My husband has had an emotional affair with a woman that he used to work with for 5+ years. I found out initially about 3 years ago. I confronted both him and her. They both dismissed it as just a friendship that became uncomforatbly close.

He changed jobs (at my insistance), but the relationship continued. I found out about 2 years ago. At that time, I confronted them both again and asked for a separation. When it came time for him to move out, we both agreed that's not what we wanted.

About 6 weeks ago, I found out that they were still involved. She had actually accepted a position working at my husbands new company. They insisted that the realtionship was on the up and up and that she took the job becuase it was the right move for her career and family. She also said that she had told her husband about everything.

I was devastated. So was he. He new that asking her to come work at his company would destroy us, but he did it anyways. When she finally accepted and I found out, he realized what he had done.

She invited me to talk to her husband about her accepting the job, so I did. He and I agreed that the whole thing was wrong and were convinced that they were still in love with one another. We shared what we knew about the relationship and were both sick.

He told her that they were done (I don't know all of the details) and that he was transferring his job to NY (because he couldn't bear the thought of running into us (we live in same school district) and having this continue. She went into work that Monday, resigned, told my husband that she was following her husband to NY and that their relationship was over.

My husband was devastated by this also. She was his closest friend and couldn't imagaine not having her in his life.

I know that my husband really loves me and wants us to work, but he is still holding on to her - because he loves her too. I understand the whole emotional needs thing and that she was fulfilling what I was not, but is 5 years too long of an affair to overcome? What should I do? How do I get over feeling like I'm always being compared to her? HELP!

Run, don't walk, to your nearest library or book store and read Shirley Glass' "Not Just Friends". It's a real eye-opener!
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Brenda

I can relate a lot to your situation (EA for years and trying to compete with the bond)

I think it is GREAT that the OW is following her H.

Your H needs to read that book Not Just Friends also and you and he (if he is game) need to work on creating a friendship to eclipse his and hers.

I know you will question what contact they maintain in the future (I know I do) and that will keep you on edge.

He CAN overcome the emotional pull to her. He just needs to see clearly how they bonded, why, and how inappropriate it is once and for all. No one will choose an fool's path willingly if they see things clearly and really finally 'get it'