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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 9
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 9 |
i am sending an email to the OP. Please give me input if this is an appropriate way to say things.
XXXX,
I still love XXX and our family very much. I am committed to working on the issues that have allowed our marriage to get to the point it is at. Your actioins, the phone calls, emails and visits, are contributing to the destruction of the family and home that my wife and I invested years in building for ourselves and our son. Please stop.
crackdaddy
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892
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Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892 |
crackdaddy,
I too sent a confronting email to my OM. I was told it was a waste of time by several MB'ers and they proved to be deadly accurate. The OP doesn't care one hoot about the values you have listed in your email.
The ONLY time confronting the OP IS valuable is when you suspect that they believe your WS is not married. If that is the case, go to it!!!
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
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Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093 |
Has the affair been exposed?
What does Crackdaddy mean?
Need to know if affair has been exposed before I can respond.
Thank you,
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 9
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 9 |
crackdaddy is a play on my last name.
the affair has been exposed to a limited number of folks. my spouses parents, sibilings, and one of her friends (that she told). our son does not yet know.
i am almost certain that the OM will tell her of the email and she will want to know what it says. it is as much for her as for the OM. it is all stuff i have already told her, but think she will see that some of the things that are important to her, will not matter to him (our family, our son).
i can't find a way to get in touch with his wife, or i would have exposed it to her long ago. he lives in another state.
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107
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Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107 |
Hire a PI and expose to his wife. Send her a letter with details from a friends' shop or business in another state so it will not make OM suspsicious. Anything.
I researched their town and when OM answered their home phone I asked for a local estate agents in a strange accent. The phone numbers were similar. I continued until SHE answered the phone not HIM.
DO ANYTHING to expose to his W. Your efforts are wasted until you do this. The A will not end until you expose to OMs W.
He could give a shiny sh1te about the values you cite. He WILL care however about having crockery thrown at him and potentially losing his comofrtable life.
EXPOSE !
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
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Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093 |
I think you need to find a way to expose to his wife. Hire a PI if you must. This will help you more than anything else you can do, his wife will be your ally.
I sould not send anything until you expose to his wife, anything you send now can be used by him to back up the story he is going to tell his wife - that you are crazy, jealous, etc.
Hopefully you will get other views as well.
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
Rather than sending this message to the OP, I suggest you write a Plan A letter to your wife - and send OP a copy.
A Plan A letter is just like a Plan B letter - but without the isolation punch line. You won't find it described in any MB literature, but posters here frequently suggest it - especially in situations where a separation has already occurred.
But even in your case - assuming you're not separated - writing a Plan A letter would allow you to calmly and succinctly communicate the desires you have for your family to BOTH her and OM.
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,023
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Member
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,023 |
Writing letters to the OW did nothing to alter the OW's behavior. She had no conscience. It really only fed my obsessive compulsive need to try. Sometimes I just vented. The A was an exit A for her. Both partners in an A are functioning only in selfishish, foggy, fantasy land.
Most people suggest writing to the OP but not mailing it if it is a vent.
I agree, better to expose to the OM's W.
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