HI !

Am I the only UK MBer ? I have tried everything I know and found nothing re: a pro marriage or MB -based counselling service in the UK.

Any guidance appreciated.

Also any UK MB'ers, lemme know. A few scoops may be indicated if so <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
thx !
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

* sad tonite. Looking at my gorgeous FWW in her dressing gown , thinkiing of her giving herself to the old scumbag OM. Makes me sad. Will do for ever I think. *

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> thinkiing of her giving herself to the old scumbag OM. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">STOP IT RIGHT NOW BEFORE I SWIM THAT LITTLE OLE POND AND KICK YOUR LOVIN' [censored]!!!!!!!!!!

Geeze. He wasn't even good at it. She told you that...d'ya think it was a friggin bone she was throwing you? Cause from a girl's perspective, till her man KNOWS her for awhile, he's not rockin' anyone's world but his own.

You are a bagillion times better to her and for her and if you think she forgot it for awhile I can guaran-dam-tee you she remembers it NOW! Then no longer counts...there it only the future and NOW! You are the one that knows which buttons'll make her scream....OY VEY! The OM wouldn't be able to find them without a flashlight and a map!

So there. I love you and your wife more than I love my luggage (old Southern saying), so 'nuf of the pity party tonight, m'dear. Instead of focusing of Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo, remember that tree you first kissed your beloved under....or your first thoughts as she gave birth to your dear daughter or dear son. Remember that she kept some stupid thing you gave her (in my case it was a teddy bear he gave the first time he went out in the field for maneuvers and squirted with his cologne).

Hugs!

- Kimmy

Bob..Im in Gibraltar and we have exactly the same problem. There are courses here to train to be a counsellor and I have pretty much decided, once all this is over, to take a course and become a MB type counsellor (after giving all the "right" answers in the exams and course papers of course <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Bob

I live in South-East England (Scots by birth).

We found Relate to be OK - not pro-marriage, but not pro-divorce or pro-Individual Freedom either. More like a mediation service - very nonjudgemental, and actually pretty good at putting the BS case to the WS.

I found a local therapist for ME via the internet (a friend had also seen her for a different reason and found her good).

I never thought I'd EVER need therapy. Moi? Wise, down-to-earth TA? But there you go. Relate gave us a focus we really needed for those first months, and IC has been a life-saver in helping me understand how I allowed this to happen to me. As my support-network collapsed around d-day (father seriously ill, aunt about to die, mother a basket case,'friends' I'd helped for years backing off hurriedly, H still addicted to OW), the IC was all I had.

You (Bob) have sounded tough and together through all this. But right now you're off the sinking boat and onto the raft. It's safer, but a long way from dry land. You both need help to get there.

Good luck, Bob.

TA

Debbra, TA, Thanks. I had one relate session but it was useless. Also, my brother knows the relate folks in the Midlands and they're all boinking each other like infidel rabbits apparrently...

Mediation is useful service I am sure but I want a partisan service with restoring our M as its primary objective.

I do not expect to recover our M without professionalk help, but I want the right help, not what is available. I may have to set up time-zone friendly calls with MB or Penny Tupy. Not ideal, but better than having a 'mediation' service IMO.

I'll keep looking I guess for a while. Also my FWW won't 'do' therapy or 'talking to strangers about our business'. Heck she won't talk to ME yet about a lot of this ! (we had a good talk about that y'day.)

*Kimmy, I know, sugar. Not really a pity party, just occasional realization of what she chose to do makes me sad and runs my "effort battery" down a little.

I have no comparison or envy issues with OM , really : I am just really sad that my FWW chose quite deliberately to despoil the innocence of our M by having sex with this wizened roue, whether or not it rocked her world. He was her only EVER partner other than me y'see. So its a bigger deal in our lives than in some.

We made love twice since d-day and it was rockin' *no details ! * so I hope for us to restore a great love life.

Its not that OM will always be there in our bed, he's gone, but the memory that all that loveliness that she gives me in marriage, she also gave that undeserving turd for his pleasure. Only God can erase that razor sadness from me.

I think thats why I hate OM so much - I can't hate FWW as it would prevent recovery, so I double it up on him. Why the heck would he not take what was offered ? Serial womaniser, nice, younger, fresh bit of womanhood offering herself to him. In his amoral world it was Xmas day. Its FWW thats most to blame in this and it really hurts.

Anyhoo.

I'm off to find a pro mariage counsellor in UK.

{{{{kimmy}}}}

(snort, lmao) You called me "sugar". I'm lmao off at you b/c I can almost hear your accent as you say it....Someday I'll teach all ya'll So-bonics (Southern version of ebonics)! Of course, your first lesson is that you never call someone "sugar" without adding "booger" to the end of it. So I'm not just "sugar," I'm "sugar-booger" and you MUST add a Dolly Parton twang to it in order to make certain the inflection is clear and concise. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> *no details ! * </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Gee, thanks. I'm glad because I've already determined that I'm never gonna be able to look Eric N. in the eyes, and I hope he wears really nice shoes I can comment on if'n we ever do meet! (note to Eric - I'm yanking your chain - you made it entirely too easy for me, and I NEVER let something that juicy and good go to waste - don't worry baby, I can take it as well as dish it out!)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> but the memory that all that loveliness that she gives me in marriage, she also gave that undeserving turd for his pleasure. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sweetie (sugar-booger), you can preach that to me till your blue in the face, and I'll forever throw it back to you that it's NOT true. You can think it, and feel it, and it still won't make it true. There was sordidness, yes, I'll grant that. But whatever he or YOU or even HER thinks she gave to him isn't so. That loveliness...he NEVER had her loveliness....NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS. For one, it wasn't hers to give to him - it was/is yours by the grace of God, by your union made by Him.

OM had sin. He had the ugliness of the sin - and it's wearing on his soul right at this very moment. It's a bitter and ugly pill to swallow, and knowing a little of his history that you've let on to, I don't know if he'll ever become human enough to get it down.

Your sweet wife HAD the loveliness and is RECOVERING her loveliness. Her ugly and bitter pill - well I'd conjecture that she's pretty much swallowed it, and will forever be a changed and hopefully a better person for recovering her humanity.

But it was NEVER OMs - and it will never be your wife's - it is the most precious gift you've ever been given besides your babies. It's YOURS Bob! By His grace it's so.

So please try not to think of it as something she gave to him. The devil loves the words "free will" b/c he can twist and turn them to suit him. But in this case, whether or not the words "free will" are used, those "gifts" that you "think" were given away couldn't have been because they weren't hers to give. Capice?

Still love you both more than I love my luggage.

- Kimmy

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Capice?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">C'mon now, NG! I bought into the "sugah boogah" with the DP twang, but, a twang saying "capece"???????

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Sorry LINY - sometimes my NJ & NY compatriots rub off on me....hehe...I won't admit to whether or not I like it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Licks for LINY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

You might want to try one of these Bob......

http://www.counselling-and-psychotherapy.com/counsellor/counsellor.html

http://www.aft.org.uk/

http://www.bac.co.uk/


cheers

HI
I am from the Uk- and have been on this board for over 2 years. I tried it all but my ex didn't want to know- so we ended up divorced. However I still come here to post my thoughts as I wok my way through the emotions of after the divorce
Jante

HI
I am from the Uk- and have been on this board for over 2 years. I tried it all but my ex didn't want to know- so we ended up divorced. However I still come here to post my thoughts as I wok my way through the emotions of after the divorce
Jante

* Hi Jante ! Sorry you didn't rescue your M. :(I hope you are strong in the place you find your self. This board abounds in post D strong folks, soak up their spirit.

* Kimmy, you made me cry you BAD girl ! * sniff!*

I can't fully believe you, but your words are lovely and made this big ol' English silverback cry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

We went bowling with the kids AND mom 2nite and had a fun time ! FWW even said she was lucky to have me, and put her arm around me and hugged me. Dunno what was fog and what was not.

I absolutely adore her Kimmy, no idea why. I am so hurt by her infidelity that I choke on my tears most dark nights but I adore the girl, its hard to keep plan A distant while she withdraws.

When we made love the other night it was urgent, passionate, needful, mutual, fervent...all those things missing in the past year or so. And I could tell she rather enjoyed it too * cough *.

Why the HECK would I want another woman ?

If she could ever hit a spot where she adores me back again, I wil never think of OM again. But I doubt that will happen. She doesn;t regret the A yet, just that she hurt me with it.

Kimmy, as an international business traveller I can relate to your love of luggage ! And I thank you for your care for this stranger.

For what its worth, you are in my prayers too.

* sniff*

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I can't fully believe you, but your words are lovely and made this big ol' English silverback cry. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ohhhhh! Gorillas!!!!!!! I LOVE gorillas....not as much as tortugas or dolphish (dolphins in 4 year oldese), but still....they are so.....I dunno....wonderful to see. I'm sorry Gorilla-man. I didn't mean to make you teary.

[/QUOTE] FWW even said she was lucky to have me, and put her arm around me and hugged me. Dunno what was fog and what was not.[/QUOTE]

Well, number one, DUH! And number two, who cares? Does it matter? She loves you dork!!! We all know that! There's all that blather about looking a gift horse in the mouth....and YOU SHOULDN'T go there. Just be gracious for pete's sake. (I know you were)

[/QUOTE] I absolutely adore her Kimmy, no idea why. [/QUOTE]

Again, does it matter? I've asked God umpteen bazillion times to help me quit loving Nio and each time I got a resound "NO WAY JOSE" from the Big Guy Upstairs. Who are we to question it?

Do you want to know a secret? I don't care about OW and what he's done with her. I've spoken to her. Fessed it to Jelly just today the depth of the conversation I had with VD (those are her initials for those that haven't read my thread). She tried to make me angry by saying what a wonderful lover my dwh is. Do you know how I replied? Told her that I know, that dwh has an almost innate knack for making one feel so comfortable that it was easy to let yourself go. She then tried to tell me that she is inhibited in the bedroom - total opposite of me, and I told her so (hehe - that floored the hell out of her for a sec). Then she blurted out how she didn't like him to see her nude...okay? What? She didn't get it that she wasn't pissing me off (and she really wasn't) so I told her I have no such compunctions. The point I'm trying to make even tho I'm totally TMIing you all is that WHATEVER HAPPENED BETWEEN OP and your WS is INSIGNIFICANT. They will never, ever compare to you...never be as loyal, never be as good and NEVER EVER be as loving and kind and wonderful as you.

Bob, don't you ever, ever forget that. Please? For me, don't forget that OM is INSIGNIFICANT, what they did together, while hurtful IS INSIGNIFICANT in the grand scheme of depths of your love for your wife!

That's why I am able to talk to VD, that is why I can love my husband....and that is why you can love your wife.

- Kimmy

Hello Bob,

I'm in the UK (East Anglia)and have been on this board only for about three weeks.
I have posted my story on the "Just found out board" - "I so much want her back".

I have never had the chance to try MC here in the UK. My WW left me and the kids two days after D-Day stating that she did not want to try and mend our marriage. I didn't know anything was wrong and had no idea about OM. It might sound naive but I just never thought that she would do this to me. I trusted her completely. We've been married 22 years and totally faithful until OM came on the scene.

My WW is now living with him and refuses even to discuss the possibility of reconciliation. She is so much in the fog that she cannot even see how she is hurting our children that she has abandoned.

Scotty

Hello Bob,

I'm in the UK (East Anglia)and have been on this board only for about three weeks.
I have posted my story on the "Just found out board" - "I so much want her back".

I have never had the chance to try MC here in the UK. My WW left me and the kids two days after D-Day stating that she did not want to try and mend our marriage. I didn't know anything was wrong and had no idea about OM. It might sound naive but I just never thought that she would do this to me. I trusted her completely. We've been married 22 years and totally faithful until OM came on the scene.

My WW is now living with him and refuses even to discuss the possibility of reconciliation. She is so much in the fog that she cannot even see how she is hurting our children that she has abandoned.

Scotty

i know there are UK based Imago therapists

www.imagotherapy.com

i know there are UK based Imago therapists

www.imagotherapy.com

best I can offer.

Love the Marble Arch Marriott!!

Hi Bob - I'm from the UK too. Southeast England. Have followed your story off and on. Been very wrapped up in MY own story. I too would like to echo your query re English version of MB. Went to see Relate but found them too impersonal as in,"may we have your credit card details before we make the appointment...". Anyway did go for assessment but found it more like going to the dentist. First you see the receptionist then you sit in a waiting room (luckily it was empty)and then you are called in. Anyway found a private one who used to work for Relate but has since gone solo. Why doesn't MB open a "branch" in the UK?????