that she is nervous that she is not being true to herself and that she is making a mistake in not leaving me. I assured her that I would work harder than ever to make sure it is not a mistake.

Because of this talk, we are now sleeping in the same bed, we cuddled last night watching TV, I made her dinner 2 nights in a row. I'm not expecting miralces in 2 days, and I overheard her on the phone saying things are OK but she is tired of not feeling anything in our marriage. So I need to make her feel something. She is still planning a trip with our D, but I think I trust her now. I am planning a weekend get away this weekend. I think I need to show her how much I am dedicated to this before she leaves for the wedding with our D. I feel more nervous than ever that she may change her mind. She changed her mind in one night and I'm afraid it could happen again. Should I be worried about this? Is she stringing me along? I will try to monitor contact with OM. Thanks, Jmash

jmash,


You are doing very well at two very difficult tasks. Plan A and showing her your self respect by unmovable boundaries are the keys to what I believe are successful routes to saving your M.

Congrats and keep up the good work!!!

So I need to make her feel something.
You need to keep slogging along. It’s gonna be up to her to be receptive to you and for her to want to feel something.

She is still planning a trip with our D, but I think I trust her now.
Why? She may have ended it with om and there may be nothing “planned” but I’d bet BIG money that they will end up seeing each other if she goes.

I think I need to show her how much I am dedicated to this before she leaves for the wedding with our D.
She simply said “it is over” and you are going to let her leave the state with your daughter?
Has she sent a no contact letter to om?

I feel more nervous than ever that she may change her mind.
And this is “normal” in her situation. Most ws are like this.

Why send her somewhere to be tempted?

She changed her mind in one night and I'm afraid it could happen again.
It can and it probably will, especially if she goes,

Yes, you should be very worried about this. No, I don’t think she is stringing you along.
She may have every intention of not seeing om. But when he is only a few blocks away from her, what can it hurt to have one last “visit”, just to say goodbye?

I will try to monitor contact with OM.
You mean there is still contact?

I believe there is no contact, but I will monitor to make sure. She is making an effort to ignore this OM. However, I realize that I can't go from total mistrust to total trust in one day. My biggest issue is that I was standing tall and showing self respect by telling her that our D is staying here. My emotions for my W were put aside for a time. Now, I have opened up myself to here and I am vulnerable again. If she changes her mind or continues contact, I am afraid of getting hurt again. I guess I can insist on NC with OM. During the next few weeks, I'll see how it goes and get a read. I can still insist that D stays here and I still have not played my legal option yet.

I guess I can insist on NC with OM.
Don't "guess" you can do this.
Insist on a "No-COntact"letter written by your wife to the om.
This is something which is very important for all involved.

I brought up the NC letter yesterday to let her think it over. I know I need to pursue this but it seems like my biggest challenge is to meet her EN's. I am also dying to kiss her and of course be intimate with her. How soon is too soon? Would it put her off? I am planning a romantic weekend this week but am not expecting anything, just time alone and enjoying each others company.